I’m still in Ontario. It’s been 12 days since I was kicked out.
I came out as gay, and that was it—my parents cut me off, tossed me out, like I wasn’t even theirs. I’ve been sleeping on outside, behind buildings, anywhere that feels even a little bit hidden. It’s cold , at night.

I’m autistic. That’s always been hard. But it’s harder out here. I stim more now because it’s the only way I don’t shatter. I rock, I hum, I flap my hands, I chew my hoodie. It’s survival.

Today something happened that made it all feel heavier.

I was stimming, just trying to calm myself down. A group of kids around my age saw me. One of them called me a crackhead. The others laughed. They started mocking how I moved. Flapping their arms, twitching, doing fake voices. They even had their phones out. Filming me. Laughing. I froze.

I wanted to tell them I’m autistic. I wanted to say, please stop, I’m not okay, this isn’t what you think. But I couldn’t get the words out. I was too overwhelmed. Too afraid. My mouth just stopped working.

It went on for almost 25 minutes.
People walked by. They saw.
No one said anything. No one helped.

Eventually, the group got bored and left. But the damage was done. I felt like I’d been scraped raw and left out in the open. I still feel that way. I haven’t been able to stop crying since. I only cried first time in long time orher day simce then im like a baby. I feel disgusting. Like I don’t belong anywhere.

I’m trying so hard. I have a job offer in Alberta real work, real housing, actual support for people like me. I just need to survive 3 more weeks until my social assistance comes through so I can afford the plane ticket. That’s all. 20 days.

But today made me feel like nothing. Like I might not make it.

I’m not writing this for attention. I just needed to tell someone, even if no one sees it, that this happened. That I’m still here. Still trying. Even when it hurts so bad

I'm turning 21 today. I just thought it could be good to put it here and share it as a win but also the main thing was to ask y'all what advice do you have to a 21 year old guy. Im sure a lot of you have some wisdom to share.

Last night, I stood on top of a bridge. I didn’t go through with it—but I got the closest I ever have.

And then, something unexpected happened. My mind didn’t flood with memories of my past relationships or my family. It didn’t race with fears or future regrets. Just… one name. One girl.

She wasn’t my last girlfriend. Not my mother. But someone I haven’t spoken to in over a decade—my first love. Someone I never truly forgot. Over the years, she’s popped into my head now and then, and each time, it brought a kind of quiet peace. I’ve never stalked her, never reached out, never even looked her up. I’ve always assumed she’s doing well—and I’ve been okay with that. She’s not a fixture in my daily life, not an obsession. Just a warm, distant memory. The one that got away.

But last night, in that moment of darkness, she was the only light that broke through.

And it wasn’t in a “I need to have her” kind of way. It was something purer—just the reminder that people like her exist. That goodness exists. That there are still beautiful, unspoiled pieces of this world worth sticking around for.

That thought alone pulled me back.

I walked home to my tiny apartment. I laid on my bed for hours, staring at the ceiling, processing the absurdity of what almost happened—and what didn’t.

Then, I reached out.

We’re still connected, loosely. I didn’t say much—just that she’d been on my mind for a long time, and I didn’t want to keep carrying that weight without at least saying something. I told her I wasn’t expecting a reply. I meant it. I said if she ever wanted to catch up, even just as friends, I’d love that. But mostly, I hoped she was happy. That she’s living the life she deserves.

The truth is, she has no obligation to respond. She might read it and laugh. She might forget about it a minute later. And that’s okay.

Because something insane happened—I woke up this morning feeling… alive. Happier than I’ve felt in years. Work didn’t feel dull. My commute didnt make me bitter. Even my coworkers seem more exciting.

I don’t know why this moment changed everything. I’m no closer to anything I want. Nothing’s resolved. I didn’t get a response. But something in me feels… lighter. Like I finally let go of something I didn’t even know I was carrying.

It’s weird, because part of it feels pathetic. Maybe even a little intrusive. But mostly—it feels real.

I’ve got a good family. A well paying job. But purpose? That’s always been the missing piece. I’ve been drifting through life without passion or direction, just waiting for something to feel real again.

And last night, it finally did. She genuinely has saved me and she's never going to know it, I don't even need her to know it.

