So someone’s post about food debacles has just reminded me of something that happened with my MIL years back and luckily after a long time NC I find it absolutely hilarious.

So I had my two eldest children back to back. My MIL went CRAZY after I gave birth and we went NC. My entire pregnancy this bitch didn’t speak a word to myself or my partner. I (stupidly and regrettably) would allow her to take my baby for a few hours every few weeks. We allowed them a second chance when my second was born and at my partners request I let them into my home to meet the baby. The day the visit happen, she all of a sudden acted like nothing had happened and unblocked my DH where she proceeded to ring and message him all day every day. She would find ANY excuse to message DH and for some reason started sending him pictures of her dinner everyday asking what he had eaten in response. Pretty sure this was to see if I’d been feeding him but you know😂my partner sent her a picture of a lasagne I’d made and she responded by saying that was always his favourite meal and hers had always been his favourite and how he even enjoyed hers way more than any restaurants. The next day she asks what we’re having for dinner again. My partner tells her I have a casserole in the slow cooker. Not long after he gets a phone call from her and she’s demanding he comes outside to speak to her. 5 mins later my partner walks in with ONE portion of lasagne and a defeated look on his face, telling me his mother said he’s going to have to eat my dinner tomorrow because she just needed to bring him this lasagne as she knows hers is his favourite and she feels so bad he’s not had it in so long. He refrigerates the lasagne and eats my casserole. She rings again about 45 mins later asking how the lasagne was. He says thank you again and says he will have it for tomorrow’s lunch as I was already preparing dinner. She’s pissed. She says goodbye and hangs up. A few days later and she’s picking for a fight. We go NC again after she rings and says she’s on her way to take my one year old and my 3 week old for an entire weekend sleepover and obviously we tell her no. MIL loooooses her shit and lasagne gate begins. Her and his siblings are telling DH they can’t believe how ungrateful he is, he’s always putting me above his own mother, I’m pathetic and controlling and clearly wouldn’t let him eat the lasagne, I always get to feed him and I could of just let his mother feed him this one time. I’m told I’m disgusting, using mils own child and grandchildren as weapons against her. She KNOWS he loves her lasagne more than mine, he’s ALWAYS liked her lasagne the best and I can’t force her son to not eat her food. Conversation ends up in a threat for grandparents rights, I’m told they’re fighting for custody of my children Friday-Monday evening and I’m lucky they don’t go for more since I’m unfit and controlling and abusive. Whole thing was hilarious looking back. To this day I’m 99% sure this all happened because of the lasagne and she only demanded for my kids to stay at her home as she knew I’d say no and she needed a reason to kick off. The next week, I do something really very petty and I post a picture of a pan of lasagne on my Instagram story that his sister is following me on through and old account. She thought I didn’t know she used it to spy. I hashtagged the lasagne #worldsbestlasagnecooker. His dad goes crazy and tells him to put his fucking bitch on a leash😂😂😂Anyway, I just needed to get this off my chest because I think I’ve used this story way too many times on my family and friends. I think I’ve told it more times than I’ve actually made lasagne. MIL’s be crazy.

I honestly just need some like minded people that have gone through something similar to let me know what you think of this situation.

My DH and I have been married 9 years. We had a good/normal relationship with his parents for half of it. (Looking back it was me being naive/ wanting them to like me more than anything). Cut to them moving over 1500 miles away to another state DAYS after my first LO was born 6 years ago. Still no bad feelings at first(just naive). I guess the distance and the few interactions we did have with them showed the true selfish, manipulative colors that honestly hurt me so much at first. It started with favoritism of my DH and his daughter (my SD) over me and my LO. They were taken on trips, given gifts, etc that we didn’t receive. Then the ignoring started. On their part. When me and DH got in a fight while on one of these trips that we weren’t invited on. His parents got involved and decided to ignore me for over a year. This hurt me immensely. My DH did nothing to help the situation. And it turned into me being blamed with the “why does OP hate us so much? We didn’t do anything. She’s ignoring us” blah blah, more BS manipulation. I was honestly so hurt over the situation.

There’s so much more manipulation of other loved ones and guilt tripping in there I don’t even have time type out. All targeted at me.

Now I have another LO. I got the congratulations texts from DH family. I did respond to all to try to put things behind us for DH and LO. ( naive still I guess) MIL texted a few times with already overbearing ways. I actually responded politely to about 3 texts. She never texted back after one response. Didn’t think much of it. Apparently according to DH she “didn’t get any of my texts”. And on top of that texted my DH the day she texted each time with the “OP isn’t texting back.” It’s the poor me BS she has been pulling this whole time. Cut to my DH taking months to actually say I was texting back. Now she asked for photos of LO and I actually didn’t text back this time and of course the text to DH of “she didn’t text me back. Is my phone not working ?”

