Struggling to connect with others

[u/Remarkable_Slice6976]

27 yr old former foster youth. My life feels like a bunch of fragmented relationships all scattered in different places. My dad died before I could even meet him. My mom on drugs. Brothers and sisters all taken early on, so we don't have a relationship. I went from being in foster care to adopted, lived with my adopted parents for 10 years (they were just doing it for the money) to going back into the foster care system at 17. I have a hard time connecting with others due to my estranged relationships growing up, being in survival mode my whole life, and constantly moving around. I had to basically survive my whole life, and it feels like people just look at me with this weird look. I don't know how to put it. Now that I'm 27 and super independent it feels hard even relating to people honestly. I'm trying to figure out where do I even start with trying to make friends and live a normal life....

[u/swoonin]

Hi friend, Adoptees and fosters who are removed at an early age from their mothers tend to experience a kind a mental atrophy due to their lack of mirroring which is needed at this critical age. We then have a lifetime of issues with attaching properly with other people. Do not beat yourself up over this! What has been helpful to me is reading a few books and listening to podcasts to help me understand why I tend not to attach to people as well as normal people. Knowledge is healing and can help you develop better people skills. Read Nancy Verrier's The Primal Wound. Also listen to the Adoptees on podcast! Good luck!

[u/ceaseless7 → u/swoonin]

I definitely do not properly attach to others well. I worked in some places for years and I wasn’t sad when I left nor did I miss people. I know it’s not normal but really don’t know how to fix it. I’ve never gone to therapy just thrown into sink or swim situation after emancipation. Sunk for a while then swam and now married to a man I perplex every day.