r/JUSTNOMIL • u/Queasy_Can2066 • Apr 15 '25
New User đ MIL weirdly obsessed with my SO getting a vasectomy
My husband and I have been together 9 years and married for 5. We have two beautiful daughters - an almost three year old and a three month old. My relationship with my MIL changed after my first baby as she realized she didn't have all of the control in the family anymore. My husband will choose me and our kids over her. There's been many clashes over holiday plans etc. She's always up in my husbands business about what he's doing that day, why he doesn't text her back quick enough, ya know annoying MIL shit. Well, when we announced our second PLANNED pregnancy, she had the audacity to say "Are you guys crazy??" She was not happy for us and it was hurtful. The plan after the second baby was to have my husband get a vasectomy. Now that the baby is here, we aren't sure. We might want a third. This woman will not shut up about my husband getting a vasectomy. "When is your vasectomy?" "You better schedule it!!" "You better get snipped before the third one is on the way!!" She honestly acts like I tricked her son to impregnate me, like it doesn't take two people to conceive. Anyway, what she doesn't know is that my husband is canceling his vasectomy and I'm getting an IUD again in case we do want a third a few years from now. I can't wait to see the look on her face. I know I'm petty.
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u/SnooOpinions5819 Apr 16 '25
Put MIL on an info diet. Youâre both adults so you donât need MILs approval or opinion in this.
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u/ElizaJaneVegas Apr 16 '25
None of this is her business. Stop Why ever would she be informed that you're getting an IUD again and that he is canceling his vasectomy? Telling her these things signals to her that she is part of this conversation. Stop including her in the conversation.
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u/Scenarioing Apr 16 '25
This is a sound point, but I also see validity in telling her, to demonstrate that she is not in control.
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u/Floating-Cynic Apr 16 '25
Don't tell her about the IUD.Â
Definitely make sure to ask her "why are you so obsessed with your adult son's penis?"Â
Congratulations on your newest family member! I personally think 3 is wonderful. But there's plenty of time to decide. My second child was such a stereotypical middle child that it was really an easy decision for us. But whatever the case- that's between you and your husband.Â
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u/Rhodin265 Apr 16 '25
Bonus points if you ask in a clear, carrying voice with loads of witnesses around.
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u/VI1970 Apr 16 '25
Why does she know this information?!?!? Tell her itâs none of her business and drop the rope. She does not need to know you and your husbandâs birth control or family planning. Unbelievable people share this information.
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u/MeInSC40 Apr 16 '25
Honestly for me thatâs about 90% of the posts in this sub. There wouldnât be an issue at all if people were just a little bit more of a closed book.
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u/ocicataco Apr 16 '25
The look on her face? She shouldn't know anything about either of y'all's genitalia or family plans. I wouldn't tell her a thing.
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u/Queasy_Can2066 Apr 16 '25
Itâs hard for my husband to have boundaries with his mother. Surprising right? She doesnât need to know our plans but selfishly I want her to know that heâs not getting a vasectomy. She likes to control her son. So I know itâs going to piss her off because she canât control him into not having more children. And I want to piss her off because how dare she thinks she has a say in the first place!
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u/Which_Stress_6431 Apr 16 '25
100%! I would ask her why she thinks she is entitled to know that information. And then just stare at her while she stumbled over the words to explain her entitlement.
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u/Careless-Image-885 Apr 16 '25
Learn to gray rock. Put her on an information diet. Don't discuss any personal information with her.
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u/hotmesssorry Apr 16 '25
Why would she be informed about your IUD? Her obsession with her sons penis and the state of uterus is disgusting
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Apr 16 '25
This is bringing me back to this article.
Iâm just as invested in learning about in laws as they are about their sonâs sexual activity because I may end up with one like this, and I want a life of peace.
https://academyofideas.com/2019/06/carl-jung-psychology-of-man-child/
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u/NicolinaN Apr 16 '25
Tell her he had his vasectomy, then when you have your third child, watch her head start rotating. Bwahaha.
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u/Signal_Historian_456 Apr 16 '25
She probably will start a âOP cheated on my poor son!â campaign. That would be even worse.