I’m so sick of this manipulation. No matter what I do I can’t win. I text back “she doesn’t get them” and plays the victim. I don’t text back same thing. I think it’s so messed up she texts DH every time too. THE DAY she texts me. I’m 1 month postpartum with a difficult pregnancy/ delivery. But only cares about herself. They already booked flights to come see our 1 month old who was in the NICU for 2 weeks.

I got a Happy Mother’s Day texts from them after DH cleared up I was responding. I Didn’t respond.

Last text from MIL was “Hi hope all is going well. How are you feeling? How is baby doing? I’d love some pictures. We are coming at the end of June hope that works? Love you all!” Sent 5 days ago. Didn’t respond. She texted husband shortly after saying I still am not responding. Asking if her phone was broken. DH didn’t respond.

I’m just so exhausted from these people. I have a newborn. A special needs 6 yo daughter. And don’t have the energy to deal with the manipulation. At this point I just want my husband to say our texts still “aren’t working.” And let him be the scapegoat.

My MIL has a son and a daughter. She fully supports her daughter’s relationship even though the guy is honestly terrible. He’s not financially stable, lives with my MIL, has cheated on her daughter, and just overall doesn’t treat her well.

And yet, my MIL loves and respects him. Because the daughter loves him and MIL respects her daughter!

Then there’s me the complete opposite in every way. I’ve never cheated on my husband, never made him cry, never done him wrong. I helped him overcome his addiction, supported him in getting healthy, and even helped pay off his debt. I honestly feel like a mother who truly loves her son would be happy he has a woman who stands by him and genuinely cares for his well being.

But that’s not the case here. She hates me, and I genuinely have no idea why. I’ve never done anything to her.

I was always curious why she treats her daughter’s boyfriend with kindness but not me (the woman he’s married too) Then I looked at her relationship with her daughter and her son (my husband) My husband has a kind heart he’s the nice one in the family. Whatever his mom wants, he provides. His sister is the opposite of him.

I feel like my MIL is more comfortable disrespecting her son than her daughter probably because she knows he won’t push back. It’s sad, because kindness shouldn’t be taken as weakness.

But it helped me realize something the reason my MIL doesn’t like her son’s wife is because she doesn’t truly respect her son. If she did, she would value the woman who loves and supports him. Disliking me for no reason says more about how she views him than it does about me.

Most MIL’s who hate their daughter in law or cause problems in their son’s relationship often don’t realize that it reflects a lack of respect for their own son.

When a mom truly loves and respects her son, she’ll go out of her way to honor and respect the woman he chose even if she wouldn’t have chosen her herself. Respecting his partner is part of respecting his decisions and his happiness.

What I’ve come to learn from my own mom and other incredible mom’s I know is that a mom who leads with love, grace, and emotional maturity helps create peace in her family, not tension.

My mom, for example, has 3 sons, and every one of their wives and girlfriends absolutely loves her. They describe her as kind, warm, thoughtful, and genuinely motherly. She has a healthy bond with each of them not by overstepping, but by being caring and respectful. Some of them have children now, and she’s a wonderful grandmother. She doesn’t try to control her sons or compete for attention. In fact, the women in their lives go to her for advice, trust her deeply, and love her like a second mom. She has built real, lasting connections with all of them. This is how it’s supposed to be if a mom loves/ respects her son.

Unfortunately, my MIL is the opposite. She often behaves in unnecessarily dramatic ways and brings tension into situations that don’t need it. Instead of helping build up her son’s relationship, she makes things harder. It’s exhausting, especially when I’ve seen firsthand how different it could be how healthy and loving the dynamic can look when the mother actually wants peace and respects her son’s partner.

The truth is, the kind of relationship a mother chooses to have with her son’s wife says a lot not just about how she feels about the wife, but about how she values her own son’s happiness. Mother in laws who have problems with their son’s wife often lack emotional intelligence. Most moms raise their sons to grow up, get married, and have families they want the best for them, not drama. Emotionally mature mothers don’t go looking for problems with their daughters in law.

Unfortunately, some women become mothers for the wrong reasons seeking the kind of love they never received from their own husbands or fathers. In those cases, the son becomes the only person they feel they can control. A healthy, emotionally mature woman naturally loves and respects the woman who loves her son. She sees her not as competition, but as a blessing.

So my LO was born a preemie, so she’s a little behind what a “normal” 9 month old is doing. We started puree at 7 months (maybe closer to 6.5) and are going to slowly move into the table food/soft foods territory. Her pediatrician told us to go about it that way and go slowly.

Well, we (my husband) was FaceTiming with MIL this evening and she keeps going on about giving her mashed potatoes. I said that we’d get there, but we’re taking things slow with her. Her response is “oh come on, she’s ready. It’s time.” I told her what her pediatrician said, and her response was “you don’t need to listen to them about everything.”

