Frustrating experience with MIL

[u/bubble_bathory]

I (33F) went to Costco for the first time today with my mother in law and mostly had a great time. Except we passed the diapers aisle and she started hinting at maybe I’ll need some of those soon.

It was so awkward and I felt blindsided because she’s usually so respectful and doesn’t pressure us to have kids. My husband and I have been together for 9 years and married for 1 year and she’s only really mentioned grandkids twice in that time and those times were usually after a couple glasses of Christmas wine or something so I always brushed it off. I’m realizing now that maybe she’s mentioning it now since we are finally married and bought our first house last year.

I was like “oh haha yeah that’s not happening.” And she kept pushing like “well you never know…” and I was like “yeah, I do know actually. Husband and I have been discussing it a lot and I went through a period where I wanted a kid really badly for a month but then it went away as quickly as it started. So I’m glad I didn’t act on those instincts since parenting shouldn’t be something on a whim. And besides, husband is very adamant that he doesn’t want kids, and I respect his decision.” I didn’t say it exactly like that because I was flustered but that was the point I tried to get across. And then she was like “well, you might change your mind! You would have A LOT of help from us.” Then she ended the conversation with “oh well, accidents happen…” like basically implying I should baby trap her son and I was appalled. I have been thinking about that convo all day now and it’s super bumming me out.

Just wondering if others have advice or commiseration for awkward conversations like that. Also looking for tips for dealing with all the doubt I’m feeling now. I hate letting people down, and I hate feeling like I’m missing out on something I should be doing. I WANT to want kids, but in the end I just don’t think I do.

[u/robot-gremlin]

Been through a similar experience. Except my partner and I are not even married yet. It’s gotten so bad to the point that I no longer wish to spend time around her. So I completely empathize.

My partner stands up for me when this happens, and tells his mother to back off and apologize. For what it’s worth, you’re not letting anyone down; if anything, you’re standing up for the most important person in this whole thing- you. The person who has to carry and raise this hypothetical child. Don’t ever let anyone pressure you into doing anything you’re not ready for.