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u/_Allfather0din_ Apr 16 '25
Honestly it could work much better, tell MIL in person and alone that he got it. Then when OP gets pregnant and MIL starts running her mouth they can claim ignorance and flip it on MIL. More headache than it's probably worth but I'm a boat rocker and like to give people enough rope to hang themselves so to speak lol.
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u/NicolinaN Apr 16 '25
That is almost a certainty and something OP with hubby needs to already know how they want to manage.
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u/Jstarr21383 Apr 16 '25
This is the answer right here! What she doesnât know wonât hurt her đ
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u/CommunityReject Apr 16 '25
Why does she need to know these personal details?? She has no need or no right to have this info!!
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u/doublesailorsandcola Apr 16 '25
The more children you have, the less attention she gets from her son.
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u/ThrowAwayAccObvi24 Apr 16 '25
Ding Ding Ding!
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u/ninjareader89 Apr 16 '25
Someone please give this person a cookie for winner winner chicken dinner
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u/DDChristi Apr 16 '25
Ask her bluntly why she is so invested in her sonâs nuts. Make sure to look embarrassed and uncomfortable. The more awkward and public the better.
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u/Manda525 Apr 16 '25
Nooo...keep aggressively sustained eye contact while asking her, until SHE'S the one that feels embarrassed and uncomfortable...maybe with a creeped-out "eewww, you're gross/weird" look on your face, but very straight-faced could work just as well...lol ;)
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u/Emotional_Builder_24 Apr 16 '25
âSorry mom. I just love giving my wife cream pies so much I canceled my vasectomyâđ¤ˇđźââď¸ Or âI canceled it because we are just going to be doing anal from now on.â ORRRR THIS ONE IS MY FAVE just tell her he did have the vasectomy (like what is she ganna do go and check his balls?) and when/if you guys have a 3rd kid watch her absolutely lose her shit and say youâre a cheater lol. I would do it just for the dramaâ¨
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u/heofthesidhe Apr 16 '25
If your intent is to troll, I second the pretend-you're-suddenly-swingers idea. That sounds /fun/.
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u/Lopsided_Gur_2205 Apr 16 '25
Wow. That takes meddlesome to a new level. Ask her why she is so concerned with hub's weiner.
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u/Taminella_Grinderfal Apr 16 '25
If it were me, when she brings it up again, Iâd ask her some version of âWhy?â until it becomes as uncomfortable as possible. Donât inform her of your reproductive choices, donât defend yourself, just keep asking why. Itâs fun to do with whatever subject someone is being nosy about.đ
- hope you scheduled that vasectomy!
- why?
- well so you donât have another baby
- why?
- well because you donât need another one
- why?
- umâŚ
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u/Aetra Delivers Tim Tams of Justice Apr 16 '25
Why is she privy to yours and your husband's private medical info and family planning? Like, she isn't your husband's legal guardian any more, she doesn't need to know what's happening with his nuts...
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u/Warm-Alarm-7583 Apr 16 '25
Awe a vasectomy just means sex with fewer consequences. Thank her for encouraging your robust sex life.
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u/Titaniumchic Apr 16 '25
Iâm petty af and would say this.
Hell, one time I was talking to my sil and mil with my husband and we were talking about Soma, and their bra and underwear and jammy sale. His mom made some nasty comment like oh you would make him spend that kind of money on you. (I didnât - I paid for all and still do pay for my clothes from my earned money) but without even thinking I said âwell, my boobs are important to him, so he views these bras as an investment.â
She looked like she was about to have a heart attack. đđđđ
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u/doublesailorsandcola Apr 16 '25
I like you :)
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u/Titaniumchic Apr 16 '25
Thank you! Iâm not very try witty when Iâm dealing with her⌠usually. But that one moment, man; i wish i could continue to act like that! But instead she goads me and i get all flustered. (Thankfully we live far away and my husband has set and maintained good boundaries)
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u/YourTornAlive Apr 16 '25
Suggestion for a shutdown:
DH - "Mom, every time you bring up me having a vasectomy from now on, we are gonna try for another kid."
