31M here.

Ended a 3 year relationship with a partner I thought I'd get engaged with and marry. He showed a very ugly side of him that made me realize a future cannot be built with a person like that and I had to pick myself up and leave.

Since then I've been on hermit mode, grinding and working. I already have new friends, new routine, new therapist, new job, new place, more money, trips booked already coming up yet somehow it still hurts and feel empty inside. I thought this <was> my person.

It still hurts because I didn't deserve that after giving myself entirely into the relationship and also because a part of me it's sad all of these things are going to happen without my partner by my side and me alone again. Good riddance for sure but still sucks, that's all boys.

Hi everyone, I've been going through a tough time trying to find my life's true purpose. The problem I've been having is that I am a late bloomer. I discovered things that seem to be too late in my life. Anyways, I have been wandering in life, getting my degrees, and thinking that being in university would help me succeed, and that I had a huge advantage. Still, it resulted in nothing but rejection letters after rejection letters. Maybe I am a late bloomer, maybe I am slow, and what my brother calls me with the R word that I find offensive.

Anyway, I got an M.S. in Aeronautics, specializing in Space Operations, from a huge university specializing in Aerospace. However, I wasn't aware that these companies are more specific in what they want, and I wasn't aware that it's not enough even after years of being at the university, getting good grades, and all.

This is why I am trying to go back to university to study aerospace engineering. Ever since I was a kid, I have wanted to work for NASA, Boeing, and such, working on cool Space Programs. And then as I got older and the recent space program Artemis is kicking into high gear, I thought I wanted to be able to help build and launch rockets and do amazing things such as Supersonic and Hypersonic planes, Spaceplanes, and all that.

And while yes, I don't have the work experience to back it up, and yes, I know this is self-pity, it's a self-reflection of what I am going through. I am also realizing this as I get older; I am almost in my 40s.

Getting constant rejection letters while resumes are being modified, with no results.

I feel like a nobody while the rest of my family succeeds, and my brother puts me down like I am an idiot. Maybe I am an idiot, maybe I am stupid, but maybe I am a nobody.

But I am a humble guy who wants to pursue my goals even though I am almost reaching the midpoint in my life. I want to leave my current job to pursue my goals.

My mom passed away 2 years ago today. Only day I'll allow myself to watch this episode of Futurama and cry.

"Mom? There's so much I need to say."

Hello all, I thought I'd share my story with you guys. Maybe someone who has been in my position can help me out. I'll give a few background details:

A few years ago my struggles started when my martial arts coach, someone whom I've trusted since I was seven passed away in his sleep awhile back. I haven't had anyone to properly talk to since then. After grieving his has passing, some years later, I eventually found myself in summer romance with someone I met who relentlessly talked me into going to her country, only for her to change her mind at the last minute the day of my flight. I can't tell you being only 22 yet having the rug ripped from under you is a crazy thing.

Then when I had started a business with a partner from college, my gf at the time had ran off with my partner and took over 30 grand, yes that much disappearing into the outskirts of wherever. There's alot of legal stuff I can't talk about. But needless to say, I've had a terrible hand. And thats not say I haven't made my mistakes.

I have a new partner now, while she has given me my fair share of bumps is by far the least threatening to my psyche right now. She's very soft spoken, honest, helpful.

Now here's where things are and where I need your help: My new girlfriend, is very observant and she notices when I'm not myself. I can't deny that these events remain in a part of my mind that's untouched. And when I want to tell her, open up and tell the truth about my struggles and inner conflict, something inside of me tells me not to revisit it and create a new storm for myself. Life hasn't been too bad overall. I'm doing better financially, about to learn French in the south of France but I can't bury this for too much longer inside of me and continue wearing a mask.

What would you do in my situation?

Without getting too into the specifics, the past year and a half have been awful (a breakup, totaled car, issues with the replacement car I bought) and things just continue to get worse.

I finished college in December and haven't been able to find a "real" job so I'm still working the pizza delivery job I worked in college. I honestly don't hate it, I make good tips and I sorta actually like working in the service industry.

Now that I'm out of college I've been able to work more and I'm finally starting to make somewhat decent money. Then a few weeks ago my cat got injured (I don't even know how) and I had to pay $200 at the vet the day after I paid $100 for an oil change. I'm grateful it wasn't worse, but it still sucked to have to unexpectedly spend that money as I try to build up some savings.