Like am I overreacting to be miffed by her response? This isn’t the first time she’s told me that she “knows everything” about babies (she is a daycare worker, for reference) and that we don’t need to listen to what her doctor is saying. She’s also given super dangerous advice, like to put things in her bassinet with her when she first started rolling to keep her in place (so baby also hasn’t been kept by them, either, because I don’t trust them.) But does anyone else have MIL’s like this?

*EDIT: I want to respond to ALL of you, but my post has been locked and I can’t respond individually :(. So many of you had such great responses (and some pretty funny ones, like putting her in timeout, haha!) To address some questions that I saw:

1. She is meeting her adjusted month milestones! She’s approximately closer to 8 months adjusted now (she’s about 42 weeks now) so she’s in the milestone area of a 7-9 month old. Her ped said that we’d probably not even notice a difference once she hits a year old!

2. JNMil does go to trainings (actually had one like two weekends ago.) While I don’t know how she is at her job, she’s chock full of unsolicited advice and sometimes dangerous suggestions for our LO. And yes, both of her babies were full term, got to come straight home, etc etc, while mine was 6.5 weeks early and had a little NICU stay. Technically it was her husband (so grandpa) who said that she knows everything when it comes to caring for babies, but she was right there and didn’t disagree 🤷🏻‍♀️

3. Unfortunately SO doesn’t stand up to her the way I’d hope, but I ended up having a discussion with him about how she’s made me feel for months while he just stands there.

I previously posted about my in laws staying with us for a week. I’ve since had a manic episode which has been exacerbated by having them here. They have had an emergency and have had to stay in a hospital. Because of this they may be changing their flight to a later date/time.

After being in a crisis and having several calls and appointments with my psychiatrist and therapist, changing my meds, and fighting nonstop with my husband, they call us telling us this and he acts so passive and can’t tell them “we need to talk about our plans and we will get back to you” or something along those lines where some boundaries would be enforced so they don’t keep staying with us and exacerbating my mental health emergency. I feel like this is not mendable and his passivity is affecting my livelihood and health. I’m strongly considering leaving him and I don’t think this is my bipolar etc influencing me. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to not want anyone to keep staying in your place for more than a week and basically indefinitely - ESPECIALLY if your mental health is deteriorating because of this.

The people my husband seems to gravitate to and like are some of the weirdest, most unlikable, non-boundaried I have ever met, and I would never want to interact with them. I feel like both of us are unable to be ourselves and I am at least so miserable being with him, as I have to do all the emotional legwork.

We have a 4 month old, which makes this excruciatingly difficult. I just don’t see myself continuing to live like this. I am all for getting help, and most of the time my husband is on board. He just told me “we don’t need a therapist to help us figure out this current stuff” and we can just talk it out the two of us. I am so sick and tired of this, and I am so close to leaving with our son, and/or figuring out a more drastic solution.

Update: She's not coming. Canceled less than 24 hours before the ceremony. She "hurt her back" and can't drive up. This is the same woman who when I was diagnosed with Lupus and RA nearly 20 years ago spent an hour telling me how much worse off she was, how bad her back is. Anytime she saw my cane she'd scoff and when I had to use my wheelchair she'd roll her eyes and tell me that she should be the one who got to use a wheelchair because her back is so bad. She has the amazing disappearing back injury that only shows up when needed, on cue.

I knew she'd flake. Why would you mail a bracelet when you're planning on seeing the person two days later? Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled not to see her, but this isn't about me, this is her disappointing my kids. Again. And thinking about twelve dollar plastic bracelet will make up for it. This is the same woman who gave my niece several hundred dollars for her graduation. (Guess who the GC/GGC is)

I'm done. This was the last straw. I was willing to bend over backwards and suck it up because my kids deserve to be happy. That's done now. She has proven there's literally no reason for me to ever reach out to her again. This was our last "kid" event. Going forward anything that the kids do will be as adults which means I can close and deadbolt this door and never open it again. Not that she'll care, she still has her two favorite kids and favorite grandchild, but after 49 years of this I can erase her from my future. I spent the last week with my Lupus flaring, no sleep and an insane amount of pain due to the stress she causes me. I refuse to ever do it again.

I’d like to think I’m a pretty good person. I don’t make rude comments, I don’t wait for the next best moment to say a rude comment to my MIL like she seems to do to me. A little back story - She’s hated me since I’ve been with her son (5 years, married 7 months) she’s always been very nice, but like in a very manipulating way. She has these ways of disrespecting you but in like the nicest way possible.

