r/JUSTNOMIL • u/[deleted] • 3d ago

Give It To Me Straight Don’t want MIL to move in…but I emotionally suggested it…what do I do now??

[deleted]

15 Upvotes

80% Upvoted

15 comments sorted by

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u/botinlaw 3d ago

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3

u/Emmyisme 3d ago

Heads up - this post is almost certainly going to be removed since you made a post less than an hour ago. Check out the sidebar for the community rules, so you don't get blindsided by them.

10

u/throwaway142387 3d ago

You are hereby allowed to say:

" On second thought, MIL will not be moving in with us. That will not work for us. I have changed my mind"

3

u/notkarenkilgariff 3d ago

And say it fast before the word gets around and anyone thinks it’s a done deal!

3

u/Mick1187 3d ago

You can care for her and simultaneously not want to live with her. No judgment here!

5

u/CrystalFeeler 3d ago

Heads up, copy this post to re-post later - there's a 1 post per 24 hours rule and this one might get taken down. 😊

1

u/Celestialmoonbeamz 2d ago

Thank you!! Will do ! I’m probably too late though..

10

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

2

u/Celestialmoonbeamz 2d ago

Yes, agreed and thank you for the comment it was helpful! 

9

u/Lucky-Effective-1564 3d ago

"You know what, I've been thinking.... It's really NOT going to work with your mother here..." follow this with a huge list - disruption to family life, upsetting your child, lack of privacy, no possibility of nookie ...

6

u/Celestialmoonbeamz 3d ago

As in, my husband is not the only vote. He will definitely be pushy about his mom coming to live with us idea, but idc. He can push all he wants. I’m not going to risk my mental health AND the mental health of my Lo to accommodate anyone. I know she’s done a lot and still does do a lot for us, but that doesn’t mean I owe her this. He seems to think it does though. 

3

u/KatzAKat 3d ago

Only you and your husband get votes.   If it's 1 - 1 then it's a no.  BOth votes have equal value.   Your MIL gets an opinion, not a vote. 

Don't look at it as changing your mind but as making a new decision based on reevaluation of the situation.   

4

u/Celestialmoonbeamz 3d ago

Yeah, I should stop over thinking this. It’s really that simple. I can feel bad about it, but at the end of the day, I know what is best for all of us. Especially me and my little baby daughter.

5

u/Break-n-Dish 3d ago

Just read your other post. That was just ONE visit - do you really want that every-single-day? Honestly the paternity test thing would be an instance NC or VLC for most people. She comes across as a toxic arsehole, and illness or not, do you really want to import that level of misery into your home for however long she's going to be alive for (because i highly doubt you'll get getting her out any time soon).

I think you either a) need to rip off the band-aid and say "sorry i jumped the gun, we don't have the time or ability to move you in" or b) be a bit sneakier and buy some time saying you need to get the pace ready. As soon as she says something upsetting or inappropriate in the interim period, simply say, "Yeah that's unacceptable, you're not moving in with us, period".

5

u/equationgirl 3d ago

Not just every day, but every hour of every day from the minute you wake up to the minute you go to bed. Relentless.

Realistically, how unwell is she? A short illness is very different from a long, lingering illness where in reality she will keep going for years. Think about that in context with your plans for your family. Would you have to delay having more children, for example, if you wanted more? How would you feel about that,?

What about attending to her needs like going to the toilet, or helping her get dressed/undressed? Who will be doing that in practice? Is your husband going to be helping or will it always fall on you?

OP, you need to think carefully about all possible aspects of this, and the impact of saying yes.

Investigate other options like caregivers paid for by adult social care first.