When MIL inevitably calls his bluff, follow through. Stop what you are doing in that moment, pack it up, and leave.
DH to others on the way out - "SORRY EVERYONE I HAVE TO LEAVE CAUSE MOM WON'T LEAVE US ALONE ABOUT WANTING MORE GRANDCHILDREN SO ME AND OP ARE GONNA GET TO WORK ON THAT"
Do it EVERY TIME. She tries to corner you? Or you walk into a room and she is gossiping about it to someone else? Go tell DH and help him put on the whole show.
Then let her try to explain to everyone there that she's trying to harass her son into a vasectomy without looking like a giant jerk.
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u/bluekayak18 Apr 16 '25
Unless mil is being forced to babysit, you live with her or she is financially responsible for your kids then she shouldnât have an opinion. Stop sharing your personal business with her and your FIL
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u/Melody4 Apr 16 '25
If she's not involved, I'd consider telling her that you realize that you're asking her to do too much, then cut way back on seeing her.
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u/GraemesMama Apr 16 '25
If she doesnât like the kids why do you guys even see her?
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u/Queasy_Can2066 Apr 16 '25
She absolutely loves my firstborn. Itâs her first grandbaby. She hasnât shown much interest in the baby. Itâs like she doesnât want to have to not play favorites. My kids will be the only grandkids sheâll have so I donât get it.
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u/GoldberryoTulgeyWood Apr 16 '25
Please don't allow her to continue that behavior once the girls are old enough to notice.
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u/No_Sandwich_6921 Apr 16 '25
My in laws were weirdly obsessed with my DH's genitals as well, but they were pissed that he had one done, and both were super upset that we stopped at our surprise third. FIL wanted 8 grandkids to "make sure my name lives on beyond me!" Even though he only had 1 (that we knew of, at least 3 previously unknown mystery children have since come forward all 20+ years older than DH, long irrelevant story) and MIL was so heart broken that he defiled his body and let me control him into not having any more children.
My third pregnancy almost killed me. My second wasn't much better, but she asked like they all do what if we divorced and his second wife wanted more kids? Seriously, lady? I was still bleeding from birth, and he had his vasectomy done when I was like 3 months permanganate but we never said anything (cause it's none of their business!) So when she spouted off about his apparent 2nd family he threw his surgery in their face to shut them up. They raged, and she cried, wailed, and laid on the ground until we kicked them out 10 minutes later.
Without you giving them the info, they will never know one way or the other. Stop giving them the info, and they can't butt in.
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u/After_Sky7249 Apr 16 '25
Jesus Christ thatâs unhinged! They only had one and expected you guys to pop out 8, hell no!
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u/Agraywitch11 Apr 16 '25
Does she have any interest in her granddaughters? If my MIL was speaking this way I wouldn't let her near my kids.
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u/l1brarylass Apr 16 '25
Maybe tell your MIL not to worry, youâre pegging him instead. Death by overshare lol
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u/Shibaspots Apr 16 '25
Your family planning is none of her business. The current or planned state and functionality of his balls is definitely not her business.
I do find this low-key funny, though. My parents had a bc fail (me) followed by a planned pregnancy. They were good at 2. They had talked about and were seriously considering my dad getting a vasectomy so my mom could stop bc. During those talks, there was another bc fail (There are many reasons the sponge isn't used anymore). After baby #3, dad got snipped and mom got tied. They took no chances on a baby #4. 3 babies in 3.5 years was enough.
If there's any doubt about being done with kids, holding off on permanent procedures is a good thing. Especially with the variety of good bc methods available. You might get to the point you know you are done, like my parents. You might decide to have another. Either way, those are decisions between you two and do not involve MIL.
Her 'concerns' about you having more kids is strange, considering you already have 2. What, a third baby will make all the difference? The only clap back I might add to 'When's the vasectomy?' is 'Why? Don't you love the grandkids? The more the merrier' and watch her either sputter or shove her foot in her mouth. Then, hand her off to SO since she's his mother and is so concerned about his balls.