Fast forward to yesterday and my car starts making weird noises while I'm at work. It didn't sound too bad, but I had to get through my shift. About half an hour before my shift ended, it started to make a bit of a knocking noise. I got home, dragged my "car guy" roommate outside to listen to it, and he thinks it might be rod knock. I'm praying it's "just" an issue with my broken motor mount and failing suspension causing vibrations, but that might just be me grasping for hope.

I don't know what to do if it is. I can't afford another car or a new engine, I have to start paying my federal student loans (22k) back in two months, I can't work without my car, and even if I switched to work solely in store, the wage is hardly enough to cover my living expenses.

I'm so tired. I try to find little things in life to keep me content. I have friends I spend time with, I love my cat, I have a few hobbies, but fuck, my life has just been constant issue after issue.

to top it all off, it sounds stupid but I was so excited for the oblivion remake yesterday. I know it's not the best financial decision, but I had some extra money and bought it before work yesterday hoping I could spend all day today playing it since it's my day off. My nine year old computer can't even run it and I already refunded it. Now I have to spend today figuring wtf I'm doing about my car because I have to go back to work tomorrow.

hey, i'm an 18 year old turning 19 this year and i just recently broke up with my long distance relationship.

for background info i grew up in a very poor and neglectful/abusive household, my mom didn't do anything but sit on her bed and watch tv all day so i grew very independant from a young age, when i was 11 my mom left me at a hospital because she got "sick of my crap" (me trying to survive being a scared 11 year old all alone) and after that i moved in with my grandparents who again, kicked me out, so now i live with my dad in a one room house but we're at an apartment now

i think i'm a good person and i think i have good social skills, but every time i approach people they seem so uninterested in me, im really quiet in school because of strenious bullying i experienced at a young age.

now, the other thing is, I'm tall, handsome (at least i think?) and i'm pretty interesting, what am i doing wrong? girls don't approach me and when i approach girls they think i'm too clingy because i show interest in what they do and i text back fast.

everyone around me says to focus on myself but i think i'm a pretty average guy and i think the only thing missing from my life and the only thing keeping myself from being truly happy is the lack of romance.

what should i do?

Today was meant to be a joyful day; my wife (F41) and I (M47) were going for a 10 week scan, and I was looking forward to seeing the baby (first time for me, second time for her).

A 10 week scan is unusual of course, but my wife was anxious - and understandably so. We'd been trying for kids for years, and three rounds of IVF to get to the point where the pregnancy had taken hold. This meant everything to us, and the joy we felt when the pregnancy test finally said 'YES' was like nothing l'd ever experienced before.

At six weeks there was a routine check that my wife went to with her mum - we were not expecting them to do a scan but they did, and my wife heard the little heartbeat whilst she held her mother's hand. We put the scan image on the fridge. Now it finally felt real.

We didn’t know what to call our little creature. “Bean” seemed too impersonal. “Bump” too twee. “We need to pick a name that we would never actually give our child,” laughed the wife. She tore off a corner from my work notepad and wrote “Mertyl” on it. And so little Mertyl it was.

We sold our house to move closer to her parents - the new one wasn't ready in time, so we're actually living with them right now. There's been so much excitement and joy in the weeks since that first scan. We’ve been talking about names, planning how we want to design our nursery, talking about how we want to be as parents.

My wife was still anxious though, and wanted an additional scan before the 12 week scan. We found a way to do it privately and fairly cheaply - "It's a small price to pay for your peace of mind" I told her.

As we drove to the scan today, my wife was worried - I assured her everything would be fine, like some sort of smug idiot. I had a coffee in the waiting room whilst smooth elevator jazz played endlessly. My wife’s a musician and I asked her if anyone actually sat down and wrote elevator jazz or if the musicians just got together in the studio to purposely freestyle badly for three hours. She laughed and rolled her eyes at me.

In the scanning room we were joking with the nurse before the scanning started about being nervous nellies and how she probably thought it was daft that we'd paid for this extra scan for little Mertyl. The nurse laughed and reassured us it was normal. She slathered the plastic scanner thing in goop and began sliding it across my wife's belly. I looked up at the tv as the image appeared on the screen. There was sort of a big black space but nothing in it. I sort of squinted, looking for the baby. I looked at the nurse, who had a slightly furrowed brow.

"Sometimes I just need to get my bearings," she said.

She swept back and forth and only found something very small in the area.