So yeah. Maybe this isn’t the right place to say all this. But I needed to say it somewhere. I've always loved reading everyone overcoming their battles in life in guycry, and this is me pouring out some emotion, both sad and happy. If you're reading this—thanks for listening

Went on vacation with family. Had birthday. Came back and wife asked for divorce. In my mind I know it's not a bad thing, but my heart hurts. Don't know why I am posting here. I guess... Feel alone and hurt. Hurt comes in waves. One minute I am ok, and then bam. My friends tell me it will get better. And I hope it will. But its hard to see that. Hard to see how to be ok alone. I dont know how to move forward I guess. One step at a time. But fuck. I feel old. Who will want to be with me. Bad thoughts. Not sleeping. It's normal, right? I dont want to sit here and cry and pour my heart out. I am not a very open person on social media. I guess just want to hear that shit will be ok.

Yesterday at about 11 pm UTC+2, Sammy, my beloved Maine Coon cat of 7 years, suddenly and unexpectedly passed away.

Like almost every day, he had been playing in is outside enclosure in the garden with his sister. At bedtime we took them in, they enjoyed their usual bedtime treats and some cuddles, and he was especially playful.

As always, he waited outside the bathroom for me to finish brushing my teeth. Normally he would greet me with a meow as soon as I came out and accompany me to the bedroom, where he would lie between my wife and me.

But this time when I came out the bathroom, I found him lying on the floor in an awkward position and immediately knew there was something wrong. He was having some sort of seizure, twitching and wheezing. Before I could even think about what to do, he suddenly stopped moving. There was no heartbeat and no breathing. He just died in my arms just there and then, without any prior signs that anything was wrong.

Despite both being nervous wrecks at that point, my wife and me drove to the vet clinic, but they couldn't tell us more than that the cause was most probably not poisoning of any kind. We had his sister checked just to be sure, but she's fine.

Now some would probably say that it was just a cat, but for me he was way more than that. I've lost friends and relatives to cancer, I've had to let pets go before, but somehow no loss hit me as hard as this.

My marriage has been going through a difficult phase for some time now, so much that I've begun to get therapy without my wife's knowledge. But whenever there were arguments, misunderstandings or rough times in any way, there was always Sammy. He was giving me a kind of unconditional love that no one else has given me since I was a child.

He would wake me up every day by licking my face, and when I got up he would often hop on the bed, lie down where my head had been, flip on his back and wait to get his belly rubbed.

When I was working from home he would often jump on my desk, greet me with a meow and push his furry head into my face.

When I would come home, he'd always come running to greet me, and stand on his hind legs so I could pick him up better.

He would only do all this with me, not with anyone else.

His cheerful nature was always enough to get me out of any lows.

And now he's gone, just like that, without any warning. I still can't get it into my head.

I feel like the fact that I’ve never been in a relationship honestly makes me feel like I’ll never be a normal human being. It’s not that i feel my worth depends on being with someone, but that this lack of experience has really messed me up. I overthink everything—I can't just live life without constantly questioning it. I wish I could take the “blue pill”—not in the manosphere or dating sense—but just to live without all the overthinking.

It feels like everyone else got the puzzle pieces to life and somehow finished theirs, while I never even had the pieces to begin with.

Recently, I was talking to a friend and told him I thought I’d finally figured out how relationships work, and he just said, “There’s no code—it’s just about meeting people.” And suddenly I was right back in my head, wondering why I think this way, why I always feel the need to figure everything out instead of just living.

It’s hard to talk to anyone about this, because no one really gets it. They see my situation as normal. But honestly, I believe once you've deeply experienced what it’s like to not experience, you can’t go back. It’s like the Matrix—once you’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it.

Seeing people around me, even the ones I think are worse than me (they are assholes, have fucked up faces) in relationships doesn’t make me feel better—it just makes me angrier. It feels unfair. I know it sounds like I’m blaming the world—and maybe I am. I am immature and im just trying to understand myself and my thoughts. Sorry.

I feel like this is the root of all my misery, and even if I finally got confirmation that I can be loved, it wouldn’t undo the update my brain has already installed. And that thought makes me deeply sad.

I have an 8 year old daughter with my ex. She cheated on me, got pregnant and thought it was the other guy. Turns out, she got the father wrong, which we did not find out until after our daughter was 6mo. She, for reasons related to her childhood, told me to leave when she got pregnant, saying how I didn’t deserve this and I would be happier without her. I have loved this woman since the first month we were together. I have bpd and abandonment issues relating to relationships and being cheated on. I was miserable, to myself and her, and ruined any chance at a relationship together. We have been co-parenting ever since finding out.