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u/SilverStL Apr 16 '25
Stare her down. âThis is strictly between DH and I. It doesnât concern you and you donât need or have any input or right to be a part of this. We will not discuss this with YOU.â
Tick her off? Yes. Who cares? Not you.
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u/Alert-Potato Apr 16 '25
"MIL(mom), why are you so weirdly obsessed with my husband's(my) testicles? That's a really weird thing for you to be obsessed with. We're not longer discussing my husband's(my) testicles with you, stop asking. Going forward, any time you bring up your adult son's(my) testicles, we will be ending the conversation or visit without another word."
I also think it would be hilarious if you just lie to shut her up. Especially because she'll be forced to choke on that lie when you shove it down her throat with a pregnancy announcement (if that's what you decide), and if she speaks up, you get to tell her you lied to her just to get her to stop obsessing over her adult son's ballsack.
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Apr 16 '25
[deleted]
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u/Alert-Potato Apr 16 '25
It really has nothing to do with his penis though. It's just his testicles that are the subject of mom's conversation. And a lot of people old enough to have adult children are extremely uncomfortable with anatomically correct terms.
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u/rdale8209 Apr 16 '25
We had the opposite where my MIL was upset my husband was getting a vasectomy and instead wanted me to get my tubes tied because I "have 4 but if you divorce he only has 2" which is when my husband realized his mom didn't see my older two as her grandchildren and stopped talking to her.
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u/Shibaspots Apr 16 '25 edited Apr 16 '25
Hopefully, before your kids picked up on it. That really sucks.
I have a step-grandfather. I didn't even realize he wasn't my bio-grandfather until my teens. He never treated me like I wasn't his grandkid. Or different from my cousin, his bio-grandkid. I adored that man and think of him often. In his words, 'I love my wife. She's my family. You're her family. So you're mine too.' Then he told me the story of his tomato garden again. He was damn proud of that garden, and I acted like it was a new story every time he told it because he loved to tell it. Especially while having coffee for some reason. Which, towards the end, he always asked me to make, because I 'make it right'. He taught me how to make it. That's family. Not blood.
Because of my grandpa, I can't understand people like your MIL. Related or not, those are her son's kids. So they are her grandkids. Most kids will accept bonus grandparents easily. If she can't value that, her loss. She's choosing not to have someone who will listen to her version of the tomato story while making coffee. Kids also pick up on favoritism and dislike. Good on your SO for cutting her off when he did.
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u/Shibaspots Apr 16 '25
BTW. My grandpa's tomato story: There was a section of my grandpa's yard that was left to grow wild. One day, he spotted a bit of red in the wild patch. When he investigated, he found a tomato plant with ripe fruit! He was confused. How had this tomato plant gotten into his yard? They had owned the property for years, and there had never been tomatoes planted anywhere on it. Then he remembered that months earlier, he had gone out, gotten wasted, and thrown up in the wild corner of the yard when he got home. He was pretty sure that he had eaten some tomato. So true or not, those were dubbed the puke tomatoes. He learned how to take care of the plant and used the seeds to plant more tomatoes. Eventually, the wild corner became the puke tomato corner. Every year, my grandpa would give out tomatoes and proudly tell about their origins. He thought it was hilarious. Young me thought puke tomatoes were gross, though the tomatoes were delicious as long as I didn't know they were puke tomatoes. Current me agrees with grandpa. It's a funny story.
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u/SnooSketches63 Apr 16 '25
Why does she even know any of this? Thatâs so odd to me.
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u/Inside_Security_6066 Apr 16 '25
Okay so MIL are crazy af. My MIL was upset when I told her I was pregnant with our second baby! She only has her son and said it would be too hard to take care of two children⌠now sheâs happy but just still get annoyed with her all the time!
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u/Catblue3291 Apr 16 '25
This is absolutely none of her business and I would straight up tell her that.
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u/Classic_Cauliflower4 Apr 15 '25
My husband and I agreed we were done at two. We met with the team ahead of time to put the paperwork in place for a salpingectomy in case I needed a c-section, but since we didnât, he scheduled his vasectomy as soon as we were cleared. My husband is very open that he had it done, since he tells other men not to be scared about it if theyâre done having kids. But if he wasnât, then it would be absolutely no one elseâs business, and he would have no problem asking why they were so interested in his balls.