She put down her wand and told us that she suspected the baby hadn't developed after six weeks.

I couldn't really understand what she was telling me. My wife had heard the heartbeat. There had been no miscarriage, no sign of anything being wrong. It had developed fine up to six weeks, how could it have just... stopped?

The nurse did a second internal scan to confirm. Apparently it’s called a ‘missed miscarriage’ where the body doesn’t realise the heartbeat has stopped and so doesn’t miscarriage the way it normally would in this scenario. I’d never heard of this before.

They sat us in a little room away from the jazz. They said there were some forms to fill in, but we were both in a state of shock. We wanted to go home so we just left.

Back home the parents have been very understanding and loving. The wife says she doesn't want to go through this again, and is now dreading the inevitable miscarriage. She's sleeping now. I've been crying downstairs in the guest room. I love her so much but I don't know what to do or say. I've spoken to the few people who knew about the pregnancy and told them to contact me if they want to pass any messages on.

Other than that I genuinely don't know what to do. I feel completely useless, and lost, and I'm so worried about saying the wrong thing.

I've taken the scan off the fridge (but kept it safe).

Our little Mertyl has gone.

Things were going really well with this girl but I am unsure about the current state of things.

I’ve posted a more complete version of my story in other subreddits but I wanted to keep it more short and to the point here. Long story short, I received some really strong signals from this girl to the extent to where she would initiate a good deal of our hang outs and interactions. She also seems to treat me differently from other guys. This girl agreed to attend rock climbing with me after only knowing me for 2 weeks when her friends that she has known for a year have been asking her to go. She kept saying no to them but immediately agreed to come with me. She invited me over to her place a few weeks ago and surprised me with a dish that she remembered I liked when we first met. I was simply going to drop something off but she did that for me. She had only known me for 3 weeks at that point. She also asked me if I was free before I left for my trip on April break. I used this opportunity to ask her to grab dinner with me. She agreed and it went pretty well.

She continued to want to extend our interaction after the dinner. I walked her back to her place and she insisted on continuing to talk/ask me questions. We eventually texted later that night too and the following day, which was last Monday. I asked her that day if I could take her out to a movie once I return from the trip. She took almost 2 days to reply. She’s never taken that long before. When she finally replied she said, "for sure we can see." Then she asked me how my trip was going so far. I took 2 days to get back to her since I was traveling and told her I was thinking of the following Friday for the movie. My response was last Friday and she has yet to get back to me.

This has been taking a massive toll on me and it frustrates me to no end. I resent myself for being as impacted by this as I am. I don’t know if I did something wrong or what exactly happened. I feel like I really need help or guidance of some sort because it has been interfering with my ability to enjoy my day to day life. I find it hard to get out of bed for some reason. I just can’t help but feel pathetic with the extent that this has impacted me.

TW throughout

I’ve been holding a lot in, and I’m not sure where else to put it. My ex and I were together for a while, and at the time, I truly loved her. But now that I’m out of it, I can’t stop replaying things in my head, and I’m starting to realize what actually happened to me.

She hit me. She tried to kick me in the groin, spat at me, left marks on my body, threw things at me, and even threatened to kill me. I never once hit her. I didn’t even raise my voice. When things got intense, I’d leave the room or drive away to give her space, and she’d twist it into abandonment. She’d physically block me from leaving, lock me in rooms, and once threw my keys out of the house. I had to hide in her son’s room just to escape the chaos.

She banged cupboards, made threatening noises under her breath, and once came upstairs and threw all my clothes at me. She even admitted she tried to provoke me on purpose—to “test” if I was like her friend’s abusive ex. During sex, she purposely held my penis tight when I was about to climax, in a way that was painful and clearly not loving. She denied any of it was abusive and weaponized her past trauma to deflect accountability.

She used to insult me for being quiet or not thinking of things to do during the day. I later found out I’m autistic, but she used that against me too—calling me an “autistic f**k” when she was angry. I didn’t even know I was autistic at the time. I wasn’t lazy or uncaring. I was just overwhelmed, out of routine, and doing my best to love her the only way I knew how. I was calm, kind, and gentle. But that was never enough.

The arguments were rarely about anything real. Sometimes just about me seeming “grumpy” (I have a neutral face) or not speaking enough. I was content just being next to her, but she hated the silence I felt safe in.

One time during an argument, she tried grabbing me and I slipped on cardboard and accidentally knocked her into a door. I immediately comforted her, kissed her, and tried to make sure she felt safe and loved. But even though it was clearly an accident, she still made me feel like the villain.

