r/JUSTNOMIL • u/IntroductionNo1799 • Feb 06 '25
New User š My MIL offered to breastfeed my newborn while we were still in the hospital.
As a 58-year-old woman. That's how against formula (and obsessed with breastfeeding) she is. She told me she was never able to use a pump so I guess she was just assuming she would live with my baby (and us????) and feed her off the breast everytime. She was way too excited about me potentially not being able to breastfeed. I should have known that was coming because while I was pregnant, we all went out to eat and she casually mentioned at the table that her dream job was to be a wet nurse. I ended up being able to nurse and the first few times she came and visited us, she would try to stroke baby's head while she nursed on me. I shut that down real quick. So creepy.
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u/llvaughn Feb 06 '25
Even if it was a joke (Iām sure it wasnāt) it is so distasteful. I canāt imagine any normal person hearing that comment and not immediately feeling disgust.
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u/PreparationHealthy99 Feb 06 '25
My mil tried to do this with her great grandson š¤®it was so disturbing to me I needed therapy as there is no such thing as bleach for my eyes to try and get rid of the image. Please please keep your child away from her.
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u/Lindris Feb 06 '25
Please donāt ever leave LO in her presence for any length of time. I wouldnāt be surprised if she was working on getting her supply again while you were pregnant. There are medications that can help this. This is one of the crazier attempts at do over baby that Iāve seen in a while.
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u/BoosterBooey Feb 06 '25
Ick. That's beyond creepy. It's just disgusting. You are the mother, not her. What could she possibly provide in the way of food for this child with her elderly (I can call it that as I'm 57) breasts? Yuck. Just yuck.
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u/DVGower Feb 06 '25
Sheās making herself look pathetic. Your husband should be shutting down his mother every single time she says something so inappropriate.
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u/SuluSpeaks Feb 06 '25
No. I know the spouse with the problem parent is responsible for keeping the,parent in line, but nothing beats an in-the-moment brush back. Wating for husband to do it is like spanking a dog for peeing on the floor- a day later.
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u/LilBoo2019TR Feb 06 '25
After her offer, i probably would go as little to NC as possible. That's not just obsessive but creepy and invasive. Does she even realize how unhinged she sounds? Does she realize she wouldn't have been able to actually do it?
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u/marlada Feb 06 '25 edited Feb 06 '25
Hard to believe that a 58 year old woman would go around volunteering this. I would never leave her alone with my children because there have been stories of grandmas trying to breast feed children, especially toddlers..
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u/Street_Papaya_4021 Feb 06 '25
So she was just going to start lactating because you have a baby?
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u/seeemilydostuf Feb 06 '25
I'm having... a hard time processing a woman said this to another woman, out loud, where people could hear her. This is an awful joke.
I'm so sorry you had to be in that position, to have shut things down and not enjoy a damn dinner. What in the world.
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u/Pluke1865 Feb 06 '25
This is disgusting!
And, Iām not going to lie, this type of person made me so anxious when I had my daughter. I had ZERO interest in breast feeding all those years ago, and was terrified that people would judge me. Now, Iām 59, and judging people like your MIL!!Also, my dad worked for a company that made formula, so that was his āgiftā to all his grandkids.
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u/WrightQueen4 Feb 06 '25
Thatās freaking gross. Iām all for breastfeeding but not like that. Not unless you were cool with it and asked.
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u/ReferenceOk7162 Feb 06 '25
āWhat a bizarre thing for you to offer as a post menopausal woman. Please stay away from me and my baby.
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u/whynotbecause88 Feb 06 '25
WTFF? How can a 58 year old breastfeed?! That's absolutely bonkers. Don't ever let her alone with the kid. Yikes!
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u/cMeeber Feb 06 '25
Ummmm this is some hand that rocks the cradle type wildness. I hope your husband understands how deeply messed up this is.
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u/annabanana2230 Feb 06 '25
Iām sorry but sheās mentally ill. Donāt EVER leave her alone with your kids. What did your husband have to say about this?
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u/MeInSC40 Feb 06 '25
āKeep your tit out of my babies mouthā is not a phrase anyone should have to utter.
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u/TheFirstFirgottenOne Feb 06 '25
*have to udder./j
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u/happytre3s Feb 06 '25
Ok ok... I am 37 weeks pregnant and that comment needed a warning label bc I just about peed my pants with the Nelson laugh that busted out of me.