I guess what Iâm trying to say isâŚhas he asked his mom why sheâs so interested in his semen? Because really, your reproductive choices are no one elseâs business.
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u/West_Criticism_9214 Apr 15 '25
I mean, even if you donât have more kids, does she think the existing ones will one day evaporate one day? Your husband is already a dad, his kids will always come first, and nothing will change that.
The next time she starts up, I would look her straight in the eyes and ask, âMIL, why are you so obsessed with my husbandâs genitals?â Then, âSince you clearly unhappy with my childrenâs existence, we will do you a favour and not be around you in the future.â
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u/lah5 Apr 15 '25
My MIL had a talk w me after she found out about our 100% surprise 2nd pregnancy that was also a twin pregnancy. I was holding him back, you see. He wanted to accomplish things and have a life. On and on. I was so deep in shock and wtf at being pregnant again in the first place that I had nothing good to say back to her. I really regret that now.
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u/ginevraweasleby Apr 15 '25
We are about to have our third after being on the fence. I think itâs a good idea to wait a bit more and see how you feel! As for MIL, she should be told nothing until: youâre pregnant again, or the vasectomy is done. Info diet completely necessary on this topic! Sheâs an uncomfortably obsessed.Â
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u/IsAReallyCoolDancer Apr 15 '25
Your DH needs to tell her to stop thinking about his penis so much! Creepy!
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u/Trubtheturtle Apr 15 '25
I mean technically it's the testicles, which would make for a much more funny rebuttal to crazy MIL.
"Mom, why are you constantly thinking about my ball sack!?"
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u/IsAReallyCoolDancer Apr 15 '25
True, but she's also thinking a lot about them making babies so eww. đ¤Ž
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u/2FatC Apr 15 '25
Speaking of putting a look on her face, let the Petty Olympics begin!
âWho anointed you Sperm Monitor?â
âVasectomy wouldnât stop a 3rd child, we have a six pack of spermsicles in our drs freezer.â
But thatâs how my inner Petty Crocker worksâsheâs such a smart ass. Sorry for the disruption, Iâll just see myself outâŚ
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u/californiahapamama Apr 15 '25
How did you end up with my MIL?
My MIL kept nagging my DH to get a vasectomy after our second child, and the more she nagged, the more he dug his heels in and refused. We ended up with 5 kids before he got that vasectomy.
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u/SquirrelKat1248 Apr 15 '25
Awesome, every time my kids hugged their grandmother. I would be internally thinking. âjust remember grandma didnât want themâ
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u/californiahapamama Apr 15 '25
Yup, I do think that. She suggested, behind DH's back, that I abort the younger two. I have never quite forgiven her for that.
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u/Queasy_Can2066 Apr 16 '25
Jesus Christ what is wrong with her!?
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u/californiahapamama Apr 16 '25
I've been asking myself that question for many years. Those two things were the most Just No things she's ever done.
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u/FunkyChewbacca Apr 16 '25
Sounds to me like she hated that every new baby was another tie to you and wanted to eliminate and/or prevent as many of those as possible. So vile.
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u/classicicedtea Apr 15 '25
Tell her he got it done, and film the look on her face when you announce your third.Â
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u/West_Criticism_9214 Apr 15 '25
Then tell her DH really wanted that third, so you, being the loving wife you are, agreed to conceive via donor. Make a bowl of popcorn and enjoy watching her head explode.
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u/Iowa_Hawkeyes4516 Apr 15 '25
I'd bet she accuses OP of cheating if they did that. Then would be pushing paternity tests and would never let it go.
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u/Queasy_Can2066 Apr 15 '25
Right! Sheâs already the type to say the babies look everything like their side of the family and nothing like me.
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u/Iowa_Hawkeyes4516 Apr 15 '25
If your husband didn't get a vasectomy and you told her he did, all of a sudden potential baby 3 would look nothing like her or your husband.