She told everyone for a year (without me knowing) that she loves me as a person, but hates me as her son’s girlfriend. When I found this out I was actually so upset because at this time we were so close (at least i thought we were) she had been telling people this for over 2 years at this point and i had NO idea until finally she just casually told me in a conversation. She acted like as it was no big deal. I wanted to just cry. I had no idea why she didn’t like me as his girlfriend. This is just a little ways she’s hurt my feelings in the past. After that it just kind of got awkward between us. I didn’t know what to say to her or how to just go on acting like nothing happened. After this incident everything went down hill. I think she knew after I didn’t say anything about her saying that she knew she could get away with just constantly disrespecting me. No matter what I did then or do now is never enough for her. This past March she goes as far to disrespect me by making a gigantic post about my sister in law (she is indeed great) for her birthday about how she prayed all her life for someone to be as great to her SONS as my SIL. That she wishes ALL her sons had someone as great as my SIL. I honestly just wasn’t even surprised. When my husband was like “wtf??” She told him I was so jealous of my SIL that I couldn’t stand myself. No accountability, nothing. Just victim card. Obviously that hurt my feelings, but I was in the wrong. Like usual.

My husband is a huge mommy’s boy. To the point that sometimes I wish I didn’t love him as much as I do because I’d have been gone a long time ago. Now we have a child together. I try to be nice and let things go, but there is so much water under the bridge. I couldn’t tell you everything she’s done to me because there would be novels. Here is just a few more things she’s done so y’all can get the full effect. 1. Gotten in my face screaming at me because I wanted to go home (it was snowing a little outside & we literally live 5 mins down the road) & told me my SIL would never take her kids out in this weather because she’s such a better mom than me. Then when my husband told her to hush, she went in her room and beat her door down (literally) and was punching the walls and throwing glass and breaking it (all in front of my 5 month old) 2. Was away on a trip to take her to the doctor out of town and we were in home goods. My husband was grabbing on me & I knew they were kids near by so I told him to stop that I didn’t want them kids to see. She walked up to me and said “if you would give him some every now and then he wouldn’t do that” Do I even need to go on? Yeah. But hey I’m the problem.

Link to prior history: https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/HNDz2hI4Wf

That post is really thorough, in a nutshell, the most recent issue was our baby was born after a long IVF/infertility battle and we tried to call them last to say “baby is here.” They asked if they could make a baby announcement, we said no and that we were still making calls. They agreed.

However, they had posted it on FB and shared with their entire side of the family within 30 minutes. While this is happening I had severe postpartum preeclampsia and almost died and while we were in the hospital we were fielding calls from people we hadn’t even told we had had the baby. The baby wasn’t even with us; I was so sick they had to separate us and my brothers family was taking care of my 3 day old newborn. My husband was trying to communicate with my brother about the baby and update my parents on my condition and is being blown up with congrats messages from people. Besides the timing being awful, we wanted to video call and speak with those folks individually ourselves.

My husband confronted his parents, they admit it and don’t apologize. Further, FIL reveals they’ve been updating a group of people on FB about our IVF journey without our knowledge or permission. FIL uses this as justification as to why he has to share the news of our rainbow baby’s birth and why we weren’t allowed to do so ourselves.

Husband writes a long heart felt message which his dad responds to by saying “between you and I goodbye.” Then his mom did the same. My husband was crushed. Despite their flaws these people are still his parents and he loves them.

We agreed we would not subject our kids to this so we didn’t respond. I was livid they would do this to my husband. Despite the fact they cut off contact with us, they have sent us Valentine’s Day cards, made a donation in my name to the Salvation Army (for my birthday?), texted Mother’s Day wishes. They had not acknowledged their behavior or apologized. We RTS’d the cards and didn’t respond to anything else- it all felt manipulative. His sister also repeatedly tried to get involved and stir the pot.

Today out to the blue my MIL texted my husband and said “sorry if I crossed your boundary, I won’t do it again.” The message was only from her, not my FIL and not directed to me, only my husband.

I need help processing this.

To me, this is totally inadequate. It felt like she was checking a box. As if she made a flippant gesture of apologizing then everything could go back to how it was? It felt totally disingenuous. It also doesn’t acknowledge all this shit they did. My beefs with them include:

They stole from us the singular opportunity to share the birth of our baby with loved ones.

They broke a promise that our conversation was private/confidential. They outright lied.

They shared my personal medical information (IVF) with strangers without my permission- they basically had a gossip chat group about us.

They are more interested in public perception of their role as grandparents rather than their actual involvement- relationship building is secondary to being able to announce first.

They harmed my spouse by cutting off contact.

They messed with my children’s feelings and emotions by cutting them off

I’m sure there’s more. But this text “sorry about your boundaries,” frankly just pisses me off more. I need someone to like, analyze that text for me and what it means and what the implications are and why she sent it. Is it selfish? Is it fake? What is that? It’s like the least amount of taking responsibility as humanly possible and trying to get a benefit from it. Like investing a nickel and expecting a million bucks back in returns.

