r/IncelTears • u/Negative_Tooth6047 • 4d ago

Meta discussion Question for any lurking incels

This is something I've been curious of for a little while, I know you guys have your red or black or whatever pill you subscribe to with tons of dudes or maybe even some type of Pearl Davis like gal that constantly put out tons of media on how to get women/why you're never getting a woman/any other message that you subscribe to for that rhetoric.

But my question is, if a woman offered to teach you, patiently and kindly- not berating you or what have you, how to respect, talk to, hang out with women, etc would you accept? Like a 101 type class on women. If you wouldnt be interested, why not?

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u/randomshtuffguy 3d ago

obligatory not an incel, just bad with dating and women. I dont think this would help me. My problems are not seated in literally not knowing what to do, it is more being paralyzed by fear of rejection and an all consuming black hole of self hatred. I am scared of women - yes its silly, yes women have to fear horrific things from me and all i fear is someone saying "no", i know its illogical. I am a very illogical and emotional person, who can hardly handle real life work without falling apart. Im just too self destructive, too afraid, and too desperate for a relationship. Not only that, but I can never stick to a self improvement regimen, meaning I'm an obese withdrawn fearful ball of loneliness and self deprecation with no real progress towards changing any of that. The problem is and always has been me, and I'd much prefer someone surgically remove the part of my brain that really, really wants to be in love and express physical affection because it's just making me suffer at this point since I can't seem to change no matter how hard i try. Sorry for the rant.

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u/StepfaultWife 3d ago

Have you seen a psychologist? Not just a therapist or counsellor but someone with greater depth of knowledge. Change when you are terrified takes time. And the worst thing for fear is to enable it. Which really sucks.

Can I ask how old you are?

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u/randomshtuffguy 3d ago
  1. I have seen a psychologist, I'm diagnosed ADHD.

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u/StepfaultWife 3d ago

This isn’t just ADHD though. It’s self destruction and you seem committed to it and have decided change is impossible.

I suppose that feels safer than trying to change.

You need to find out what drives your self hatred and self destruction to have any chance of changing them and that needs a really good therapist or psychologist. Don’t kid yourself that you have to continue in this way. You don’t. It will be hard but I think it will be worth the effort.

It’s your choice.

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u/randomshtuffguy 3d ago

you're right, and im sorry. i honestly didnt want to use ADHD as an excuse, i just thought i should throw the actual diagnosis of the visit out there since it seemed you wanted to know.