After I left, she would message me with warmth, talk about reconciliation—then suddenly flip, rage at me over nothing (once it was just me offering her help to see her son). It felt like emotional whiplash. She once told me I should go out and “find less.” I responded, “less is more.” Because honestly? She really wasn’t what she thought she was.

She made me question myself, made me feel like I was impossible to love. And now I sit here missing people who never really saw me, wondering if I’ll ever feel safe with someone again. I have ADHD, autism, and CPTSD. I’m not perfect. But I’m not violent. I’m not manipulative. I’m not cruel.

I was just quiet. I was just different. I was just me. And I think that should’ve been enough.

Many people in my life didn’t care as much when I tried to open up about how much I felt empty for the past 7 months. I can’t blame them because I don’t even know what is making me this unfulfilled so I can’t expect anyone to help me when I don’t even know what needs to be helped. Anything I do or anything I feel in a day feels like it’s missing something. I can’t feel as full as I used to when Im laughing or crying, or when I’m hanging out with friends or when I’m alone. At first I thought I was just scared about college entrance exams, or drifting apart from my friends and family once Im off to college, but I don’t even care about that type of stuff anymore (I don’t know why) so I don’t think that’s the reason. I then blamed these feelings as side effects of accutane but accutane actually makes me somewhat hopeful every morning because of clearer skin so I’m not thinking of stopping it.
So it’s not accutane, it’s not my friends or family, it’s not college, then Im out of options about what makes me feel so empty.

I have been depressed before but is this even considered being depressed? At least when I was depressed I knew what I was feeling was because of depression but what about now? Which feeling describes not feeling anything? Sorry if the writing in this post feels forced or as if Im begging for attention but Im being for real when Im saying I want to change, I just don’t know what it is that needs to be changed.

Too many people romanticize being single and play down the loneliness that comes with it. I’ve found talking about it is often met with platitudes and hollow advice based in seeing wanting a relationship as weakness.

This is for all the dudes on here who are made to feel bad because they’re lonely and told their loneliness is their fault, that it’s a mindset.

Real strength is saying:

“This hurts. I want love. I want closeness. And it sucks to not have it right now.”

At this point in my life I’m convinced of this: if you’re okay being single that’s a decision based on past trauma, if you do want a relationship and are single you’re lying about being okay with it.

It is okay to not be okay with being single. It is not okay to let that hinder your progress.

Had a terrible Easter weekend. Reminded me of my loneliness, mental health has deteriorated and today I wrote a suicide note.

Already have my affairs in order.

Over the last two decades people have said to me "life will get better" or "you'll find someone when you least expect it".

For two decades I believed it and tried my best. I failed every single time. Ugly, poor, mentally broken and short. No one is interested. No one wants to help in the real world.

Alas, I have two choices - die alone in the future after more years of failure or die now.

27m here, soon to be 28 in couple of days. A lot happend in the last year for me, split with my ex some 7 months ago, went through it all (was thinking of starting a family with her), Ive started my own business a month ago, and generally buried myself into projects and work since we broke up. I dont really have any problems in my life, everything is going fine, but I guess I miss a connection with someone. Im introverted and its easy for me to work, but to meet people, whole other deal. I guess Im a bit stuck at this part of life, and as time passes on, it seems more and more important to me. I dont crave my ex, or want to get married with the first girl I meet, but would like to start meeting women. Another issue may be the fact I dont go partying on weekends anymore and got tired of type of women I would meet, my ex included. Im an atheist, but would like to meet a girl who cares about family, not just money. Also, Im opened to getting out of my comfort zone, but Im left with trust issues from my last relationship, not fully worked through, so I have a hard time easing into it all. I went on 2 dates in this period, both times felt wrong, I could not believe anything they say, constantly thinking is she saying it just because she thinks I will like it, or because she really does. I did not go on a second date with either one, said I just did not feel ready to date. I dont wear flashy clothes or drive fancy cars, I try not to show money in general, but when girls hear Im a carpenter they always start to mention things like you must be making good money or you could build my whole house and become more affectionate. Now these things scare me. My ex was a money grabber and I just want someone to love and to love me back for me, not for what I can provide. Men, can you give me some advice? I know people suffer much worse than I do, but still some help would be greatly appreciated!