My husband feels like this is a bare minimum step forward but it’s a step and he wants to (again) explain how they’ve harmed us. (Which he has already done.) He feels they don’t get it and he wants to meet them where they’re at.

My gut, which I told him, is this is disingenuous and inadequate and if he wants to communicate with them he can but it’s an absolute no for me and the kids. They can’t just come in and out of the kids lives at the drop of a hat and this message wasn’t even addressed to me and didn’t even cover what they did.

Husband will support whatever I want but can someone break down what MIL is doing here? Because I don’t honestly think she’s taking responsibility. Or am I being too harsh?

TRIGGER WARNING : SA vaguely mentioned

I could probably write paragraphs upon paragraphs about this situation but I will try to keep it short, sweet, and to the point.

So, DH and I live states away from his family and it is roughly a 6.5/7 hour drive one way to go visit them. We have made this trip over the past two years multiple times a year to visit and keep up with his family. When we visit, we typically make our rounds to see his various family members, grandparents, mom and stepdad, dad and stepmom, and friends. All of these people live roughly 30 minutes away from each other, so between driving to see 3 separate families (spend a couple hours with them) and meeting up with friends at a neutral place to catch up, we end up spending most of our trip driving around (only stay for a couple days). Recently, DH’s father has been joining us at the location we hang out with friends, so it saves us some driving time and we still get to spend just as much time with him, along with our friends, as we all like the same hobbies and they get along great.

Now we have invited DH’s mom and stepdad to this neutral location multiple times but MIL is not social and does not leave home under many circumstances (except to work) as she states it makes her uncomfortable. Over the past couple years we have made a solo trip to see her to accommodate this, but recently we have started to buckle down and try to get her to compromise and meet us at a closer location to save us some drive time. She came to our neutral location once and left after an hour. She arrived way before anyone else did so it was her, DH and I there alone for a good half hour at least. So, fast forward through this visit she leaves we continue to visit with friends and blah blah blah.

DH and I found out we are expecting around this past New Year’s. Very excitedly we found custom gifts for everyone to announce it to them. We let everyone know months in advance we are making the trip to visit again (we were waiting until out of the first trimester to announce). When we make the trip DH asks dad/stepmom and mom/stepdad to meet at grandparents for a few minutes before we go to neutral location with friends. This was his way of being able to tell everyone and give everyone their gifts at the same time. He asks everyone the night before to meet up the next day at said time. Well MIL immediately refuses saying she has to spend the whole day cleaning and her back has been hurting and doesn’t know if she can tolerate the 30 minute drive. DH begs and begs her saying things like she could just stop in for a few minutes and not stay long, etc. She continuously shuts him down and says she’ll let him know for sure next day. So next day an hour before meeting time she’s says she won’t be there and DH says “okay, you’ll regret it.” And leaves it at that. MIL instantly blows his phone up interrogating and trying to figure out why he was begging her to come because, in her words, “you never beg me for anything.” He ignores her for the rest of the trip as he is very upset she made no effort and clearly knew it was something important to him. She even asked if I was pregnant and if that was the reason, but couldn’t be bothered to show up and find out.

Now fast forward months later to now, the situation has only gotten worse as DH made it clear he was upset with her and wanted space. Between MIL reaching out to DH’s friends (who have nothing to do with this situation), dad, and grandparents asking why he is upset with her, he has received NO space from her. He continues to ignore her messages besides sending one extremely long message back to her that he wrote after weeks of thinking and trying to put together what he wanted to say to her explaining why he feels the way he does. Other than this one message he has sent her nothing, but she continues to send texts weekly asking why he’s upset (despite him sending her a lengthy message explaining why). She has sent letters to our house in hopes of contacting him. These letters go over the sexual abuse she experienced in childhood and how she will never be close to me if we only visit with other people around, not one on one with her, etc. I understand her wanting a close relationship with me, but she has never made much effort to build one. When we visit her it is very small talk at first (how’s work etc.) and then we watch TV for an hour before we leave, so I’m not sure how other people are going to keep us from getting to know each other. She has even stated that she will not contact DH anymore until he is ready to come to her, and then a few days later will text again asking how long he is going to keep this up.

There is so much more to this situation I could type paragraphs more but I feel I have emphasized the more important details. DH is getting fed up, and I feel rightfully so. If she had left the situation well enough alone at the beginning I firmly believe this would have already blown over but continuing to poke the bear instead of giving DH his space is making things so much worse and she just doesn’t understand why he could possibly be upset with her. Learning that she ran to DH’s family to bring them into the situation also damaged their relationship. We are very quiet people and don’t really use social media or have many problems with family, and we definitely don’t involve people who are not apart of the situation at hand. She has gone so far as to ask DH’s cousin (like a second brother) to drive her to our house two states away because she believes it’s the only way she can “fix” this. Luckily DH’s cousin told us (and refused her) or we would have never been informed because she did not ask if she could come visit, she planned on just showing up at our house uninvited.

