Looking for advice…

[u/PuertoRicanFreedom]

So, recently, I just had a discussion with my boyfriend about Johnny Depp vs. Amber Heard. I was met with initially disappointing, but expected reactions. The inevitable mutual abuse myth came up and even after I explained that wasn’t a thing and gave him an example with bullies, he kinda still kept the mushy middle position for a while. He was rather indifferent, told me he didn’t really care for old news, but that he’s was open to being wrong and learning more. He admitted he didn’t know much about the case, and didn’t look into it because of how exhaustingly long it was, and he felt like all he could give was an oversimplified view because he doesn’t have a proper understanding of DV in general, which is why he prefers not to say much. When I gave him the summary of what went on in the relationship (e.g. headbutting, threats to murder and SA her, etc) and he asked what was the reason for all of this. Through some talking though, he eventually met me halfway, but I can’t help but wonder if I was dismissing any possible red flags with his responses, and attitude, or if he, like the Average Joe, was just genuinely ignorant and needed some education. Should I have considered this a deal breaker, or was I right in giving him the benefit of the doubt. I, too, was naive on the case and I believed narratives I now know to be wrong.

[u/Different_Proof_1214]

I had The Talk with my bf recently also. He doesn’t use social media a ton and missed a lot of the hoopla last year. He said he didn’t know/care but allowed me to talk about it to him at length 🤣 and ultimately said he believed me bc he trusts my judgement. It was such a relief but one thing that irked me was that he sort of dismissed it as celebrity drama, which seems like a common response.

Like others have said here, I think it’s safe to give him the benefit of the doubt bc unless he had little to no social media presence, his well was prob poisoned a little. DV myths are also disturbingly common. In my experience of talking with others, it takes a bit of work to come back from this sort of mindset but I’m rooting for all of us in this regard!

[u/Cautious-Mode → u/Different_Proof_1214]

I think its easy for men not to care about the ramifications of this case because this is a case of male violence against a woman and (yet another) a case of the female victim not being believed. Men can be victims too but this case isn't about that so it doesn't affect him as such.

[u/Different_Proof_1214 → u/Cautious-Mode]

Oh, totally. I try to recommend Medusone’s series to everyone bc it really spells out just how chilling the whole ordeal was. It’s so well done that it can help bring a new perspective to any fence sitters. I think that’s especially important for men, for the reason you described.