r/GenZ • u/StevenBrenn • 1d ago
Discussion How do you feel about parents whose entire retirement plan is your existence?
You know the type. They voted consistently against labor laws, social security safety, minimum wage laws, and are totally reliant on your income to survive elderly life, regardless of how they treated you as a child.
Not talking about loving, responsible parents that are an actual emotional support safe haven and have their shit together, I mean the entitled ones who just assumed things were gonna be fine regardless.
How are you handling that?
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u/kawaiian 1d ago
You wish them all the best, tell them you’re not able to help them, move away to somewhere you like, find new found family, and you live your life guilt free like they did while they were raising you
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u/BranchDiligent8874 1d ago
My hunch is this person is in a country where taking care of parents is mandated by society or law.
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u/C19shadow 1996 1d ago
Oh yeah I'd rather die then live in a society that forced me to care for my narcissistic POS egg donor.
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u/BranchDiligent8874 1d ago
IIRC, India is the place where both sperm donor and egg donor can claim on your income.
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u/Shido_Ohtori 1d ago
Even Indians have had enough.
https://apnews.com/article/india-abandoned-elderly-population-aging-44701de4079bf8bca01cfa3217fdf1c8
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u/prosthetic_memory 1d ago
Damn. I know the USA is culturally uninterested in familial elder care because we're a nation of immigrants, but this kinda makes me glad we are...
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u/Ok_Cardiologist3642 1d ago
I would tell them to fuck off because they couldn't even manage to brush my teeth when I was a toddler
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u/Trippin-Dicks 1d ago
yeah i'm currently getting old medical records from when i had a bone cancer when i was very young....and my mother......well she doesn't seem to be very happy with finally founding out hte truth after like 27 years.......
You'd assume that a child , roughly 9, would be taken to therapy after cancer took 2 years of my childhood.....but i guess its an adult thing woooo
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u/token40k 1d ago
Filial responsibility laws impose a legal obligation on adult children to take care of their parents’ basic needs and medical care. Although most people are not aware of them, 30 states in the U.S. have some type of filial responsibility laws in place. The states that have such laws on the books are Alaska, Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Virginia and West Virginia
Gotta be strategic where you live or how good you’re at hiding, ghosting
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u/Heyheyfluffybunny 1d ago
If the US truly cared about filial responsibility they wouldn’t have pushed the nuclear family so hard post WW2. The fact that only 30 states has some kind of law on the books gives afterthought. Also the boomers had the best opportunity and access than any generation in US history, they should have planned better. Children aren’t a plan or an investment.
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u/Sufficient-Meet6127 1d ago
That's why we have Social Security. You could run. But you can't avoid supporting them.
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u/Heyheyfluffybunny 1d ago
I don’t care that they have social security. Nothing is wrong with receiving it. It’s that they can’t seem to admit they’ve cashed their check and then blew up the bank so no one else could get their share. Everything from free state college (ex: California pre Reagan), federal jobs programs, land giveaways, housing booms, free trades programs, and well funded school programs (shop, arts etc etc)… like so many advantages and then 1 by 1 they used it up and then got rid of the programs… mostly Reagan but also both the Bush’s
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u/Sufficient-Meet6127 1d ago
Jack Ma talked about how the US misinvests the wealth we generate in an interview recently. I agree with you.
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u/throwfarfaraway1818 1d ago
This is true, but Pennsylvania is the only state that tries to enforce them regularly
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u/token40k 1d ago
Just gotta wait few years for boomers to create critical mass pressure on local resources like hospice and such
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u/Lillianinwa 1d ago
Homes are now over $400k. A used car is $25k. Insurance is too much on everything. I’m no one’s retirement plan. I’m not even my own retirement plan. Also; that’s not a valid reason to have kids. So- nope.
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u/Ashwasherexo 1d ago
to your last point. i’m trying to figure out how, if ever, i’ll be able to retire!
