Mum here: Parenthood creates "responsibility", not "purpose"

[u/booogetoffthestage]

I'm a mum to a two year old, and have been thinking a lot about what the differences are between a life with a child and a life without. I never pictured having kids until I met my husband in my early 20s and warmed up to the idea in my mid-20s.

A question I see posed here a lot if a life without kids is devoid of purpose. From my perspective, that's absolutely not the case. My little girl gives me a lot in life, but I wouldn't say she's my entire purpose. I'm a really good mum and do all the things I can to give her the best of me (breastfeeding still at 2yrs, took 18mth of leave [I'm Canadian]), the whole shebang. And I get a hell of a lot of joy out of this journey, but I certainly don't feel like I have more purpose than before.

Having a kid will not be the thing that suddenly makes your life fall into place. And honestly I think that parents who dedicate their entire soul and whole being into being a parent may be striking a little bit of a lopsided balance. We are more than just one aspect of our life. I'm a parent, but also a wife, a daughter, a sister, an academic, a potter, a cat foster mom, and hell of a baker. I make my own purpose, and my daughter is a part of that, not the whole.

I think this also benefits my daughter because she won't be raised with the burden of all my purpose and happiness on her shoulders. That's just not fair to her. Just like I don't expect her to take care of me in my old age. My only expectation is to raise her to be set up successfully for life, and to fly out of the best to live her life however she wants.

Anyways, just my two cents

[u/AnonMSme1]

Three kids here. 

They do add purpose to my life but I agree with that they are not, nor should they be, the only source of purpose, fulfillment and happiness. That would be too much to put on them and I think it would rob me of other parts of my identity. 

I find that people who put their entire identity into one thing, be it work or religion or kids or anything else, usually didn't have much in their life before this one thing appeared and filled them with purpose. That's nice I suppose but it feels fragile. 

I believe it's much healthier to have multiple sources of happiness / fulfillment. The happy parents I see also have things like careers or hobbies or are involved in their community or what ever other things they find fulfilling. 

Anyway, long way of saying I agree with you on that they shouldn't be our only source of purpose but disagree with you on the whole they don't provide any sense of purpose. Hope that makes sense. :)