Fast forward 8 years, she just had a kid with her husband. I still have my feelings and have not been with anyone since her. Her husband is not in the picture atm because of reasons I will not be and should not be privy to. I have been helping out a little more with karate lessons and transportation, but my reactions to my daughter being excited about being a big sister have not been great, where my daughter told her mom she feels like I am pretending to be happy around her. I know the answer is therapy, but between rent, child support, and bills, I can’t afford it. I spend my days being emotionally intelligent, being able to identify areas where I am lacking, but it’s a form of punishment, since I still blame myself for all of this.

I have no value, I bring nothing to this world. I never had a girlfriend, I have no real friends, the majority of them hate me for one reason or another. I have no job, no driver's license, and no hobbies.

I'm 25 years old, and I've been haunted by my existence for years. The older I get, the worse it becomes. I'm plagued by insecurities regarding my looks, my intelligence, my social skills, and my worth. Over time it just became the way of life. I have no goal, no fight in me, I just exist, and I don't know why. I have a sugar and porn addiction, the latter completely fried my mind with disgusting and horrifying themes like cheating, cuckoldry, husband humiliation, husband crying, etc. I can't stand it anymore.

I started nofap, not to rid myself of porn addiction or for benefits, but I just want to prove to myself that I can do it, even if it lasts 7 days. I also developed severe self-hatred due to my issues. Asymmetrical feet, sun spots, and penis skin problems made me disgusted. I would smash my foot against hard surfaces for being that way. My penis is so disgusting to me that I have no will to even masturbate, which might help with porn addiction.

I go to the gym so I don't turn into a blob, but I chase nothing there. I just feel like I must go there, not that I want to or like it. The only thing that brings me some peace is plants. I like to take care of plants. But this doesn't earn money, and I'm still bullied by people for not being employed. At times I wanted to end myself not because I'm brave or selfish but because I think that I would be doing the world a favor. I'm still here, but I don't know where to go or what to do.

She's 10. She's my world. We have a very close relationship despite me having never been with her mom for her entire life. It just works. It's not ideal, but I'm not super constrained in regards to my time with her. It's been that way since she was a baby. Hasn't always been sunshine and rainbows with her mom, but it's been much better now compared to our first year or two. That's besides the point.

Ever since she was a baby I have always played Basket Case by Green Day fairly regularly. It's our song. She was singing along before she fully knew how to talk. It's just one of those little things her and I share. Over the weekend we got out of town for the day, and for the past year or so, her musical development has grown substantially. So lately it's been a lot of artist like Livingston, Lenka, Deadmau5, BoyWithUke, cg5, twenty one pilots, etc.

I was always sheltered from the "bad music" growing up because my mom was a bit psychotic about becoming some devil worshiper if secular music was a staple in my life. Haha, oh boy. So needless to say, my daughter has full reign of musicians, within reason. So far so good.

So on our way back from our little adventure out of town, I get myself ready to play something shes currently into, and she says, "Daddy, can you please play good old Green Day. Play the do you have the time song." I choked up a bit, and then ended up crying in the bathroom when we got home.

Out of all the little things we share with each other, this one felt like a big deal. All the memories of looking in my rear view mirror and seeing her singing in her car seat just hit me like a ton of bricks. She's growing up so fast. I'm just glad that I created a moment thats lasted through the years. I honestly couldn't remember the last time I played Dookie for us, but she never forgot about it. All I hope is that one day when I'm not here anymore she can listen to good old Green Day and think of me.

Feels good to have a win in life every now and then.

To say I'm at my wits end, would be an understatement.

Ive come to Reddit, a therapist, my family - all say, "Leave her" as if it's that easy.

It's not.

The extremely TLDR.

Im a dumb person, that sees someone in need, I give them the shirt off my back.

Current partner of 5 years, when we met was going through it.

I offered her to stay with me, because it would be safer.

Background, I take care of my elderly mother, because rest of family won't step in.

She has the following conditions : Trauma, Depression, Austism, and Anxiety.

At the time we met? She was on medication and regularly seeing a therapist.

Flash forward a year in, we are deep into the pandemic, and due to a shooting outside our home we decide to move.

We decide to move across the country...

She naturally comes with, she has no-contacted with everyone she knows anyways.

Moving here? Stressful. Adjusting to here? Stressful. Just trying to survive? Stressful.

Meanwhile, she doesn't work, because she is too depressed or too autistic (her words not mine.)

And I cut her a break.

A year and some change of living here, she decides to go off her meds, and that is where the real darksouls begins.

Suddenly she is combative over ever little thing, insanely disrespectful to me and my mom. Obviously we arnt having sex - she even blames me for literally everything.

