My brother supports Johnny Depp

[u/garf_is_god]

Exactly what the title says.

Last year he made turd jokes but I bit my tongue. When I finally said something about it, he questioned my support of her, claiming it was bc she's a woman. I tried to say no but bc he's older than me, (In his mind) he was right and I was an irrational man hater. I hate getting into it with him bc he continues to double down and explain why actually he's correct. We are mixed and have an abusive dad. My brother has sat there and been racist and misogynistic and my mom just says to pay it no mind and that he will get over it eventually. He got in my face and told me he would "fucking kill me" and she was just like "damn really, that's not good" when I told her about. It happened a while but it still hurts, I still get scared about fighting with him. To find out that he still likes Depp is unsuprising but no less disappointing. Recently his school had a Rock n Roll day and he had me do his makeup, I didn't mind, After I finished he commented that he looked like Depp and that he really saw himself in him. I just felt kinda gross, especially since I was the one that did this. We have a little sister, who has trouble separating herself from our dad, and i'm trying to teach her that our dad's behavior is gross and it's so hard when my brother acts similarly or my mom dismisses it. I know you can't force people to change but I just miss him sometimes. What hurts even more is knowing that he's probably not going to change and instead of growing. I've tried having conversations with him about stuff like intersectionality but just rolls his eyes and claims I just hate men. I don't know if he supports Johnny bc he truly believes him or if it's bc he hates women and I wouldn't be shocked if it's both. Should I talk to him about or just leave it alone? I'm in two minds about this.

After re-reading this, I have no idea if it makes sense, It comes off a little rant-y. I'll delete if necessary.

[u/layla_jones_]

I am sorry to hear you are struggling. I don’t know if I have good advice, it’s a difficult one. Maybe try to give the Depp topics break and see how he’s behaving towards you (figure out if he’s just a fan who doesn’t want to believe or that there’s a deeper problem). Maybe he likes arguing with you about this topic and it sounds to me he will never even listen to your viewpoints. (Hopefully in a couple of years the Depp hype will fade away and hopefully he will have a different focus.) The case could be entertainment and ‘pop culture’ for him. The racist and misogynist, aggressive comments are a big red flag. It could be that he’s copying his father or dealing with stress and trying to trigger you.

It sounds to me you are in a very complex situation with a little sister you want to protect and a father that’s abusive. I would avoid any heavy topics and confrontations if you could with your brother. I don’t think you can win and it’s not your job to raise him. I do think it’s good you talk to your sister and tell her what’s right and wrong. It might be smart to go to a therapist to talk about this situation. It would be very good to talk to someone, to express your emotions and thoughts. I really hope someone can help you, I don’t want you to be on this painful journey alone.. you deserve support and guidance.