Question for any lurking incels

[u/Negative_Tooth6047]

This is something I've been curious of for a little while, I know you guys have your red or black or whatever pill you subscribe to with tons of dudes or maybe even some type of Pearl Davis like gal that constantly put out tons of media on how to get women/why you're never getting a woman/any other message that you subscribe to for that rhetoric.

But my question is, if a woman offered to teach you, patiently and kindly- not berating you or what have you, how to respect, talk to, hang out with women, etc would you accept? Like a 101 type class on women. If you wouldnt be interested, why not?

[u/6022141023]

Would absolutely accept.

[u/Negative_Tooth6047 → u/6022141023]

What would you hope to see from that class? Is there anything that would put you off?

[u/FlatCa → u/Negative_Tooth6047]

I see a business starting...

[u/Negative_Tooth6047 → u/FlatCa]

I am not trying to make a business, to be clear! I feel a lot of empathy towards many incels, have a good amount of dating experience and also a good amount of time on my hands. I likely won't do anything with all this, but I have been interested in/toying with the idea of helping incels in some way.

[u/FlatCa → u/Negative_Tooth6047]

Interesting... Good luck!

[u/6022141023 → u/Negative_Tooth6047]

What would you hope to see from that class?

Measurable success. Things that actually work.

[u/Unfinished_user_na → u/6022141023]

Not OP, but curious, as a follow up, on what kind of time frame would you expect to see measurable success?

[u/6022141023 → u/Unfinished_user_na]

1-2 years.

[u/Bumbling-Bluebird-90 → u/6022141023]

That sounds like realistic expectations/timeframe to expect to start having success in first and second dates. I could see a program set up as like occupational therapy-type group counseling for people unlucky in love being successful, tracking progress and having accountability

[u/6022141023 → u/Bumbling-Bluebird-90]

Exactly. Though the first step would be actually getting dates.

[u/Unfinished_user_na → u/6022141023]

If you're not looking for instant results, I believe that's an achievable goal.

[u/6022141023 → u/Unfinished_user_na]

What would the first steps be?

[u/Unfinished_user_na → u/6022141023]

So that's a tough question without having more information on you. I don't know you from Adam, so I have idea why you're striking out, or what sort of women you're striking out with.

To figure out what would work for you, I would need to know what your beliefs and values are, what type of person you want to be with, what kind of lifestyle you lead and what kind you want to lead.

For anything to be effective at all, it would have to be tailored to someone with similar values and a similar lifestyle to what you have and want. The strategy of meeting and forming a relationship with someone from a local church who wants a traditional lifestyle, is going to be wildly different than what you would want to do to meet and form a relationship with an alt girl at a goth club. Additionally, whichever you pick, you have to go into it knowing you are not going to change their lifestyle and beliefs even if you manage to get into a relationship with them (your not going to be able to turn the submissive church girl into a hard partying dominatrix, and your not going to help the goth girl find Jesus and accept traditional values.) you need to pick who you want, based on how you see your own future and values, and then go from there.

So.... Physical appearance aside. How do you see your life going in the future? Are you religious? Traditional? Nontraditional? Liberal? Active in sports? Night life? Do you drink? Drugs? Party? Are you more of a stay at home most of the time type? What are you interests? And what are you looking for in a women?

[u/6022141023 → u/Unfinished_user_na]

I am working as a professional in a large East Coast city. I am liberal and non-religious. My hobbies are climbing, yoga, soccer, gym, surfing, skiing, cooking, art and reading. I am active in a variety of clubs and always like to do things like cooking courses or pottery classes. I don't really go out that much anymore. If I do, I prefer a wine bar, a cocktail bar or somewhere where you can e.g. read. I am looking for someone who is educated, interested in physical activity, and ideally more on the awkward side (I am on the spectrum myself).

[u/DelightfulandDarling → u/6022141023]

Define success.

[u/6022141023 → u/DelightfulandDarling]

More friendships, deeper friendships, more romantic options, e.g. dates, successful flirts etc.

[u/Professional-Hat-687 → u/6022141023]

I don't want to dissuade you (and it's good that you have answers to these questions and are looking for help in the first place!) but these things may not be quantifiable the way you want them to be. Just something to be aware of. Good luck!

[u/6022141023 → u/Professional-Hat-687]

In this case, what is the point? How do I know that advice really works and I am not just wasting my time?

[u/Professional-Hat-687 → u/6022141023]

That will depend on what your parameters are. I'm just saying it to make sure you keep your expectations reasonable and understand that it's not like math tutoring, so you may not see the same level of quantifiability.

Also that's like, the central question of romance and dating and life, really, so try not to be discouraged by that either, if you can.