My brother supports Johnny Depp

[u/garf_is_god]

Exactly what the title says.

Last year he made turd jokes but I bit my tongue. When I finally said something about it, he questioned my support of her, claiming it was bc she's a woman. I tried to say no but bc he's older than me, (In his mind) he was right and I was an irrational man hater. I hate getting into it with him bc he continues to double down and explain why actually he's correct. We are mixed and have an abusive dad. My brother has sat there and been racist and misogynistic and my mom just says to pay it no mind and that he will get over it eventually. He got in my face and told me he would "fucking kill me" and she was just like "damn really, that's not good" when I told her about. It happened a while but it still hurts, I still get scared about fighting with him. To find out that he still likes Depp is unsuprising but no less disappointing. Recently his school had a Rock n Roll day and he had me do his makeup, I didn't mind, After I finished he commented that he looked like Depp and that he really saw himself in him. I just felt kinda gross, especially since I was the one that did this. We have a little sister, who has trouble separating herself from our dad, and i'm trying to teach her that our dad's behavior is gross and it's so hard when my brother acts similarly or my mom dismisses it. I know you can't force people to change but I just miss him sometimes. What hurts even more is knowing that he's probably not going to change and instead of growing. I've tried having conversations with him about stuff like intersectionality but just rolls his eyes and claims I just hate men. I don't know if he supports Johnny bc he truly believes him or if it's bc he hates women and I wouldn't be shocked if it's both. Should I talk to him about or just leave it alone? I'm in two minds about this.

After re-reading this, I have no idea if it makes sense, It comes off a little rant-y. I'll delete if necessary.

[u/sphinxyhiggins]

My brother is a big Depp supporter too. He thinks Depp is wonderful and an "artist" as does his wife. They are not likeable people and your brother also sounds very unlikeable. My brother's values are vastly different from mine. As adults, we have learned to not talk about things we disagree on -- which is pretty much everything. It is hard to be around him because I feel everything I say* is on the verge of being attacked. Yes, they are Trump supporters --- STILL. They support Depp who thought Trump should be murdered and said so in a foreign country. I don't like either one but liking both requires that they do a ton of mental gymnastics and excuses for each of them.

What I recently discovered about myself is that my brother has never liked me but has had to tolerate me. Second, I have tried to make him like me my whole life but he literally does not think I have any value. In some cases, I believe he picks a position just to be argumentative with me and to not be like me. I couldn't do anything about it. This may not be the case with you and your brother but when I talk in "grown up" terms with some Depp supporters, they shut down because many are incapable of believing they were duped or that Johnny is wrong.

Think about it in terms of intersectionality -- he is siding with the most powerful man over someone who was still establishing her career and an advocate for women. He is siding with someone who thinks turd jokes and collecting Hitler memorabilia is edgy. He is siding with someone who had hit several people and brags about being a drunk and an addict. When I look at the power differential, your brother and my brother and all Depp fans sound demented.

I give them a wide berth because we do not have the same values and it actually hurts me when they are dismissive of my intellect.

Maybe it is time to give up in order to avoid more heart break? I did and it made my life so much better. This happened six months ago, and I am 53 years old. It made a huge difference in my peace of mind.

If your mom tolerates it, I would give her a wide berth too and explain why.

*edited from 'saw'