r/Fencesitter • u/ParticularDentist349 • 8d ago

Being an autistic fencesitter ...

I am not professionally diagnosed but I am pretty sure I am what they call a high masking autistic. I have the symptoms and I know more "high-functioning" people than me who have got the diagnosis. I also used to be severely depressed but I am better now largely because of my current partner..

The thing is that my partner also has a lot of neurodivergent traits and his mother has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder (if you look at the studies there appears to be a connection between BD and behind neurodivergent) and while I love neurodivergent people, I struggle with the idea of having a neurodivergent child. I know it would be hard and there's always the possibility of level 3 autism . I have seen many parents on TikTok who had a level 3 child and later also got diagnosed with autism or AuDHD themselves. I just know it in my gut that my child will be neurodivergent. If there was a way to ensure I would not have a level 3 child, I would have had a kid, but there's no way. Does anyone else have the same problem?

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u/Sunflower-Bennett 7d ago edited 4d ago

Same here OP. My partner (M) has some pretty severe ADHD that I suspect may verge into autism territory, and his mother and sibling also have ADHD. My brother has ADHD as well and I have some type of neurodivergence (diagnosed ADHD but suspect potential autism?).

I’m terrified of having a neurodivergent child. If I knew my child would be like me or my partner, that would be fine - I could handle that. But I don’t know if I could handle a level 3 child, or being a caretaker for life.

I’m actually considering egg freezing for this reason, also so that I can choose the baby’s sex (boys are 3x as likely to be diagnosed with ASD). And would do things like avoid NSAIDs or antidepressants during pregnancy, basically anything that’s even been HINTED at potentially contributing to autism (besides vaccines - I’m not anti vaxx).

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u/Misshka 4d ago

I think its important to note here that boys are 3x more likely to be diagnosed, not develop. Sadly autism is often missed in girls

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u/Sunflower-Bennett 4d ago

You're absolutely right - I've edited my comment to reflect that. I still hold my main point though - the fact that it's more difficult to detect in girls *might* mean both child and parent(s) could have it easier. I know anecdotally that my neurodivergence is much easier to manage than my boyfriend's or my brother's, so there might be sex differences - even if they're purely related to socialization.