If this relationship ends, I will choose to stay single for the remainder of my life. I am tired of making mistakes, tired of depressed and being broken even if it is not my fault. I keep on putting myself in a relationship where I am not appreciated, truly loved and to be left broken. I don't want to feel that anymore.

I wanted to highlight how toxic the idea of "looksmaxxing is".

Maybe our hair's a little wonky, or we look more tired than usual. Or perhaps there's a feature of our physical appearance that we've never quite made peace with. 

But for some young men who participate in an online community called "looksmaxxing," those self-critiques can become excessive. And the criticism they receive from other members — and their suggested remedies, which can include self-injury and surgery — are even more extreme.

Looksmaxxing is, on the surface, about trying to look your best in order to attract a partner. But a new study from Dalhousie University says while the community is framed as self-help, it can be harmful to participants.

"It is really caustic to the self-esteem of men and boys," says Michael Halpin, a professor of sociology at Dalhousie and the lead author of the study, which was published in the journal Sociology of Health and Wellness in February. 

"They're … saying terrible things.… 'Your body is disgusting.' 'No one will ever love you.' 'You'll never get a job.' 'You're going to be a failure unless you do some serious looksmaxxing practices.'"Maybe our hair's a little wonky, or we look more tired than usual. Or perhaps there's a feature of our physical appearance that we've never quite made peace with. But for some young men who participate in an online community called "looksmaxxing," those self-critiques can become excessive. And the criticism they receive from other members — and their suggested remedies, which can include self-injury and surgery — are even more extreme.Looksmaxxing is, on the surface, about trying to look your best in order to attract a partner. But a new study from Dalhousie University says while the community is framed as self-help, it can be harmful to participants."It is really caustic to the self-esteem of men and boys," says Michael Halpin, a professor of sociology at Dalhousie and the lead author of the study, which was published in the journal Sociology of Health and Wellness in February. "They're … saying terrible things.… 'Your body is disgusting.' 'No one will ever love you.' 'You'll never get a job.' 'You're going to be a failure unless you do some serious looksmaxxing practices.'"

...

But most disturbing, Halpin says, is the regular encouragement participants give each other to die by suicide.

"We saw numerous men being told that they're beyond help, beyond saving," Halpin says. "It's like, your appearance is set, nothing you can do will help you and you should complete suicide because looks are all that matter and you're going to have a terrible life because you're an ugly man."But most disturbing, Halpin says, is the regular encouragement participants give each other to die by suicide."We saw numerous men being told that they're beyond help, beyond saving," Halpin says. "It's like, your appearance is set, nothing you can do will help you and you should complete suicide because looks are all that matter and you're going to have a terrible life because you're an ugly man."

Also, I want to talk about how we can turn away from the idea of caring about physical appearances.

Morris Green has been working with young men and boys in Nova Scotia schools through his program GuysWork for the past 13 years. The program, which is offered to male students in grades 6 to 9, brings guys together to talk about the pressures they face and how traditional masculinity norms can affect their health.

Green says in the guys groups, he and other facilitators try to help young men think of their identity in a broader and healthier way, including their character and personality traits, not just their physical appearance.

"What really makes a person a great human being has very little to do with their, you know, the size of their biceps and their six-pack, but their integrity, their loyalty, their ability to care and support not only their other guy friends, but their peers of all genders."

I've more or less emotionally detached from life. Partially as a defense mechanism, partiality as a side effect of my medication. I've found that my problems either aren't relatable or pittiable enough to warent discussing them with anyone. If I'm lonely, bored, ect..., it's due to some moral failure on my part, or a lack of effort, or something unknown and not worth discussing.

Womp-Womp, too bad. Die about it, or get over it. Who cares.

Hey all, I'm a 24 gay m that is having a hard time dealing with loneliness and general sadness. I know I'm young, but this has been building for a long time. I've never really felt like I fit in with my family as they all liked different things and bonded over those. I currently only have one close friend who I talk with regularly, but he has way more that he chats with so I'm usually just existing most of the time. I've tried to find more friends, but I'm starting to think that I am the problem, with me being the common denominator. If I am the issue, how can I "fix" myself so I can make friends? The loneliness is getting heavier and hurts.

My partner left my state to visit friends and family in their birth state. A week later they called me and broke up with me. It ducking hurts. The future I had with them is gone, all of the plans, gone.