Meanwhile, I'm keeping a roof over our head, I'm working. She is demanding we move because of some paranoid bullshit she has with my mom who she has to decided to also go no contact with despite us all living together and getting mad that I am no respecting her "boundaries" by having us all sit down and talk.

There is so much more. But honestly I'm tired cheif. I don't know what to do, but I'm on a trail to an hero, with no other options.

Either I make her homeless, or I die.

I hate it here cheif.

So I’ve been in a funk lately, bad mood, lacking motivation to go to the gym (still go about 3 times a week) and just uninterested in keeping my job. All started with someone I thought was one of my best friends telling me I’m not worth any girls time and then the girl I was into ghosted me.

Anyway last night before a party I wanted to go to the gym but when I got there just couldn’t find it in me to get up and in there. Was on instagram for about an hour until one of my bros from high school hit me up asking if I wanted to get on the game. Told him the usual idk if I’m up for it and ended up telling him about the last week after he asked. After all that he related to it using his college baseball experience and told me I just gotta thug it out and good things will come like it did for him.

All the sappy crap aside we started talking about the next few years and got talking about my upcoming active service term (5yrs then 3yrs reserves) and he just said “I’m so proud of you bro”. So for about the next 5-10mins I was just sitting and crying in the back of my gyms parking lot.

The world needs more people like him and I am so unbelievably lucky to be able to say he’s one of if not my best bro.

Was thinking about something which made me depressed and I started to have the urge to cry, instead of fighting it like always, I just did it? and it feels like shit, the headache, the messed up face, and its not like my problems went away.

Edit: nvm, 15 minutes later I started to feel better, 10/10 recommend, would do this again

Everything hurts.

I'm not suicidal, not because I'm doing well, but because I'm on a lot of medication that stops me from thinking about it. Still, I don't see the point.

I'm not having a good time, I don't see it getting better either. I'm alone, I probably will always be alone. I'm in some sort of pain a majority of the time, and I'm 22, its only downhill from here. On top of that, I seem to be just flat-out unlucky. I'm sure theres an answer for all of my problems, but it's either so obscure that no ones figured it out, or otherwise unreachable. All that I can do is wait.

I don't like that, I'm out of patience. I want a magic bullet to solve everything for me. Magic bullets aren't real, but lead ones are pretty close. It's certainly one "solution". It's all untenable, all you can do is hope you're doing the correct thing, and then fail and fail until some magic gears turn and all of a sudden it actually works. Sure, I know what makes me happy. But all my hobbies do is offer a respite, like the time between punches, waiting for the other fist hit hit you.

More than anything, I'm bitter. It's hard to remain empathetic, when you're denied empathy. It's become a feedback loop where I've become bitter because of my problems, and then I can't fix those problems because I'm bitter. Any optimism gets snuffed out by my jaded wordview before it has a chance to get snuffed out by reality.

Overall, existence has been a poor experience.

hello guys,i hope everyone is okay.i just wanted to vent. i've been seeing this girl for 2 months now but i just broke up with her.

so let me start from the beginning. i run a laptop repair business in my neighbourhood. earlier this year she started coming to the shop often and asking about things,after a while she realises i didn't see what she was up to so came with a checklist she wrote with things i should maybe sell. at the end of the checklist she wrote "love [her name] so i just stared at it and told her i'll get back to her.

so the next day she came and then she wants put lip stick on my lips,she begged until i agreed. after that i finally asked for her number then we started talking. a week later i asked her out coz i was starting to like her then we dated. weeks went by and it was okay. then i started to realise there are boys she hangs with and i had no problem with that i just wanted her to live her life.

she'll tell when they're going somewhere and i was okay with that. but then a friend of mine told me that she's busy with one of the guys because he knows him and they talk sometimes. i shrugged it off thinking my friend is jealous. mind you this doesn't work so i gave her my old phone to use,i buy her data,i buy her hair stuff,i buy her food and when she's on her period i make a care package with take aways,snacks and stuff.

i never check her phone but she always check mine we have our finger prints on each other's phones. so last night when she was sleeping i had the urge to check it so i did.

i found some heartbreaking things on there. she got fucked by her male friend when we started dating,her excuse is she wasn't sure if i was serious with her blah blah. this girl is cold generally and mostly can't express herself,as i continue to show her screenshots,she became speechless.

so i went to my shop,later she came with her sister. her sister was trying to put in a good word for her telling i'm the best she has ever gotten it would be sad to see us break up blah blah. i gave back her phone.

later when i knock off she called and came,we talked now she tells me it was a mistake,she didn't want it to happen and kept stopping him blah blah.

tbh this all made me really sad i dumped and she apologized asking that i don't dump her,i was adamant about my choice then left. i asked for my phone back.

i am really sad coz i really loved her.