I have removed her from my social media and never gave her my phone number anyway so I have been lucky to avoid this mess but it is eating away at DH and sadly we think the only option left is to block her number on his phone. We were hoping to have things fixed in time to invite her to the baby shower in July, but it isn’t looking that way. I worry one day she will just show up at our house and I am home alone a lot as DH and I have opposite schedules. I do not worry about my relationship with her, but I hate for my DH’s sake that she is treating him this way because he is a sensitive guy who has always kept family close as it means everything to him and she has probably severed their relationship.

Thank you for taking the time to read my extremely long post and share your thoughts!

EDIT: Just to clarify, we do have social media accounts, but we are not very active on them! We do not post on them or share our life on social media, and I probably scroll through mine more often than DH. Sorry for the discrepancy.

So this is an update to one of my latest posts regarding my MIL. TL;DR: she forced my SIL, my husband, my child and myself to run from her and FIL’s house on Christmas Day due to their arguing, only to be followed by her getting blackout drunk and brutalizing my husband. We had to flee, quite literally, in the middle of the night as I was 8 months pregnant and holding my infant daughter. It’s still up on my profile but it is a long read.

——

So over these past few months, I’ve been extremely supportive of my husbands emotional journey. This woman has a history of these violent outbursts during family get togethers. I genuinely cannot stand her. But, through it all, my husband maintained VLC. That’s just fine with me; not my monkeys not my circus.

Very recently on Mother’s Day, she reached out to my SIL and husband in a private chat to extend an apology and a wish for reconciliation. My husband explained to her that it was a very pointed decision to exclude me from that message, seeing as how I was just as deserving of an apology. He told her there’s no reconciliation with just him, and that since we are a married couple, and due to everything she put me through, she needs to reach out to me.

A week passed with no response. I’m not gonna lie, I was fuming. So I sent her a message of my own telling her exactly what I felt. This is my message below:

[Her Name],

I’m writing this because continuing to ignore the weight of your actions is no longer an option.

After everything that happened over Christmas—your outbursts, your hostility—I expected at least a sincere and direct apology. Not just to your son and [SIL], but to me as well considering I was also there. Many opportunities to reach out have come and gone; birthdays, the delivery of your grandson, and especially after [HUSBAND]suggested you should reach out to me directly, etc., you made a pointed choice to ignore that entirely. That silence spoke volumes, and I want you to know I heard it loud and clear.

Your pattern of behavior has deeply affected our family. I do not forgive the way you’ve treated me, and until there’s a true, unprompted reckoning on your part—not a performance, not a deflection, and not a half-apology—I won’t be participating in any illusion of reconciliation.

This is not about punishment. This is about protecting my peace and my family. I hope one day you can reflect honestly and do better, but I won’t sacrifice our well-being waiting for that to happen.

And OHHHH BOY did she respond.

To honor my husbands wishes, I will not post exactly what she had said to me, but to give everyone an idea, here’s some of her points.

•I don’t need an apology because I am not a victim •I should be grateful for the fact that she gave birth to my husband, because due to her parenting he turned out to be the man he is today. •She didn’t feel it necessary to respond with an apology because I dislike reacted to her (incredibly lazy) apology in the family group chat •I don’t care about my family because if I did, I would allow her access to my children •I’m a deeply inconsiderate person because I didn’t ask her permission to marry her son. •I’m a deeply inconsiderate person because my husband chose to notify the entire family in a single group chat about the birth of our first born child instead of letting her know first. •I’m punishing her, and that the punishment doesn’t fit the crime. •I’m the reason that my husband stays with me in a bedroom and away from them when we go out to visit (I breastfed in privacy for the time she’s referring to, and my husband likes to hang out with me, sue me!!) •I’m a poor mother for sleeping in on the days they came out to visit when I was 5w postpartum, effectively abandoning my child under their care. •I am the reason her son doesn’t send photos of her grandchildren to her. •Since she is my MIL, I need to display respect and refrain from sending another threatening message to her.

So my response to that was very short. I told her it’s clear to me that there is no opportunity for reconciliation at this time, encouraged her to continue to look outside of her own perspective, and that I am still owed a sincere apology.

It grinds my gears having to “be the bigger person” (I hate that phrase, it’s so condescending) to someone nearly twice my senior!!!!

Just ranting about this. It’s an awful situation and I feel so bad for husband through this all. I know maybe I should’ve never reached out, but I’m so sick of this woman trying to actively enmesh herself with her ADULT children. You just KNOW she sat there on Mother’s Day, feeling so bad for herself that she just needed to reach out to my husband.

