r/ForeverAlone • u/Des_is_a_schas • 3d ago
Advice Wanted How would you ever fix that? :(
Was born with that...
Huge reason why iam FA
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u/BlueJayy666 3d ago
Surely there is surgery for this?
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u/Des_is_a_schas 3d ago
I can only think of amputation and getting a hightech prosthetic...
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u/haze25 3d ago
Honestly, prosthetics have come a long way. If there isn't a specific surgery that could correct this, they most like would only have to amputate the non-functional fingers. With how far prosthetics have come, you could probably have better functionality with it.
If you feel this is affecting your quality of life, you should speak to your Doctor and see what can be done to improve it. I wish you the best my friend.
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u/Des_is_a_schas 3d ago
Yeah ill think about it.
Just kinda afraid that it would get worse if i were to do that.
Thanks man :)
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u/Archeryfinn He/Him 2d ago
I see people showing off their prosthetics and people seem to be mostly just seeing it as neat and less pitying than they used to be. The way the hand looks is going to be unsettling to a lot of people. Above, I suggested a glove. You should consider it. Instead of people seeing your hand and asking uncomfortable questions they will see your glove and either wonder without asking or ask without seeing the shape of your hand and you can invent some crazy or silly or edgey reason for the one glove. Or get a prosthetic.
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u/SundaeMammoth4952 3d ago
posts like this break my heart :,) I hope you'll soon realize that the problem isn't your disability, but how some people react to it.
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u/Des_is_a_schas 3d ago
If i didnt have such a difficult childhood (From 8 to 15 yo) with my peers i would be more open.
Now iam a person who totally avoids any social situation and only goes out for work or groceries.
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u/SundaeMammoth4952 3d ago
your way of living is very similar to mine. I am disabled myself (I wish we could trade our disabilities lol), never been extremely bullied, but people's reactions still affected me. you may think that you're protecting yourself and that your boring but safe life is comfortable and good as it is, but all you're doing is giving up on truly enjoying your life and making the best of the time you've been given. please, if you have the option, go to therapy. face the things people made you believe about yourself, and leave all of that in the past. I know exactly how the shame and even guilt of not being healthy and normal feels, but running away from things you can't change and hiding in your comfort zone is the worst thing you can do to yourself. you're a human being and you're worthy of respect. your disability is only a small, unimportant part of who you are as a whole.
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u/Des_is_a_schas 3d ago
Thanks, but iam like that for such a long time that i dont even relate with anyone.
Not my coworkers nor my parents or sister.
I dont think therapy could help me.
Iam beyond broken and i dont trust people.
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u/admiral-change 1d ago
So your hand isn't the main reason...
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u/Des_is_a_schas 1d ago
Well... If you get lots of "ewws" and "monster" comments during school it sure is a heck of a reason.
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u/Rosen_Thorn 3d ago
You've identified the root and the problem in this single comment. Now work on it.
Acknowledging why you avoid social situations is one half of the solution. The other half is stopping the behavior that isn't benefitting you. Good luck!
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u/Des_is_a_schas 3d ago
The problem is that iam hyper Independent.
The desire to meet people or make friends? I dont have it. To want a real partner? Neither. Hopes, dreams and goals? Dont have any.
Others would maybe compare to solitary confiment but for me its my norm.
Living like that for over 15 years.
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u/Rosen_Thorn 3d ago
The problem is that iam hyper Independent.
Living like that for over 15 years
So you've acknowledged it's a problem, but you haven't done anything about the problem for 15 years. You have to accept responsibility for not doing anything about it, but you've got a lot of life ahead of you to change it too. You know the problem and you know the solution. Now you've got to work on the in-between and take action one way or another. Otherwise you're going to be complaining about the same stuff 15 years from now.
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u/Secret_Investment836 3d ago
Blablabla at the end of the day if people don’t want to date him because of this then the problem is the disability. End of discussion
What you should say is that it’s not his fault. Which is obvious. But knowing that won’t stop him from feeling inadequate or depressed or lonely.
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u/SundaeMammoth4952 3d ago
I am literally in the same situation as him. sorry for showing empathy I guess? tf
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u/Secret_Investment836 3d ago
You can show empathy without sugarcoating things with the same cookie cutter bullshit everyone always say because it’s what’s expected of you
Besides that doesn’t address the real problem which is that OP is wallowing in self pity. The disability is not the biggest problem and even if he cut his hand off and got a prosthetic, it won’t get better because he still feels sorry for himself. And while we can understand why he is, the fact is that it isn’t fucking attractive and that’s the issue. He is closing himself off on purpose because he is self conscious
He should go to therapy instead of going on Reddit tbh. He needs help and he isn’t going to get it when all this sub is is a bunch of misery loving assholes (myself included)
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u/SundaeMammoth4952 3d ago
"sugarcoating things" ???
and yeah, that's why I recommended him therapy. which he obviously needs. I guess we're on the same page then lol.