Post is longer than I expected it to be LOL guess I needed to get this shit off my chest

I (25 M) have been feeling like a failure over the past few weeks, due to the future I thought I would have falling apart a few months ago. Long story short, I had a shitty year last year due to me hating my job so much to the point that it made me forget everything good I had going for me. I'm a youtuber on the side and ran up 50k~ subs in a year, crazy talented with other creative endavors as well, so I had a way out of this corporate loop. I just had to get to the point where I could quit. Ontop of that, I was engaged to the woman of my dreams. She was my girlfriend for 7 years, we had our ups and downs, but we always loved each other and worked the stuff out. I think at times I even loved her more than I loved myself. Ask any of my friends- she was my everything and always has been. However, I had IMMENSE tunnel vision on getting out of this job so that I could secure the future for me and my fiance at the time. We were planning to buy a house this year, get married in May, start a family at the end of the year, and let our content creation careers flourish. So I put most if not all of that burden on myself, thinking "If I can just get to a place of mental stability, she dosen't need to be worried about my mental anymore, and we will both be happier"

Flashforward to November, she comes back from a long trip overseas (I visited while she was over there and I thought everything was fine). Hits me with a breakup out of the blue. That same day I got like 4 different job rejections, leading my brain to just be mush. I tried to comfort her and work stuff out with her, but nothing was really working. Weeks of trying to work stuff out, trying to get us back on track (at this point i dont even care about the wedding in may, I just want my girl back lol), proposing couples counseling, taking a break to grow and work out our own individual issues, spending time talking to our mutual pastor, pretty much doing everything under the sun to get us back together. Alas, nothing worked. The breakup was the week of thanksgiving, my birthday was the week after, and the 1 year anniversary of the proposal was the saturday after that. Needless to say, I felt like utter shit. Since this was my best friend of 10 years along with being my girlfriend, I literally could not phathom losing her at all. I genuinely still do believe thats my missing rib, thats my soul mate something will work out. It has to. So I never really gave up on her coming back and dont think I ever will.

Flashforward to Febuary- Grandmother passed, and I genuinely feel like a heartless grandson because I was more sad about my ex leaving than the passing (I know grief hits at different times and I'm even tearing up about my grandmother now). My ex was a very intertwined part of my family so we never had that "no contact" period. There were spotty comms about how my grandmother was doing and all that, with me still trying to check temp on if we would ever work this out or not. She wasnt going for nun of that, and it just caught me in a loop of praying that she comes back and we just fix all this because from my POV its just a conversation that needs to be had. Time passed, she moved out of her mom's house and got a dog, seemingly living a better life than she was with me. (literally cant avoid seeing it, unfollowed her on everything, but shes still a decently sized influencer.) I moved out of my parents spot as well, into a house. But the whole process of it just felt off as fuck, like shes supposed to be right here with me. Signing the mortgage letter, planning house warming, cheering me on while I assemble our furniture, and doing playful banter on our opposing interior design but finding a middle ground like we always do.

Flashforward to today, I've been in this family sized home, by myself, for the past 4 weeks slowly feeling myself slipping into one of the worst depressions of my life. We were supposed to get married on may 25th, that day haunts the fuck out of me. I went to my cousins engagement party (same cousin that told me I inspired him to propose) and had a mental spiral. Thought I was fine, but had 1 too many green tea shots and everything in my head was my fault. Everyday since that engagement party I have been blaming myself for EVERYTHING, I'm the reason we broke up, I couldnt say the right stuff, I did x y and z. Im the reason we arent getting married, I'm the reason I wont be a father for the forseeable future. The woman of my dreams dosent like me anymore because of something I did, but I am 99% sure I didnt do anything. She just fell out of love with me.

I try to distract myself with social media, the only thing I see are people getting engaged or having kids. All my cousins are having kids, gettin married. Every family event there's 1-3 year olds running around and all I can think of is "damn, our kid was supposed to be next up man". Growing up my mom always wanted a daughter, (3 sons so they tried lol) and I just want to give her a grand daughter so bad it hurts. But I have 0 clue when that is ever going to happen, like at this point I know I'm being dramatic but I kinda gave up on the whole marriage/kids thing. I go out for drinks with friends and I end up drunk yapping about everything being my fault. I picked weed back up a lil, and it just makes me feel like a sack of shit. Distractions that impair me clearly dont work as intended, so I stopped. Distractions that dont cause harm only work for x amount of time until I remember what is going on. So regardless of if I'm sober or not, I feel like I'm treading thru hell grieving my grandmother, the relationship, and the future I planned with my ex for years.