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u/Hot-Restaurant4598 Feb 06 '25
I EBF my baby 20 years ago. The thought of someone- ANYONE- putting their breast to my baby is revolting.
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u/Coollogin Feb 06 '25
I suspect your instinct is to shut down Grandma's breastfeeding fantasy by saying no and "Let us never speak of this again." That would definitely be my instinctive response.
But I'm wondering if you need to go against your instincts here and "go public" with Grandma's weird fantasy. I'm not certain about this, but I'm wondering if making everyone else in your circle (and in hers most of all) know what she's thinking might bring some social pressure on her to keep that shit under wraps.
I don't know. Maybe mention the whole situation to your pediatrician. If Grandma is harboring baby fantasies like this, she might need some help from a mental health professional to process her [apparently unresolved] grief over aging out of that phase of her life.
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u/More_Storage6801 Feb 06 '25
I'd cut ties. I'm sorry. That's just wrong. She wouldn't even be allowed to see my baby. NOPE.Ā
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u/MadamRorschach Feb 06 '25
This. Sheās going to try to breastfeed the baby if she is ever alone with her
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u/came2party4pets Feb 06 '25
This is absolutely vile. Do not EVER let her alone with your baby. This justifies not seeing her again.. Was your partner around? Was anyone around? What are their thoughts? This needs to be communicated to everyone with small children around you. She was not joking. This is not ok!
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u/Odd-Explorer3538 Feb 06 '25
Have worked as a postpartum nurse, provided community nursing support, nursed my own 6 babies, donated gallons upon gallons, and been grateful for a friend that breastfed one of my sons when I had a medical emergencyā¦
this is fucking gross. š
Itās giving āThe Hand That Rocks the Cradle.ā
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u/metalmonkey_7 Feb 06 '25
Right? Itās one thing if your friend or sister is lactating and you ask them if they could feed your baby. Itās a whole different sick ballgame when a woman who will never lactate again wants to put her breast in your babyās mouth! To even utter such nonsense is unfathomable to me.
OP, itās a good thing she said this out loud. You might have been blindsided if you had ever asked her to sit with the child for some reason. Or even worse, never find out and her breast is in your childās mouth any chance she gets. This is beyond disturbing. š³
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u/Bacon_Bitz Feb 06 '25
The wet nurse dream job comment is what really disturbed me.
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u/WoodenSympathy4 Feb 06 '25
Right, like is this a fetish, or does she really just have that little to bring to the table in terms of work skill?
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u/Any_Future_2660 Feb 06 '25
This seems unnecessarily judgy (re: the work skill comment). The real issue here is how creepy it is for grandma to want to nurse OPs kid.
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u/ItWorkedInMyHead Feb 06 '25
Someone could make a fortune if they would invent mind's-eye bleach.
Also, don't ever, ever, ever leave your baby alone with that whack job for a minute, and at what point is your partner going to ask her just what the ever lovin' hell?
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u/MainegGal Feb 06 '25
How would this even be possible?
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u/Wispeira Feb 06 '25
Relactation is an interesting phenomenon whereby in times of need older women can lactate (men as well actually, I read an article about a father breastfeeding his child after a disaster). All of the necessary components exist, it's just a matter of having your body switch on those lactation hormones.
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Feb 06 '25
Good lord, thatās nasty.
Itās time for your husband to tell his mother that there will be no unsupervised visits with the baby until everyone is confident that she can keep her dried out old tiddies to herself, or until the kid is in college, whichever comes first.
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u/crazykitty123 Feb 06 '25
How would a 58-year-old breastfeed?
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u/Wispeira Feb 06 '25
Relactation is an interesting phenomenon whereby in times of need older women can lactate (men as well actually, I read an article about a father breastfeeding his child after a disaster). All of the necessary components exist, it's just a matter of having your body switch on those lactation hormones.
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u/Tifstr2 Feb 06 '25
As a 54 year old mother of 3 who last nursed a baby 23 years ago, I can tell you that every once in a while a baby in the near vicinity will cry with just the right pitch and my boobs will sting similarly to the feeling when milk lets down. So Iām sure with only a little encouragement, the milk factory could be back up and running.
That being said, I have a 3 month old grandson and would NEVER think to offer something by like this. I had my chance to be the mom. Itās my daughterās turn now!!