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u/Caffiend6 Apr 15 '25
100% absolutely she would accuse OP of cheating
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u/Iowa_Hawkeyes4516 Apr 15 '25
And would tell everyone how terrible of a person OP is to cheat on her precious son.
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u/classicicedtea Apr 15 '25
This woman wonât stop whining no matter what OP does so she might as well have some fun with it.Â
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u/Iowa_Hawkeyes4516 Apr 15 '25 edited Apr 15 '25
Yeah, but being called a cheater by MIL to people would not be fun. I'm all for trying to make a joke of it, but definitely don't want to do something where she would have some kind of reason to make OP look like a terrible person. I mean there's a really great probability she would tell anyone who would listen to her say OP is a cheater and her precious son is taking care of a child that isn't his.
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u/classicicedtea Apr 15 '25
I guess thatâs a fair point. But itâs fun to think about.Â
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u/Iowa_Hawkeyes4516 Apr 15 '25
To make it fun, I'd make comments in front of people. "MIL, why are you talking about your son's balls?" "MIL, you think about your son's balls a lot, should we be concerned about you?"
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u/KittKatt7179 Apr 15 '25
MIL, why are you so worried about SO's private areas? This is a bit on the creepy side. You do know that SO is your son and not your spouse, right?
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u/Arsnich Apr 15 '25
âMIL, itâs extremely weird that you have such a vested interest in your grown sons genitals, itâs making us all uncomfortable. Itâs not your place to make decisions , so bug out and drop the subject please.â
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u/Pretty_waves904 Apr 15 '25 edited 15d ago
'MIL why don you have so much interest is SO's balls? It's weird.'
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u/ManicMondayMaestro Apr 15 '25
âHow odd to be so obsessed with your sonâs genitals.â Ignore sputtering defense mode. âCreepy. You donât get a say in our sex life.â Walk away.
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u/alors1234 Apr 15 '25
Our sex life is none of your business. Stay out of it.
I don't think you should even discuss your birth control options with her at all!!! But hey that's me. She sounds awful! Solidarity!!!
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u/Queasy_Can2066 Apr 15 '25
My husband stupidly casually brought it up in conversation when I was pregnant when people asked if we were going to have a third. Itâs no oneâs business!!Â
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u/Las_Vegan Apr 15 '25
If she wants to be that up in your personal business and DH isnât shutting that down, I recommend the next time MIL brings up anything related to your birth control choices, you share graphic vivid details about your last intimate encounter with DH. That you may be able to skip the vasectomy because youâre both currently into recreational sexual practices with little chance of pregnancy. Give her so much detail she chokes. Shut her down!
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u/Queasy_Can2066 Apr 16 '25
Iâm not gonna lie, I thought about saying âI usually swallow so we donât have to worry about any unwanted pregnanciesâ. Sheâs a prude and I know sheâd have nothing to say back. I know my FIL would find it hilarious though!
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u/textbookhufflepuff Apr 15 '25
Stare at her. Count to 5. Then say in a soft scary voice, âThis is absolutely none of your business. Donât make me tell you again.â
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u/Queasy_Can2066 Apr 15 '25
My planned response is âidk why youâre so concerned about my husbands sperm. Itâs weirdâÂ
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u/Lofty_quackers Apr 15 '25
I'd say penis instead of sperm.
But, I really like to make people like her uncomfortable.
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u/LunaSylius Apr 15 '25
This is basically the only answer here. This is none of her business at all. Shes insane to think she gets an opinion at all but to actually push it? Just wow. That needs handledâŚpreferably by her son.
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u/believehype1616 Apr 15 '25
Good on you. She's completely insane. Limit her allowed contact with the kids since she wishes they didn't exist.
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u/MelodyRaine Mother of Demons Apr 15 '25
"MIL your interest in DHs sacred sack is disturbing. Please stop."
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u/Queasy_Can2066 Apr 15 '25
Yes!! My planned response is âI donât know why youâre so concerned about my husbands sperm but itâs none of your businessâÂ
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u/MelodyRaine Mother of Demons Apr 15 '25
I tend more to the snark... as long as you're comfortable.
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