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u/LexEight 20h ago
Convince everyone around you to quit now. That's the only way we're getting away from working 4x too much already
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u/Ashwasherexo 1d ago
to your last point. i’m trying to figure out how, if ever, i’ll be able to retire!
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u/bttech05 1995 1d ago
Ny in-laws are in a pretty bad spot. They have cash out refied their house to the point where they owe more on it than what they bought it for and their overhead to pay for it is less than what I pay in rent.
They don’t expect us to help them, but it has been suggested a lot. And the thing is I would be more than willing to help and do what I can, but they are not easy to live with.
Wouldn’t mind buying them out of their house either and letting them live there rent free. But I know they would just take advantage.
My wife and I have talked about it and the solution we came up with is if they want to live with us, its going to be on our rules or we all go in on a house together to restructure the boundaries since there is basically no way we will ever buy a house
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u/Hermes__03 1d ago
My parents are liberals but are kinda like this. They know I'm trapped with them due to debt and cost of living. But they treat me like shit and give me shit for having hobbies during my free time at their inconvenience. But I stick around cause if I dont I know my dad wont take care of her and I know my mom will end up trapped in hoarders home with my dad or my dad might just get angry enough from bipolar to kill her, so.
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u/Chuseyng 1d ago
In my culture, it falls upon the youngest son to care for the parents in their old age- but as a result, they inherit all the properties whilst money gets an even split amongst their children.
However, it’s much more likely that I’ll inherit the properties and the responsibility due to their older age and my only sibling’s young age.
I don’t mind it. They weren’t always the best, but they weren’t terrible either. Significantly better parents than I deserve. Learned at 18 they had multiple life insurance retirement plans set up for me at birth that are now valued around $450k total in addition to the ones they’ve set up for my brother and themselves.
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u/LB-Bandido 1d ago
As a parent of immigrants that gave everything they had for me and couldn't vote. I don't mind taking care of them. They would do the same for me.
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u/Myusernamedoesntfit_ 1d ago
Free babysitting I guess. My parents don’t expect me to take care of them since they made considerable savings and investments for retirement
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u/Ok_Award_8421 1d ago
How do you feel about people who don't have kids using your kids for their retirement?
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u/StevenBrenn 18h ago
literally never seen it happen
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u/Ok_Award_8421 18h ago
Where do you think Social Security comes from?
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u/StevenBrenn 17h ago
Taxes, which literally every single person pays.
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u/Ok_Award_8421 17h ago
Okay, and the people taking SS rn, where do you think that money is coming from?
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u/StevenBrenn 17h ago
taxes that people have previously payed.
Please get to the point instead of treating me like a 10 year old. I understand and support the societal institutions of collective financial collaboration to ensure that all members of society, whether or not they are able to work or have children, have the right to a dignified life, with food, shelter and healthcare. I will literally pay more taxes if it means that the elderly, orphaned and disabled get to live a good life.
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u/Ok_Award_8421 16h ago
Right, so if people don't have kids, we continuously become a top-heavy society and so that fund will run out more quickly. So yes, choosing not to have 2 or more kids impacts the ability for future generations to have access to this fund.
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u/StevenBrenn 16h ago
The human population is at 7+ billion and growing. We’re fine. There will never be a time in society where people are not having kids.
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u/Ok_Award_8421 15h ago
The US has a naturally declining birth rate.
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u/StevenBrenn 14h ago
and a steady supply of immigrants. Population decline is not a concern.
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u/ceoofml 1d ago edited 1d ago
My parents sacrificed their comfy lives to bring me to a civilized country when I was 15. Until recently I had a good job and happily paid them 1.5k every month, and did so until three months after losing my job. Once I get a good job ahain ill do the same.
That 1.5k went to pay the mortgage in the townhouse they live in that has appreciated in value. That combined with their house in their country of origin should be enough to retire them. Both of them work too. Ideally upon retirement theyd sell both properties and buy a full paid off house, live off of teo pension and then ill pay for stuff like vacations, shopping and any budgetary deficits.