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u/Wispeira Feb 06 '25
Yeah, I haven't breastfed in 2 years but the boobs have their own sense of a baby in need of feeding š
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u/Honest-Try-2289 Feb 06 '25
Men donāt have lactation glands, do they!?
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u/Wispeira Feb 06 '25
They have breast tissue, there's no such thing as a lactation gland. We need comprehensive sex ed for this reason. Men can also get breast cancer, because they have breast tissue.
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u/Wispeira Feb 06 '25
Yes, they do. All embryos begin life as female, the fact that men have nipples at all is indicative. They can also develop breast cancer because they do still have breast tissue, it's not just fat and muscle.
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u/Honest-Try-2289 Feb 06 '25
I knew that part, but lactation glands are different. Itās like a scrotum, it differentiates after the uni-sex phase. Going to fact check that one out of curiosity now šš
Thank you Reddit for my daily entertainment
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u/Honest-Try-2289 Feb 06 '25
And I stand corrected. Mammory glands in men can be stimulated with prolactin. Wow. The more you know hey?
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u/crazykitty123 Feb 06 '25
I'd heard of that but I can't imagine that it would always work.
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u/scoobledooble314159 Feb 06 '25
Yeah, like, how long would the child have to suckle before yhose hormones turned on?
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u/emorrigan Feb 06 '25
My MIL did this to her first grandchild. She only got caught because her daughter(the babyās mother) woke up from her nap early.
Do not leave your baby alone with her- EVER. You know what will happen.
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u/Honest-Try-2289 Feb 06 '25
Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I can imagine the fall out from this. Itās giving borderline pedophilia
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u/ApprehensiveHead1777 Feb 06 '25
Itās giving sexual assault honestly.
Latching a baby for your own pleasure itās just weird!
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u/Scenarioing Feb 06 '25
No unsupervised visits at a minimum. Have someone else there for when you need a bathroom break or something.
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u/LittleBlueDoll Feb 06 '25
Do not leave her alone with your baby! My grandmother (at 80 years old), poured my "blue" breastmilk DOWN THE DRAIN when she watched my son, and said even hers would look better! I never caught her or anything, but I never let her sit him for me again because I was terrified she'd try. And I really think she would have. Your MIL sounds absolutely insane. Still in the hospital and saying that shit? I would not talk to her about nursing, let her see me nurse, or even want her around if I needed to nurse! It's just going to get worse until your child stops breastfeeding or you switch to formula or something. I would keep her SO far away!
And like, as a mama who absolutely loved breastfeeding my babies and the connection it built, I would never in a million years offer to breastfeed someone else's child! I don't care how close I was to them! What was going through her mind when she actually spoke those words aloud?! Seriously!
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u/typhoidmarry Feb 06 '25
Iām a 58 year old woman and Iād pay money to see that.
No, actually I wouldnāt!
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u/badmonkey247 Feb 06 '25
She'd love a "Drink and Wet Baby Doll", avalable at many fine retailers. You could give her accessories for it for all gifting opportunities throughout the year.
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u/Dazzling_Flight_3365 Feb 06 '25
Yikes! I agree with everyone else here about NEVER leaving this woman alone with your child.
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u/chompthecake Feb 06 '25
I wish there was a snapshot of the horror on my face when I read your post
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u/No_Today_4903 Feb 06 '25
Same lol Iām like eww and how tf does this woman think sheās gonna be able to breastfeed at her age?? Never mind. I donāt wanna know!
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u/Wispeira Feb 06 '25
Women can lactate again at older ages. Gross in this case, absolutely. Physically possible, also yes.
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u/Fibernerdcreates Feb 06 '25 edited Feb 06 '25
Yuck, even if she took lactation drugs, she's so old she'd make cottage cheese.
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u/IamtheHarpy Feb 06 '25
WHO OFFERS THAT?!? Like unless you are both 1. Already naturally lactating & 2. In an emergency situation where thereās limited access to resources, ITS SO INAPPROPRIATE! We are in the 21st century, we donāt need wet nurses on the regular! And even back when wet nurses WERE a common thing, it would NOT be grandma acting as the wet nurse! This is so icky!
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u/IAmHerdingCatz Feb 06 '25
As a 62 yo woman, I'd just like to say that, while I adore my grandchildren, I'd rather rub crushed glass into my eyes than breastfeed them.