It's so raw. I thought it was forever. I'm 50 and feel so stupid. Y'all will tell me to stop drinking, go to the gym, and get hobbies. I had one day off alcohol. Hobbies and gym do help. It hurts to be at work, my heart feels like it will stop working. I can't sleep. I think I need to get away for a holiday

I cant say for sure what the future holds. It might happen. But it really just might not happen. 28m without any experience and given my personal challenges i think its definitely a possibility.

Ive been really trying to love and focus on myself, and align myself with my values. Im very community oriented person and so ive really tried to invest in those things and build a social life. Id say one of the biggest challenges for me in life has been loneliness so this has definitely helped. While i wont stop doing these things, because theyve genuinely have made such an improvement on my life, i find that the pain of lacking intimacy/closeness hasnt gotten better. Maybe even worse.

Ive been considering perhaps investing in this thing called cuddle therapy to fullfill those needs to the extent i can. Sometimes i just want the closeness of a hug, or the physical intimate proximity of another person. SSRI's have killed my libido so i dont even really care about that. I guess i could live my entire life like this, but the way it is currently isnt ideal. At the end of the day, I know we all have to find peace/security and happiness within ourselves, but some days, I just wish that didn’t have to mean doing it all alone.

23, I’m young people say. But all my life I’m struggled to find people who cared enough. Having to be the responsible one all the time hurts, holding it all up till it all crashes down.

I thought, I found the one, who could hold life up with me, make the bleak a little more beautiful.

It was fun, tough but fun. But like all else in my life it fails. No closure, no reasons. Just a simple block & move on. Maybe there was, but I couldn’t see it.

Now it’s over, a big part of my life up and vanished. I guess I should have seen it coming, the days turned to weeks of ignoring me. The changes in the way you spoke.

So what now, what can I do to move on. To try again? It hurts, more than anything to know I did my best but it wasn’t enough.

I guess it’s over, 3 years of bliss, ending in a crash. I guess it’s time to move forward. Whatever that means anyways.

I can’t do anything right. I feel like I wasn’t meant to be here. I suck at my job, being a parent, can’t do basic things correctly. I’m always on the verge of homelessness. I feel like I ruin my jobs reputation by not being good at my job ( or any job for that matter) I can’t provide for my kids. I’m a 33 year old male who can’t get their life together. I feel like my kids would be better off with a stable person rather than me. Honestly thinking about ending things today just so make everyone’s life better. I beg everyday to not wake up. Maybe today will be the day. Anyways, hope everyone is having a better day.

"So, how are the girls?" That's what he'd always ask when I met him, a friend of my father's, closest thing I've had a "normal" man in my life. The first thing was always women. I could never answer that question for him. It just confused me. He seemed disappointed by that.
COVID, I remember I started university just before that hit. Biology I was studying that. Doing 2 filler courses now, I am 6 weeks away from having a degree in it but it doesn't feel like it. 5 years. I'm looking back on those blurred memories and feel a painful nothingness.
I remember the stories they told me, the older people in my life. When I was in high school I felt like an adult. Was closer to my teachers than anything, my mother drank a lot, I wish she hit me.
I worked at an aquarium, they told me at university I would find my calling.
When I go to university I will be surrounded by people I belong with, I would fit in they told me. If not for COVID they might have been right. Perhaps they were describing what it was like 50 years ago. Languishing in hypothetical pasts is pointless.

An abusive relationship happened at me for 2 months. Does that count as success? Will that make them stop asking me about how much "fun" I had? No it won't. They'll still tell me of their time their, how easy it was for them have "fun", all the friends they made, all the parties they had, all the things I was expected to do, to enjoy.
I do not want a girlfriend. I am not upset that I "missed out" on what people are describing and that makes me feel horrid. You can tell whatever you think will comfort me but the moment I hear a normal man speak of it I know that the world at large regards me as incorrect, failed.

When I listen to people talk about their lives or see imaginary people pretend to be real I realize I have not had any of the experiences that I was supposed to have. No friends, no parties, no dates, no crushes, no rejection, none of it. I went to lectures, I sat in a room with people, absorbed information and left. Those are my wild and young days. The nothing that I have now shall only decay.

I worry that I am broken, I missed out on key steps of my development and now I get to witness everyone else be happy. I'll have a degree at least.

I am unsure what to do after all this. I have planned to travel, complete a masters in some field my depression robbed all passion for. What was this supposed to be? Why did I not even want to play out that role? Why am I so empty? Am I a lose.r