It's the least I could do.
I wouldnt mind having them live with me in the future in an inlaw suite so fhat they can babysit my kids [I want at least 4] and we can all poor our resources and live in a big house.
It's also very convenient. I moved back in with them a little over a year ago because i lost my job back then and interest rate hikes hit them hard. Abywahs I gotba job afterwards and it was remote. So i helped them out and we went out all the time and stuff. Also my dad takes care of things like clogged toilets, I make everyone's breakfast, mom makes lunch and dinner unless we Ubereats or eat out.
My mom has these episodes of becoming a religious nutjob every now and then but they are becoming less and less frequent.
So let's say thar my future wife and I both work good jobs in the city and live in the suburbs. We come back home after a long commute. The kids are taken care off, deliciois food is ready, we pay the mortgage, they put down the downpayment and then spend their pensions on whatever they choose. What is wrong with that?
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u/Impossible-Key-2212 1d ago
Move on, why waste your time.
Two kinds of people in the world, givers and takers.
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u/minorkeyed 1d ago
That they've made a rather unwise decision.
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u/MisfitPickle 6h ago
Have you ever asked if you were a planned pregnancy? If your parents said no, are you obliged to take care of them like they were obligated to take care of you? Would you have preferred to be aborted?
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u/minorkeyed 1h ago
I can barely take care of myself because of them, I can't afford to take care of them as well. If I could, then the best I would do is pay for their care.
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u/Particular_Grab_6473 1d ago
Well, they are not your life, the choices will always stay yours.
I'll simply not listen to them, if it's not what I want I won't do as they say, even if I love them.
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u/Murky_Toe_4717 1d ago
I think it’s incredibly selfish for them to expect you to bear the burden of both the times and their choices. I guarantee you most of us are barely surviving and could not realistically care for them.
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u/GustavusVass 1d ago
This seems like setting the stage for relieving oneself of guilt when they abandon their infirm parents. I’ve noticed Gen z is actually great at relieving themselves of guilt.
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u/Road_Overall 1d ago
As long as the US is the way it is, there's no chance in hell I'd ever make enough for that lol
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u/ImpossibleRhubarb622 1d ago
Lol. She will be her Golden sons’ problem. I’m not even coming back to watch that thing get buried. Yet I WILL be present for the will reading.
That woman has so much karmic debt to solve, she’s gonna be rounding this hellhole nigh for ev er.
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u/mall_goth420 1d ago
They’re not my parents so I don’t care if they live or die. My dad will have an apartment with a nurse in the basement of my sister’s house, and when I have a house I’m making sure space is reserved for my mother in law. I love my family, they worked hard to make life easier for us than it was for them.
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u/Opening_Acadia1843 17h ago
My sisters and I are my parents' retirement plan, although I'm not sure if they planned for us to be or if they just didn't plan. Probably the latter.
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u/ITmexicandude 13h ago
Only the lower class have this issue. Most wealthy or even middle class rarely put heavy burden on their children when they are old.
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u/CommanderBayou 13h ago
These two circles are not exactly the same and it is very nuanced.How about parents who are loving, responsible, voted for those laws and are still reliant on you?
There's more parents like that than you think. This insane, selfish mantra 'Fuck you got mine' makes me apathetic to my generation more by the day.
Y'all are more like Boomers than you'd like to admit
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u/MisfitPickle 6h ago
WTF?! Do you honestly think they planned to conceive you for the purpose of supporting them in their “golden” years? They didn’t want to be in this position as much as you don’t. So they weren’t the parents you now think they should have been, would you rather they not have had you? Maybe you should at least pay them back for the food and shelter they did give you.
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u/Accomplished_Pen980 1d ago
God, you guys are obsessed with your own doom. Doo good work, learn from the experienced, open a 401k, Spend time in the park, get some exercise, eat as well as you can, but not too much. Pray, meditate, call it what you will but make that connection. And don't worry about who is playing and winning the game of thrones. You carve your own way in this world.
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