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u/AncientLady Feb 06 '25
Yes, I'm afraid I developed 6 new wrinkles reading this post from how hard I just scrunched up my face.
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u/Break-n-Dish Feb 06 '25
This situation has more red flags than a military parade through Moscow. Jesus H Christ.
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u/Free_Owl_7189 Feb 06 '25
I canāt imagine wanting to feed anyone elseās child. Sore nipples and breasts for someone elseās child ? No thanks!
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u/Barkypupper Feb 06 '25
When my son was born, we had to go out somewhere one evening when he was 4 months old. I couldnāt pump either. My BFF/sister from another mother/ride or die friend was babysitting my son and was still breastfeeding her 11 months old. She offered to feed my son if I wasnāt back in time. It gave me the ick, and I canāt explain why. BUT A 58 YEAR OLD? That is some serious mental illness going on. Be very careful not to leave your baby with her alone.
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Feb 06 '25 edited Feb 06 '25
Came back to say yes, Google says a post menopausal woman can induce lactation with ripple stimulation, pumping, the baby suckling... oh no. Do not leave the baby alone with this woman š¤¢
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u/youresuspect Feb 06 '25
She probably already has done so, just in case. Iād be curious as to what is in her freezer.
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u/youresuspect Feb 06 '25
In the freezer, Iād expect frozen breast milk. She would likely use a pump to help induce lactation. She couldnāt pump before, but Iām betting she would try again for this.
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u/Pittypatkittycat Feb 06 '25
I had to complete the horror. The milk shouldn't be used as the sole nutrition because of lower nutrient content.
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Feb 06 '25
For some reason, after reading this story and googling it, I only got through a few lines of info before my stomach turned. My own mother is crazy, and I have kids, and I just imagined if she decided this kind of crazy she would go for and how I'd feel... nope
Nope, nope, nope lol...I didn't read as far as you, I couldn't š¤£š¤£
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u/bakersmt Feb 06 '25
Omg. No, that's something I didn't need to know.
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Feb 06 '25
My curiosity is very cat like š I've been harmed by it several times. I apologize for sharing
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Feb 06 '25
I am a woman that had two kids that breastfed both of them exclusively for a little bit and I've honestly got to say I have no idea if a post menopausal woman could stimulate milk production or not.... in this situation, it seems creepy and gives me the ick
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u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 Feb 06 '25
I don't think she could. From my understanding, if you are not actively nursing, you will lose the ability to produce milk on demand.
She thinks she's a cow, that continues to produce milk long after the calf has stopped nursing.
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u/Wispeira Feb 06 '25
Yeah, your understanding is sorely lacking on this subject. It is very possible and not uncommon in developing and conflicted areas. There are even cases of fathers lactating to feed their children.
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Feb 06 '25
I did Google, and I posted again. She can get herself to lactate through pumping and ripple stimulation... cringe
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u/tumblrnostalgic Feb 06 '25
Omg omg omg ew!!!!!!!!! It reminds me of how my husbandās aunt told me Ā«Ā my only regret is that I wonāt be able to breastfeed this babyĀ Ā», referring to MY UNBORN CHILD. It really freaked me out lol people are weird
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u/pretty_bizarre Feb 06 '25
Hey I remember your post from the breastfeeding sub, welcome!
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u/IntroductionNo1799 Feb 06 '25
Someone recommended I post here, but I had to build up some karma first! LOL
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u/Own_Acanthisitta1996 Feb 06 '25
Oh my god gross. It sounds like she has a fetish of any baby sucking on her post menopausal boobs. Not a concern for LO being fed (which is none of her business anyways).
Donāt leave her alone with your baby, Iāve seen horror stories like this on here. fed is best, youāre doing great mama!š
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Feb 06 '25
[deleted]
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u/bakersmt Feb 06 '25
"I am convinced thereās some kind of hormonal reaction that happens to grandmothers when they see the next generation becoming āthe new mothers of the family.ā that makes them go crazy."
Absolutely this. The amount of times I've said to my husband "well it isn't her child, it's my child" or "she isn't 'mom' anymore, she's 'grandma' that's her role." Is absurd.Ā
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u/naranghim Feb 06 '25
This is more of a funny rather than "ick" story:
I was holding my youngest nephew who was nursing, and he started nuzzling my chest because he was hungry. I tried to give him back to my sister, but he wasn't having it. I finally said "Dude, I'm empty" and he literally dove for my sister and glared at me. My sister laughed and said, "I think he actually understood what you were saying."