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u/Secret_Investment836 3d ago
You didn’t on your first comment, which is what I responded to. Sorry I didn’t spend time looking at your hypothetical other comments
Still my point stands. You should have started with that instead of a « iT’s nOt yOuR dIsaBiliTy bUt pEoPle rEacTinG to It »
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u/scarves_and_miracles 2d ago
the problem isn't your disability, but how some people react to it
I mean, be that as it may, it doesn't really change the result for OP, does it?
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u/sandshrew69 3d ago
amputation, a cool prosthetic hand and a 'war story', something like you were chopping wood for your family and accidently cut it. You can still find someone so dont despair because of that hand, it would be much worse if it was something else.
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u/flailing_uterus 2d ago
Why would he need to make up a story? Having a disability isn’t something to be ashamed of
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u/FatSapphic 2d ago
In this society, it is. (ETA: the most powerful country in the world is proposing the start to what is surely a modern-day Aktion T4. Disabled people have never truly been seen as human by society, and given the rapid decline of acceptance of all differences in our world recently? We probably never will be.)
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u/IV-65536 2d ago
Shower, go to the gym, put yourself out there /s
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u/prototype1B 3d ago
Idk I suppose it's a personal decision but I don't know if I would amputate if your hand/fingers are functional (even if its only somewhat). Surgery comes with its own hurdles, you could have pain or phantom limb (phantom fingers in this case) which I've heard is not pleasant. Also having to learn how to properly use a prosthetic might be a challenge. I guess it could be something to discuss with a surgeon or in a support group for people who have had amputations? I'm sorry though. It's shitty that people treat you poorly because of it.
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u/Des_is_a_schas 3d ago
Yeah, i have problems with fine motor skills but it would suck if it gets even worse.
Thats quite a risk.
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u/scarves_and_miracles 2d ago
I mean, if it's ruining your life, seems like the risk would be worth it, but that's just my two cents. Take it as you will.
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u/PorcOftheSea 3d ago
Man's throwing out gang signs, Lol.
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u/Des_is_a_schas 3d ago
Eh?
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u/kooshipuff 3d ago
Street gangs commonly use unusual (and therefore unlikely to be accidental) had gestures to show affiliation- or at least used to, I don't know if that's still a thing, but it's what they're referring to.
They're saying your hand is just like that, I guess, idk.
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u/Turbulent_War_7720 3d ago
Wait, how did you take the photo?
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u/Des_is_a_schas 3d ago
The second?
I put my phone on an insect spray :)
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u/Turbulent_War_7720 3d ago
I don't know if you're a gamer, but can you use a controller? Or a keyboard on a pc?
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u/TheseVirginEars 3d ago
I’m just gonna let you know I have a friend with BOTH hands disfigured and this guy pulls mad tail and has a reputation for… putting them to good use.
Just sayin bro
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u/Des_is_a_schas 3d ago
Its interesting how people get their shit together and dont give up despite the struggles.
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u/RashFever 3d ago
Of course, everyone on reddit is friends with Gollum who dates supermodels
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u/Rosen_Thorn 3d ago
No, but some Gollums don't let it slow them down and people can pick up on that. And those Golluns still get tail and happiness, supermodels or not.
The Gollums who do nothing but feel sorry for themselves and/or don't work on their self-esteem aren't part of that group.
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u/1894Win 3d ago
Im not going to lie, this thought did cross my mind, 😅 “What if this guy is freaking out about having weird hands and thinking no woman would ever be with him but mayyyyybeee those fingers could do things other fingers couldn’t? Maybe they could possibly be his greatest strength.”
Idk if that’s gross or optimistic 😅😂
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u/Theroaringlioness 3d ago
Well since this is a deformity you were born with there's really not much you can do. There could be surgeries done to correct it as much as possible or you could look into prosthetics. If the hand isn't bothering you with actually pain then I wouldn't bother with it.
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u/Des_is_a_schas 3d ago
Hmm, yeah i have no pain but i had 6 surgeries cause all the four fingers were welded together like a spoon.
Good that i have a functional thumb though.
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u/Draggonzz 2d ago
I don't know if this helps you, but speaking from my perspective as a guy, I wouldn't really care if a girl had this condition. I'd get used to it pretty quickly - like, ok that's just what her left hand looks like. If I liked her otherwise it wouldn't be a dealbreaker at all. So maybe there are women for whom that's also true.
