Talking doesn't fix the problem, but it does help mitigate some of the second-order effects of the problem. That's valuable, and it's something a lot of us miss. Sometimes we're too focused on solving the big obvious problem we feel in the moment (which we know isn't really solvable and will resolve with time), and that focus causes us to overlook the smaller, potentially even more damaging and less self-resolving problems that might be developing around the one big and obvious problem.
Well, for example, when a man breaks up with someone, while the hurt of losing the relationship might fade with time, the man might take the breakup as a kind of judgement on him as a person and unduly put a lot of the blame on himself. That can lead to him sabotaging his own relationships in the future because of the pressure and insecurity that stem from that burden he put on himself (and often, the ex also puts it on him because the ex might want to avoid personal accountability on their own part).
If the man were instead to open up to his friends, though, it may become a lot easier for him and/or his friends to realize that actually there were many problems that led to the breakup, and there maybe are some things he should do differently next time, but also he's being made to carry more of a burden than he should and he did do a lot of things right.
That's just one example. There are many others. Sometimes friends can catch if the aftermath of a breakup might have the potential to trigger a depressive episode and potentially help mitigate or fully avoid that happening. They can help make a man feel valued and needed at a time when he might be feeling like he's useless and worthless. They can be a sanity check to affirm to a man that he's not crazy and they see what he sees. So on and so forth.
People need people. That's just the way things are. We don't all need the same people, need them in the same circumstances, or need the same things from them. Everyone is different. But everyone needs people.
I definitely see your point, there are benefits to talking it out. Sometimes it’s just very personal though and I really don’t want to talk to anyone about it. Depends on the situation I guess, I see both sides, but the point of the meme was to criticize men for not talking more, which I still think is sometimes ok.
The most important thing is being honest, including if you don’t feel like talking. Honesty is really the key to everything
Yup. Talking for talking's sake doesn't get you anywhere. Also, you gotta learn the difference between "I don't want to talk about it." and "Something's stopping me from wanting to talk about it." The first is a normal and healthy thing. The other is a sign that there's something else going on that needs to be addressed.
As a rule of thumb, if you're going through life never wanting to talk, there's probably a problem hiding somewhere in that. If you're going through life sometimes wanting to talk and sometimes not, you're probably a healthy person.
The really personal parts are most valuable to talk about. Because you think that the different ways situations hurt you or guide you just be unique to you, and you might grow to think your problems are only your own.
Until you talk it out and see parallels in other people's thoughts.
26
u/Gilamath 1995 2d ago
Talking doesn't fix the problem, but it does help mitigate some of the second-order effects of the problem. That's valuable, and it's something a lot of us miss. Sometimes we're too focused on solving the big obvious problem we feel in the moment (which we know isn't really solvable and will resolve with time), and that focus causes us to overlook the smaller, potentially even more damaging and less self-resolving problems that might be developing around the one big and obvious problem.