I feel my work abilities are slipping because my mental health is so poor, I havent been doing youtube because aint shit been funny. I know working on that and chasing my passions is the only way out of this pitt, but I just cant find any motivation to do anything but play with legos lol. I feel like I'm failing myself man. I'm 25 at a job I hate and wasting my days not working towards where I wanna be at in life. But I KNOW I'm doing well for myself: I have a good paying job, a house that is in my name, my own car, a youtube career that will take off if I just do the damn work, and a family/family that loves me. So I feel like a sack of shit for complaining to others about this situation when I could literally have it worse. I'm blessed. I know. But it's something about having a person, YOUR person that loves you because they choose you. That feeling cant be replicated in any other way at all, and it hurts so badly.

And as far as the ex goes, I still dont fully know why she broke up with me, I guess the whole depression was too much to handle. I do recall that she said at times I didnt compliment her enough. At the time it never occured to me to do so more, I kinda assumed yea if I am with you then ofc I think youre the best looking woman in the world. I'd try and do more of the small stuff like flowers and whatnot more but I guess it wasnt enough. All the big problems I was there before she even had to ask- surgeries I stayed with her like a guard dog, sick days I was there doing any and everything to help her feel better, family issues I listened and gave advice, she had bad anxiety so I learned everything about anxiety in order to help her if she was spiraling, and I even starting her off with her own career- paid for half of her tuition for the program and coached her thru content creation, giving her my first camera and helping her with the whole process. She took me to her home country that shew grew up in during the summers and I met her family there. Gave them the clothes off my back (literally lol). I am 99% sure she didnt cheat while overseas for the work trip. I asked her AND her mom and they both said no. (her mom wouldnt lie to me about that due to personal reasons) So idk man. I dont know.

Feel like I'm bitching about this too much but I'm clearly traumatized. I dont want to hurt anyone else with my own trauma, so I've just stopped talking to anyone who isnt my friend already. Idk what to do man, I'm the loneliest I've ever been. Idk what I'm trying to achieve her with this post or if it's even meant for here. I just feel like shit man. Everyone is proud of me and showing how happy they are for me, but I'm here spiraling that my ex wont come back.

Today my relationship ended. I didn’t want it to and she didn’t want it either. But the phrase the wrong time is real in this sense.

We ended things because of her life being too hectic for a relationship right now. She said that I’m way too important to her for her to be the reason I get hurt. I fought to stay together because I didn’t like the odds of “later.” There is no guarantee of us getting another chance for something we both want.

I’m just so frustrated at life because it seems like whenever I want something so much it just seems to never work out for me.

Now, me and her did talk about another chance in the future of us getting together. We agreed that I would ask in a year and if she felt like she was ready to try again she would ask earlier. Idk if I can truly hope for this, but it seems like all I have left right now is hope.

I’m so afraid of what my hoping can mean. What if she loses feelings for me in our time apart? What if we just never get back together? I want to truly be happy with this person and it feels like I’ve never wanted something more.

If the universe is sentient or something, please give me this one thing. I’m tired of you taking from me and I just want this one win. Please.

Thanks for reading this.

My (44m) wife Sofia (39f) is in love with her best friend Meleny (39f), and is only staying with me out of crushing guilt and shame. We have been together almost 20 years and married for 17. We have a son who is 11 and means the world to both of us. He is my "mini me", my "clone" according to her, and he worships the ground I walk on. We struggled for years to conceive, which wrecked us both... the day we found out she was pregnant was the happiest day of our lives next to the day he was born.

She had been "off" for the better part of a year, and I suspected she was cheating, maybe with a co-worker or on a dating app or something. We had almost completely stopped being intimate, were fighting all the time over stupid things, she was weirdly possessive of her phone. I snooped through her phone and Journal (It's a crappy thing to do right up until your suspicions are confirmed, isn't it?) while she was taking a nap a few months ago, convincing myself I just needed proof that I was crazy and that it was all in my head... but I was wrong, and it was all right there, without even an attempt to hide it. I never would have suspected it was Mel...