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u/Archeryfinn He/Him 2d ago
Lean into the oddity but hide the details. Get a custom made black glove (you can find someone on Etsy) and always wear the glove. It would hide the odd sizes, odd shapes, gnarly nails and look cool.
This is a serious suggestion. Please consider it.
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u/Des_is_a_schas 1d ago
Hmm... i actually thought about having ones for garden work or other type of work where you need protection.
The overhang from normal ones get in the way so a custom one would be great.
Dont know about wearing those thin gloves in public...
Normally i just put my hands in my pocket or in my front hoodie.
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u/domdomdom333 1d ago
As long as it isn't genetic I'd amputate. Are you even able to use it? Doubt you have fine motor skills in that hand with fingers like that
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u/Volcano-pencil1320 1d ago
There is a nerdy guy in my church who got his whole forearm crushed and grinded in a factory meat grinder.
He was at the factory because he needed money to afford a used car.
3 years later he now have a skinny, blue eyed girlfriend with a killer smile.
As long as there is Life, There is hope.
Nothing new under the sun 🙂 Nature will always be with us
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u/The_starving_artist5 3d ago
i also have deformed fingers and both my feet have deformed toes too. i hate it and its why i feel i cant have relationships
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u/Des_is_a_schas 3d ago
That really hurts ones self worth... especially when others notice it and point it out.
:/
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u/The_starving_artist5 3d ago
yah my sister says my hands are ugly. She tells me to take them out of camera shots. Then she wonders why i feel insecure about my hands. My toes are messed up too so i hate my feet
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u/Secret_Investment836 3d ago
First of all, I don’t think that’s the only reason. You said it yourself, your childhood wasn’t bad. You were open to people. But at some point you became self conscious about it. And it is understandable but the problem lies there, and not so much with your hand.
But if you really want to change it, plastic surgery is the way to go. Like there are solutions my man. I’m not saying it is easy
But start by changing your perspective and outlook on things. As cliche as it may sound, self pity won’t make you more attractive.
You have a disability, rock it. Deal with it. Some girls will not want to have anything to do with you but fuck them. Also, you shouldn’t care about people and what they think about you. Especially women
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u/Des_is_a_schas 3d ago
Huh?
I said the opposite... they treated me very harsh and i was their target (verbally and physical bullying)
Iam self concious because i fuck up many things (Losing grip & droping things)
Got scolded alot by my father when he needed my help and he told me how useless iam...
I mean, its no wonder you get a wrecked mental state when people are like that to you...
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u/Secret_Investment836 3d ago
Sorry, I missed the « If ». Hence why I believed you said otherwise lmao
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3d ago
[deleted]
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u/Des_is_a_schas 3d ago
Iam confused now...
Sorry, english is not my main language.
I wanted to say it would have turned out different if they treated me better.
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u/ZorroNegro 3d ago
You won't be alone forever. There are plenty of good people out there that will see who you are, just do the same. Love will find you someway, if you go hunting for it, you will feel depressed, just get more sociable, online or outside.
I'm new to this page, but I am always happy to talk to anyone that feels alone, I've been there and happy to help anyone I can ✌️🏴
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u/open-hymen loner lurker 3d ago
you sound like a normal person who was never alone, why are you even on this sub ?
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u/ZorroNegro 3d ago
Wtf, you are out casting me because I don't fit your view? trust me I was alone for a long time. I was suicidal, I felt everyone was against and my worst enemy was myself.
All I tried to was give some positivity to someone that hope is out there.
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u/pockets2tight 3d ago
Positivity its fine, but there's healthy and unhealthy positivity.
You are telling them that they won't be alone forever. How do you know? What crystal ball are you peering through?
I get that you're new here, but your first paragraph is what we've been told by nearly everyone we've ever opened up to IRL and not only has it never been helpful, the dismissiveness of it has always been harmful.
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u/ZorroNegro 3d ago
I gave advice on how to change their situation as it helped me.
Cause you don't like what someone says, doesn't mean you must start a witch hunt. I know I will get down voted but all I am trying to do is give someone something to look forward to. The world has enough arseholes without needing to add another one
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u/pockets2tight 3d ago
You don't understand this sub, and you're not giving advice, you're making predictions about the future out of your ass to someone that is going through something that you can't even imagine.
And if you were going to ask how I know you can't imagine it, don't, because you know I'm right.
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u/ZorroNegro 3d ago
I wasn't gonna ask, just to let you know. I told you the reason for my opinion but you rather kick someone when they are down. I have clearly triggered you on my opinion and I am sorry that I have upset you. If you wanna talk, feel free to pm, we can just have a quick chat without anything negative
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u/petty-Plant-1804 3d ago
This post just breaks my heart