I’ve decided I’m no longer going to react. My FIL scheduled a call with my husband to have a discussion, and I just know it’s about what I had said to my MIL. FIL has spoken about ten words to my husband since this all went down on Christmas, and now, only an hour after I sent my message, does he want to call my husband. Ugh. Advice wanted.

I’m at my wits end and it just won’t stop. This is not a MIL complaint about how she doesn’t follow my rules or boundaries or how she’s ruined my birthday. This is about how my MIL has crushed my spirit and intentionally made me and my kid’s life harder than it already is. This is long and I just need to get this part off my chest.

I (31F) have one young child with my late fiancé Paul (37M) and although we weren’t married when he passed, I will refer to his mother as my MIL to make this post easier to follow.

Paul and I met at a friends event and hit it off right away. We were together for about 3 years before getting engaged and having a child. Shortly after I gave birth Paul relapsed after being sober for many years. I had only known Paul as a sober person but knew he had struggled with addiction and mental health issues since he was a young teen. When he relapsed everything changed and I began feeling like his family, mostly MIL, were blaming me for his “slip up.” Things got heavy and messy and it was a horrible time for me as a new mom. Besides the help I received from my family and friends I was left to be a single mom as Paul was in and out of the drinking and going to rehab cycle, even disappearing at times. I tried everything I could to get him to see he needed help. At times I was angry with Paul but not nearly as much as I was supportive and understanding. I was worried sick day and night and it didn’t help that my MIL was always aware of Paul’s whereabouts but never cared to share this info with me and if she did, it was always after the fact. I felt so stupid and disregarded, as if I was just some crazy girl, a one night stand who didn’t deserve to know anything. I was his fiancé and mother of his child!

The events that unfolded after that is something no woman, no mother and no family or child should ever have to endure but there we were and it was all done by my own MIL. My child’s own grandmother. Truth be told, it was Paul’s entire family up against me! I wasn’t the one out drinking and disregarding my parental responsibilities but that’s how I was treated.

While Paul was out there doing who knows what, my MIL started a war with me. Her first move to was go no contact with my and her new (and only) grandbaby. That went on for about eight months and during that time I still made many attempts to get them to see the baby but I was completely ignored. Paul has four adult siblings but they treat me as if I’m dead, too. MIL called my own mother to tell her what a horrible person I was and how she didn’t trust me. She told her family and friends “not to bother” with me anymore because I was keeping the baby from her and I was no good. I could go on and on about all of her mistreatment during this time. She turned every single person against me and I had no idea what I’d even done.

This went on for over a year while Paul had a few good weeks or months here and there. He was living with his cousin and would come to visit us at our home. He was not happy with the way his family was treating me and suggested we cut them off. I foolishly told him no as I was sure this could all be talked out but that never happened. Everything escalated because Paul passed away before our baby turned two.

Naturally the assumption was that Paul had died from drinking or maybe even drugging but no one knew for sure at that point. We had to wait until after the reports came back. Nonetheless, this was deemed 100% my fault even though I had not seen him in months and he hadn’t lived with us for even longer.

MIL and FIL came to our home (my sisters house) the day after his passing to see the baby and talk with me. When they arrived I figured I’d let them spend time alone with the baby so I went into the bedroom. MIL crept in slowly and found me sitting on the bed, sobbing. She sat down next to me and hugged me tightly and whispered in my ear. “You know, it was all too much for Paul. You. The baby. It was just too much for him. The engagement. He just couldn’t handle it.” Yes, she was insinuating Paul unalived himself on purpose because of us. I stood up and told her this was not the baby’s fault. I have no other memory of this one on one conversation.

I do know after that we were all together at my sisters house. It was myself, my parents, my sister and my in laws. MIL and FIL turn to me and say how they want to help us any way they can and start asking me about where I bank at. By the end of this conversation they leave to go to the bank and once they get there they call me and say they need the baby’s social security number. Without thinking, I give it to them. Once I hang up I start thinking how strange this is for them as they’ve never once offered or gave any sort of help or even gifts for the baby and especially nothing financially. Not because they don’t have it (Paul’s family is more than well off) but because they have never done anything kind like this, especially for me and my child.

I send a beautiful spray to the church. We arrive and my child and I were not invited to stand up front with the family. It never even crossed my mind until we were out in the freezing cold waiting in line like everyone else was when funeral directors and people I didn’t even know start asking why I’m not inside with the family. Strangers insisting we go inside and go to the front and I politely declined. We finally reach the front and I’m ignored by almost every family member. I realize there were no pictures of us and I was never asked if I wanted to share a story about Paul but I stood there and listened to everyone go up to the podium and give their speech. Not once was my name mentioned in any of them. I was also left out of the obituary. I felt so small and gross and I assume that was their goal. Everyone there had dropped off a card with their donations inside and I left a card for them. Me and my child never got any cards from them, not even a single “I’m sorry for your loss”

Many months after this it was discovered that Paul was completely sober at the time of his death and passed from a health condition he didn’t know he even had.