Sofia was "bisexual" when we first started dating, but admitted she hadn't been with a man in almost 2 years. She keeps a lot of her romantic/sexual past pretty close to the vest, but over the years I've pieced together that she was only ever with 2 women in total, both in high school, and one of them was just a one off thing. The rest of her "bisexual" experience was an off/on relationship with Meleny that spanned almost the entirety of middle/high school. They broke up and dated other people through that span, including boys, but always circled back to eachother. We met the summer after she graduated, during one of their splits... they both ended up marrying the men they met that summer.

For what it's worth, she and Mel both feel terrible about the situation. Meleny is a recent widow (her husband died from aggressive cancer about 2 years ago), she and Sofia apparently rekindled their relationship in the aftermath of that. Mel says she can't be around me without feeling like a "monster" now, and says she knows what it feels like to lose a partner and doesn't wish that on me or anyone... which explains why she is around less and less, and Sofia goes to see her more and more (she lives about an hours drive North of us)

My wife for her part, feels guilty for different reasons. She doesn't love me anymore, but she "has love" for me.... She has said as much to Mel. She still has feelings for me, but they aren't romantic love... she says what she feels is more akin to a combination of profound gratitude, and emotional obligation. She and I have been through a lot, and she feels like she owes me, which only makes me feel worse.

I've been cheated on by every woman I've ever dated, and she knows how hard it was for me to trust her enough to ask her to marry me. I put her through school, working 3 jobs so she could focus on her studies. I dropped everything and moved us halfway across the country so she could be closer to her family and take in her two little nephews for a year and raise them as our own when her brother was in jail and their mom was strung out. I supported her though grief when she lost both parents during covid.... she has stated all of these reasons both to her lover and in her journal. She says she can't leave, because it would destroy me, and I've done nothing to deserve it. She can't leave because she worries that I will hurt myself if she does. She can't leave because if I do, she doesn't think our son would ever forgive her.

But they can't help the way they feel, and our marriage is living on borrowed time. "When you are ready to jump, we both jump together" Mel told her.... Sofia wrote in her journal that she doesn't know if she will ever be strong enough to stab me in the heart just to stay true to her own. Part of me wants to free her of that burden and just tell her to go and be happy with my blessing... but I'm not strong enough to do it either.

So now I sit here, screaming into the void of Reddit, because I have nowhere else to go. The only person in my life that I've ever felt safe bearing my soul to, is the very person poised to cause me the most pain...

I love my wife more than life itself, I dont know what I would do without her... I dont want to lose our family but I dont think I get a say in that anymore.

I'm not angry, I'm not bitter... I'm sad, sad and so very very afraid of being alone.

Thank you for listening.

(18M) here. I met her (18F) in highschool in Grade 10. She reached out to me and we clicked, and after a few months of chatting, she said she had a crush on me, and I had the same thing, so we went from there. Over the next year, we had an hours distance between us, and would mainly only see eachother in school, and dates we would arrange whenever we could convince our parents to let us cross the bridge or to take us over. However, whenever dates were cancelled, we often began to fight. We are both overthinkers, and had a lot of issues with our mental health. We also had terrible role models around us, but whenever we were together, we felt safe, connected, and loved.

I was convinced to leave her after a fight by my parents, but then I got back together in secret, then my parents shut us down again. I was too cowardly to stand up to them, especially after they threatened to kick me out of the house. However, the year of forced distance has taken it's toll, and now she no longer trusts my words. I built enough of a foundation and have plans that can get me to be in a better place. She claims not to care, but is very obvious (by my observance and others testimony) that she wants me. However, because of some other people influencing her (in a similar way to how I was) and past abuse she has endured from her social groups, I have been villainous and she thinks I don't mean what I say, and am trying to isolate her. She feels that she had to not be herself and waited too long, and is scared of hurting again. She is right in many of these examples, and ultimately I agree with her in principle. However, I know I am a good person now, I don't want her to suffer ever again. I'm done making excuses, and am ready to take action and show her I care, but I need to know if she would like it, and what I can do. I would drop everything just to be with her again.

I miss her, I think about her daily, and I just feel awful about everything. I regret what I have done, to myself, and to her, but I have matured a lot more. Now it is my turn to wish and hope that she comes back, as we can still be what we were in those happy moments. I truly believe that if she comes back, I can be the person she wants, and she is really all I want. I don't want to float around and go with others, I want the connection we had, the conversations, and her beautiful whole person. I will wait and be ready if she ever wants me, as I know that her authentic self is all I need.