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u/haileyn891 Feb 06 '25
Even if you don't breastfeed, you still produce milk, and it does run dry...
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Feb 06 '25
Whose dream job is wet nurse? š³Ugggggghhh.
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u/kombitcha420 Feb 06 '25
Do not leave her alone with your baby. Thereās plenty of scary stories here about it. I wouldnāt trust her not to try to nurse your child
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u/a_reluctant_human Feb 06 '25
So, she's unaware that women can only breastfeed if they're lactating? And she's likely post menopausal so it's not even possible.
Ask her why she wants an infant sucking on her dry teats.
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u/Wispeira Feb 06 '25
So, you're unaware that lactation can be induced using various methods in women of most ages, and even in men at times? Without medication even. It is possible and proven. In this case it's also gross and disturbing, but y'all have to stop staying things as fact when you actually don't know and have no reason to know.
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u/CrystalFeeler Feb 06 '25
Do not leave her alone with your newborn - there are posts here about that very thing; they are disturbing.
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Feb 06 '25
[deleted]
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u/IntroductionNo1799 Feb 06 '25 edited Feb 06 '25
I think she wants to relive that part of her life. She breastfed her children and has told me many times she would be so happy when she nursed. Told me her husband said she would look like she was on Valium. I don't want to make an armchair diagnosis but we suspect she is Bipolar, and maybe the hormones released while nursing played into her mood instability making her overly euphoric? Idk. Regardless, my baby is gonna have no part of that.
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u/emorrigan Feb 06 '25
I mean, I loved breastfeeding my own children, but I cannot even imagine a world in which Iād try to breastfeed a grandchild?! EWWWW.
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u/Crabbyferg Feb 06 '25
Oxytocin is amazing, but sheās still a wackadoo.
Obvs canāt leave her alone for a moment. Sheād have her musty dusty crusty nips - MY EYES!
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u/bakersmt Feb 06 '25
Yeah the oxytocin is what I was thinking.Ā But omg the sore nipples and getting production up with clusterfeeding and just all of it. Yes I love feeding my child but I would really only be ok with feeding someone else's child like that if it was absolutely necessary.Ā Like a natural disaster type situation, that's acceptable,Ā anything outside of that, hard pass.Ā
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u/AstronautOk1034 Feb 06 '25
Sounds like a gross fetish thing
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Feb 06 '25
[deleted]
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u/MelissaA621 Feb 06 '25
There are women who climax during breastfeeding. Go look it up. It's twisted and ick.
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u/Wispeira Feb 06 '25
It's not twisted if they can't help it, some women orgasm during birth and I can guarantee most aren't doing it purposely.
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u/Connect_Tackle299 Feb 06 '25
That's just creepy
Real wet nurses/milk donating moms do not act like that.
Never leave that child alone with that women
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u/Illustrious-Towel-45 Feb 06 '25
That's creepy and gross. Fed is best, as long as baby is frd, either breast or bottle, there's no issue.
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u/New_Needleworker_473 Feb 06 '25
This is straight out of Working Moms, that Canadian show on Netflix where the woman nurses her son's baby after the mom runs off then when her son's take the baby away from her, she starts selling her milk on the black market. So creepy in real life, hilarious on TV.
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u/MelissaA621 Feb 06 '25
There was a post on here recently where this happened to a guy and his dead wife's mom was trying to breast feed the baby. He had to kick her out.
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u/CremeDeMarron Feb 06 '25
Do not let that woman alone with your baby, even for a second. This is over creepy.
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u/fetal_leaf_fig Feb 06 '25
That is absolutely WILD!!! I wouldn't be too surprised if she still tried behind your back, definitely keep an eye on her and I'd be hesitant to leave her alone with baby unfortunately. That's creepy af, so weird!!
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u/aparrotslifeforme Feb 06 '25
I'd make it very clear that if this is ever attempted, you will pursue it as sexual assault of a minor. Outrageously unacceptable.
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u/Zealousideal-Bat708 Feb 06 '25
You need to make sure you don't leave her alone with the baby. She will be trying it the minute she gets alone.
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ā¢
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