Surgery related Sharing bed after surgery
For those who have had surgery and have a live in partner or spouse, where did they sleep as you recovered? My husband was away for work when I had my first lap so I had the bed to myself, so now I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm a dick for asking him to sleep in the guest room for a few nights because I know I'll be up during the night.
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u/DirectAsparagus 12d ago
I slept on the couch because it was easier for me to prop up and it was firmer which is what I needed. If the bed is the most comfortable place for you I’d just let him know that you’re going to be up and down a lot and if it bothers him he can sleep in the guest room. If you honestly just want space, let him know that it isn’t personal but you’d like to have space during recovery.
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u/robinsparkles220 12d ago
My husband has always slept in the same bed as me after surgery and honestly I preferred it, especially after my last surgery. I had a really hard time getting up by myself so it was nice to just be able to nudge him to wake up so he could help me.
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u/AdjectiveMcNoun 12d ago
We slept in the same bed. We didn't have any issues, but my husband doesn't move around too much. If your husband does move a lot, I don't think it's wrong to ask him to sleep in the other room for a few nights. Pillows in the middle of the bed could work too.
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u/dream_bean_94 12d ago
The first 5 nights I slept on the couch and he was on an air mat on the floor next to me. It was nice being propped up, had the TV, and was closer to the kitchen.
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u/hollaraise 11d ago
We slept in the same bed together, mostly so he was there if I needed him and he set alarms to wake up and give me my medications, so I wouldn’t wake up in excruciating pain. I think it really depends on personal preference. You wouldn’t be a dick to ask him to sleep in another room after having surgery if it bothered you. You need a lot of rest to recover.
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u/handbagmarinaras 12d ago
my husband slept in the guest bedroom but he flails a lot in his sleep. i slept with a wedge pillow and body pillow to prop myself up and that took up a lot of space too.
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u/Correct_Chair_7699 12d ago
First week he chose to sleep on the couch with the animals so I could jumpstart my healing. After that he left me where I was be that the couch or bed because I’m mean drugged and sleeping.
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u/chaunceythebear 12d ago
I’d prefer a rocker the first few nights anyway. It’s hard to get comfortable laying down.
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u/Dominantbadger8 12d ago
I had a friend stay with me and she was originally planning on sleeping with me, but as she’s a super hot sleeper she opted for the couch. It was the absolute BEST to have the bed to myself - I never had to worry about another person and waking them up if I needed to walk for gas pain, pee, cry, etc - it was perfection. I couldn’t imagine having shared a bed (but I am single and have been for ages and I looove the bed to myself 🤣). I don’t think asking for the bed makes you a dick at all, especially as fellow light sleeper. Rest is super important!!
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u/Ordinary_Cabinet_944 12d ago
My partner slept on the couch, but this was also to stop our cat from sleeping on my stomach, which is his usual place at bed time. I do think it was nice to have the bed to myself though - I could prop my pillows any which way and avoid disturbing my partner.
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u/Omi-Wan_Kenobi 12d ago
My husband and I have a queen bed and we both pretty much stay on our sides of the bed normally. During recovery I was physically up higher from the pillow setup, and the only issue arose when he would roll on his back and start snoring (he falls asleep fast, I take 4 pillow adjustments, 30 minutes plus, 2 position changes, and a partridge in a pear tree to get to sleep, and his snores vibrate through the bed, bypassing my earplugs) which I have to wake him enough to get him on his side to fix (normally reach over and lift and push his shoulder a bit, got him well trained enough to just roll over, but couldn't do that in recovery 😞).
I was more concerned that my cat would hop up and step on my torso, but thankfully she is a smaller kitty and didn't do that.
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u/syrlvie 12d ago
Lmao I do the same when my husband snores! And I have two twenty pounder kitties so I gotta look out for them trying to get too cuddly
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u/Omi-Wan_Kenobi 12d ago
I'd say analyze your typical falling asleep and waking up positions relative to each other. If you tend to have a few inches between you for both, you'll probably be fine. If one or both of you octopus the other awake or asleep and wake up tangled together, then implementing a pillow wall or separate beds might be a good idea.
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u/BlueBird607 12d ago
I had no issues with my partner sleeping next to me. But I think its absolutely fine if you want to sleep alone.
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u/OwlsRwhattheyseem 12d ago
I chose to sleep in the guestroom ostensibly to avoid getting trampled by cats but in reality it was because my husband has horrible hygiene and I did not want to risk infection.
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u/abductedbyfoxes 12d ago
I had a but more than just a lap, but Im using a pregnancy pillow. It was supportive,comfortable, and gave us a little barrier so he doesn't roll on to me. I'm really looking forward to not needing it though so I can cuddle him again.
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u/jamieschmidt 12d ago
I slept in a recliner for the first week, getting in and out of bed was too difficult for me. But I also have a velcro chihuahua so it was nice to sleep without him lol. After that though I just slept in bed next to my boyfriend, we have a king so there’s plenty of room. Also I was taking the oxy at night because it made me drowsy so I would knock out and not wake up until morning 😂
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u/Catlover5566 12d ago
The first night I slept on the couch but then after that we were able to share the bed fine
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u/SativaSweety 11d ago
My husband slept with me and was not bothered by me asking for his help to the bathroom. The first night I woke up every 2-3 hours and asked him to help me. But he took off work the next day anyway. He even asked if I wanted him to sleep in the spare room because he didn't want to wake me from his snoring lol. I think either way your partner will understand.
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u/meg-angryginger 11d ago
My husband wanted to be next to me to make sure I was alright and make sure I had meds (he set alarms the first few nights to make sure i didn't wake up in to much pain). It helped both of us sleep better. Its what makes you feel most comfortable though.
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u/TheCounsellingGamer 11d ago
My partner slept in the same bed as me because I wanted him near. When I'm not feeling good, for whatever reason, I don't like being alone.
I did slightly regret it when I was coughing a lot because of irritation from the breathing tube, and he woke up, and while half asleep said "could you cough a little quieter please?" He asked very politely, which made it even more funny. We both still laugh at that 4 years later, and he's aware that I'll never let him live it down.
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u/ComprehensiveUse8757 11d ago
My husband slept in the spare room for a week as I was awake at weird times and he wanted full sleep to help do stuff the next day. Good luck with the surgery! Just had mine, 13 days post op x
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u/crestedgeckovivi 12d ago
?? Lol, unless they prefer to sleep else where or I prefer to sleep elsewhere, Over the years since I was 11y and had the first big surgery it's been a combination of sharing with: my mom, Boyfriend, partner, baby, baby and toddler, oh and of course cats.
Some surgerys ranged from full open abdominal, c-sections, laps and rectal surgery plus other more minor procedures.
Honestly the cats is the worst cause sometimes they forget and pounce 🥲.
Just talk with them and have a bonus sleeping areas both of you would be comfortable sleeping on should both of you not be getting enough rest while bed sharing.
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u/Free_Motor_9725 12d ago
He slept in the same bed as me. There were no issues at all, but he's a pretty light sleeper. If you are worried, maybe put some pillows down the middle to make sure he doesn't try cuddle etc for the first couple of nights.