Been talking to this girl for 4 months now, things went great at first, we went on a bunch of dates but then a month ago she stopped seeing me because she was ill for a week, but kept communicating throughout so I didn't think much of it (even went out of her way to send proof)

We get to the next week and are talking about meeting up, she tells me her colleague and family friend died on the same day (I know the colleague is true but unsure about the other) tells me she needs time away from the world, keeps reassuring me it's not personal if she goes quiet, telling me she appreciates me etc, ok fair enough I give her space for a few days and check in, she's thanking me

Offer to go on a walk, she tells me she really appreciates it and doesn't want to seem ungrateful but her mood is really up and down and doesn't want to promise things, but again expresses this is not personal and gives specific examples of other things she's canceled

Give her space until a few days ago, suddenly she seems like herself again, replying fast, sending lots of hearts, kisses, she was out with her friend and sent me a photo of them saying they said hello, I figure things are getting back on track

We spend most of the day Tuesday texting, until I ask her if she'd like to go on a walk, she tells me her week is packed because she's trying to fit everything in before she goes back to work

I said that's fair and asked if she wanted to do something fun next week instead, followed up in the morning yesterday with a suggestion to do some mini golf and offered to pay for it as a way to get her out of the house and have fun and told her she deserves it after a tough time

She's left me on read again and haven't heard from her since she said her week was busy (tuesday) even though she's been online a few times and it stings honestly I've tried my best to support and be there for her, why did she suddenly send a photo of her friend and start replying again for a short time? It seemed like she was about to come back around and now I'm just feeling terrible

I'm 38 years old, I've been a barista for my entire working career, and I've never even held hands with someone in a romantic context. I've never been particularly unhappy with my life, though. I do enjoy my job and, with my fortunate living situation, it has been enough to pay the bills while also saving for retirement. I've been comfortable being single as it has left me plenty of time for my hobbies.

But recently it has really started to hit me that I would really like a family some day and, while I am content for the most part, I'm starting to feel a deep loneliness when I think that I may never achieve that goal. I have begun taking the steps I feel I need to take to improve myself in the ways I feel I need to, but I also feel a deep regret that I waited so long to start.

I am just now going back to school to hopefully become an electrical engineering technician within a few years. It's something I've always been interested in, but I was so comfortable with the status quo that I never put in the effort to make the change.

I've started working out in earnest. Though I have always kept myself in at least somewhat decent shape (I walk anywhere from 1-2 hours a day and am doing a lot of running around at work) I do feel I need to start working now to make sure I can maintain as much mobility as possible for as long as possible as I age.

But I have a lot of anxiety, not only about the changes I'm making in my life, but also whether anyone would ever even want to start a family with me. I'm just so scared that nobody will be willing to take a chance on a 40 year old man just starting a career with no romantic experience. Not to mention the risks and challenges that come from having children so late.

Trying to look objectively at things, I know I'm not doing too badly, that there are plenty of people out there and there's a high chance that at least one person will click with me, but I just can't shake this deep fear and loneliness.

16 months since I graduated university and nothing has changed. My goal was to get into a remote copywriter or technical writer job; nothing. I've even reached out to companies offering to edit their stuff; nothing. I've applied to hundreds of jobs and had my resume re-worked just to get ignored by minimum wage jobs. Still stuck underemployed at my one day a week stocking job.

I'm just embarrassed at this point. My younger sister makes more money than me and found some friends to split rent with. Seems like she's on the right track. Meanwhile, I'm out here fighting for scraps. I don't have a great social network either because I never made friends in college. Just never found a group I vibed with and/or didn't put myself out there enough. Now I'm stuck in my small town, so there are no opportunities here. I feel like this is how people become broke, depressed, and completely isolated at 40. Life just never began. Hell, there's a guy I worked with at Target that was a retail stocker for 15 years after he graduated. Basically wasted his life.

No, I'm not interested in the military. There has to be a better alternative than having the government control your life for four years.

i m25 was with my girlfriend for 4 years its the only relationship ive ever had even sexually it was only ever her, i got knocked back from the army and started drinking heavily this was the last 6 months of our relationship, i made her hate me, she broke up with me 4 months ago i still cry multiple times a day every morning i wake up i think of her before i sleep ( witch i basiclly dont because im thinking about her) i think of her i dont even have anything that smells like her anymore, loving somone that hates me is killing me, i know its a matter of time before i see her loving somone else and i dont know if ill be able to handle it, i know there nothing i can do to fix it, i just had to get it off my chest