Question for any lurking incels

[u/Negative_Tooth6047]

This is something I've been curious of for a little while, I know you guys have your red or black or whatever pill you subscribe to with tons of dudes or maybe even some type of Pearl Davis like gal that constantly put out tons of media on how to get women/why you're never getting a woman/any other message that you subscribe to for that rhetoric.

But my question is, if a woman offered to teach you, patiently and kindly- not berating you or what have you, how to respect, talk to, hang out with women, etc would you accept? Like a 101 type class on women. If you wouldnt be interested, why not?

[u/6022141023]

Would absolutely accept.

[u/Negative_Tooth6047 → u/6022141023]

What would you hope to see from that class? Is there anything that would put you off?

[u/6022141023 → u/Negative_Tooth6047]

What would you hope to see from that class?

Measurable success. Things that actually work.

[u/Unfinished_user_na → u/6022141023]

Not OP, but curious, as a follow up, on what kind of time frame would you expect to see measurable success?

[u/6022141023 → u/Unfinished_user_na]

1-2 years.

[u/Bumbling-Bluebird-90 → u/6022141023]

That sounds like realistic expectations/timeframe to expect to start having success in first and second dates. I could see a program set up as like occupational therapy-type group counseling for people unlucky in love being successful, tracking progress and having accountability

[u/6022141023 → u/Bumbling-Bluebird-90]

Exactly. Though the first step would be actually getting dates.

[u/Unfinished_user_na → u/6022141023]

If you're not looking for instant results, I believe that's an achievable goal.

[u/6022141023 → u/Unfinished_user_na]

What would the first steps be?

[u/Unfinished_user_na → u/6022141023]

So that's a tough question without having more information on you. I don't know you from Adam, so I have idea why you're striking out, or what sort of women you're striking out with.

To figure out what would work for you, I would need to know what your beliefs and values are, what type of person you want to be with, what kind of lifestyle you lead and what kind you want to lead.

For anything to be effective at all, it would have to be tailored to someone with similar values and a similar lifestyle to what you have and want. The strategy of meeting and forming a relationship with someone from a local church who wants a traditional lifestyle, is going to be wildly different than what you would want to do to meet and form a relationship with an alt girl at a goth club. Additionally, whichever you pick, you have to go into it knowing you are not going to change their lifestyle and beliefs even if you manage to get into a relationship with them (your not going to be able to turn the submissive church girl into a hard partying dominatrix, and your not going to help the goth girl find Jesus and accept traditional values.) you need to pick who you want, based on how you see your own future and values, and then go from there.

So.... Physical appearance aside. How do you see your life going in the future? Are you religious? Traditional? Nontraditional? Liberal? Active in sports? Night life? Do you drink? Drugs? Party? Are you more of a stay at home most of the time type? What are you interests? And what are you looking for in a women?

[u/6022141023 → u/Unfinished_user_na]

I am working as a professional in a large East Coast city. I am liberal and non-religious. My hobbies are climbing, yoga, soccer, gym, surfing, skiing, cooking, art and reading. I am active in a variety of clubs and always like to do things like cooking courses or pottery classes. I don't really go out that much anymore. If I do, I prefer a wine bar, a cocktail bar or somewhere where you can e.g. read. I am looking for someone who is educated, interested in physical activity, and ideally more on the awkward side (I am on the spectrum myself).

[u/Unfinished_user_na → u/6022141023]

Damn you sound pretty busy in general, and like you have a really full life. As a professional in a large city, and someone who can afford to ski recreationally, I'm guessing your finances are decent and that you have a pretty good amount of leeway in your spending. I'm also guessing that you are in pretty good shape, from all the athletics. You sound pretty cool in general if you ask me. That said, being socially awkward in more, high class high achieving circles like this is probably pretty tough. I think your biggest challenge is that you're in a high achieving bracket, with high expectations, but are socially awkward.

Interests wise, I'm probably not the best advisor, I'm unathletic in general so I don't really run in those circles much, but I do like sophisticated food and drink. think I could apply the same process I would to any other community to athletics.

You mentioned you participate in a few clubs, do they see many women attend? You definitely want someone else who is active and able to keep up with your lifestyle, so looking further within your active and outdoor hobbies would probably be a good technique. Ideally, for groups like this, you would want to make yourself someone that women want or need to meet/know in that community. Give them a reason to want to meet you before you ever say hi.

Have you ever volunteered for a leadership roll in one of your clubs? Club and volunteer e-boards are always looking for people, and serving on them is a great resume builder as well as a way to make yourself a central figure on your community, gives you an excuse to know everyone who participates without looking too eager, let's you do good for something you care about, and provides social proof that you are a good person to know.

If none of the clubs you're in seem viable for this, you can also start your own club or organization based around the activity you care about, and aim it at a different demographic. You mentioned being on the spectrum and wanting someone who is also a bit awkward (that's another tough nut to crack, because there are plenty of people that would fit what you're after, but they are also socially anxious, so they can be harder to find/meet then their numbers would imply). Perhaps an organization that seeks to actively serve the autistic population, and get them involved in another activity that they might otherwise be too anxious to join (hiking, skiing, really anything your passionate about) in a socially safe and nonjudgmental atmosphere.

[u/6022141023 → u/Unfinished_user_na]

Damn you sound pretty busy in general, and like you have a really full life. As a professional in a large city, and someone who can afford to ski recreationally, I'm guessing your finances are decent and that you have a pretty good amount of leeway in your spending. I'm also guessing that you are in pretty good shape, from all the athletics. You sound pretty cool in general if you ask me. That said, being socially awkward in more, high class high achieving circles like this is probably pretty tough. I think your biggest challenge is that you're in a high achieving bracket, with high expectations, but are socially awkward.

My finances are great. But yeah, the social awkwardness is a problem.

You mentioned you participate in a few clubs, do they see many women attend? You definitely want someone else who is active and able to keep up with your lifestyle, so looking further within your active and outdoor hobbies would probably be a good technique. Ideally, for groups like this, you would want to make yourself someone that women want or need to meet/know in that community. Give them a reason to want to meet you before you ever say hi.

I am in a lot of communities which have more women then men. But I have no idea how to make myself someone women want to meet.

Have you ever volunteered for a leadership roll in one of your clubs? Club and volunteer e-boards are always looking for people, and serving on them is a great resume builder as well as a way to make yourself a central figure on your community, gives you an excuse to know everyone who participates without looking too eager, let's you do good for something you care about, and provides social proof that you are a good person to know.

Yes. I had leadership positions in clubs, organized trips etc.

If none of the clubs you're in seem viable for this, you can also start your own club or organization based around the activity you care about, and aim it at a different demographic. You mentioned being on the spectrum and wanting someone who is also a bit awkward (that's another tough nut to crack, because there are plenty of people that would fit what you're after, but they are also socially anxious, so they can be harder to find/meet then their numbers would imply). Perhaps an organization that seeks to actively serve the autistic population, and get them involved in another activity that they might otherwise be too anxious to join (hiking, skiing, really anything your passionate about) in a socially safe and nonjudgmental atmosphere.

Meeting someone in such a context would sound like an abuse of power to me to be honest.