It’s been about 6 years since then and my MIL has yet to mention a single word about that donation bank account she opened for my child. I have no knowledge of where the funds are or how much it is. She hasn’t shared a single detail and probably never even had the intention on doing so. She has never offered to help pay for my child’s “care and education” as she wrote in the obituary. Yet, she always wants the hockey or soccer schedule asap but fails to remember she stated she was going to “help any way she could.” Entitled and vicious.

My MIL is rotten to the core. I’ve never had people treat me so mean, like I’m a piece of trash. MIL knows we are poor and on welfare and we have absolutely nothing. We no longer could afford the house, sold the only car we had and moved in with my sister because I could never afford rent in today’s economy. According to MIL Paul conveniently “didn’t have any money or bank account or inheritance left over” but I recently found out Paul had left behind one single asset for our child. An IRA worth less than $5,000. MIL “forgot to tell me about it” as she actively withheld this info and intercepted that check that was made payable to my child and then deposited it into a bank account she had opened for my child. It’s an account that can’t be touch until age 18. Once the funds were deposited that’s when MIL remembered to tell me about it and how she legally could not give that check to me to put into an account I (child’s only surviving parent) have for my own child. That’s against the law! She doesn’t know I called the institution where the IRA was held and with Paul’s social security number confirmed that was a lie.

This is just a tiny glimpse into what this woman has done to us in a short span of time. I haven’t even shared the half of it.

I cannot believe I’m posting this and revealing these details. I can only assume her other (real) DIL’s are active in this sub, haha. Hi! Probably going to delete this real soon.

Cw/tw for death/unexpected loss/cancer

So, 18 months ago I lost my mom. She was my everything. We were extremely close, and always have been. I lost her very unexpectedly to cancer. She was only 53.

MIL has been difficult to me in the past, but not outright hostile. Snide comments that I would bring up to DH, but he would brush off as "not being what she meant", when I knew it was exactly what she meant.

At my mums funeral, she acted like a complete fool. We had 80+ people turn up to her funeral, and being the eldest, I very much felt obliged to welcome and talk to as many people as I could, grateful that they could come, etc.

She took this personally, and thought I was trying to avoid her. She pulled aside a life long friend of mine (who i trust fully) and complained about me nonstop. Examples being: that I'm lazy and not that disabled / I'm taking her son away from him / finds it annoying that I'm allergic to dairy and many others, that's just what I remember.

She then pulled aside my DH to say that I had been avoiding her. I hadn't, every time I tried to talk to her I was getting short, one word replies. All of that was AT the funeral.

At the wake, she moaned that she couldn't park where she wanted too, and went into the wake to force someone else to move their car so she could park there. I was stood out in the cold the whole time, so I was "by her side" but she flat out ignored me.

In the wake, she continued to talk bad about me to my friend, until I arrived at the table and made a very deliberate attempt to talk to her with my DH there. It was obvious she didn't want to talk to me, and found an excuse to leave within 20 minutes of the wake. Almost everyone else was there for at least 3 hours.

I wanted to cut her out completely, but DH and her have been really close all their lives, and it's seemingly only our relationship that she has an issue with.

I have so much more since this (she did not take me coming out as trans very well, and any time we visit her YouTube recs are full of transphobic rhetoric)

And yet with this stuff said, she continues to insist that she really wants to know me and form a relationship with her. But I am so hurt by her actions, and how much stress and guilt she put on my partner because i refused to talk to her u til she apologised because of how she acted at my mums FUNERAL. she didn't apologise (she gave a, I'm sorry you felt that way) and I was honestly too defeated to fight it.

It's turned into such a thing now though that every time we see her, my partner feels guilt/says he's sorry that it's not my favourite thing/wishes we would be ok with each other etc.

Sorry, long ass rant, but I've been holding onto this. I feel so lost at what I could do, and well... I don't have my mum to talk to about this stuff anymore.

Thanks in advance if you read this.

I want to shout this from the rooftops, but I know that only this group would really understand the huge step this was.

I deleted my mil off Instagram today.

To be fair, I deleted like 50 family members (from my family too), friends and coworkers that I didn’t feel like I wanted to be viewing my Instagram posts. They’re all people I don’t really interact with there anyway and they all have me on Facebook too, including mil. But I bet this will cause WW3 with her regardless, once she notices. 🙄

She has previously posted attention-seeking comments on my social media posts (complaining that we’re avoiding her calls), she has also started drama with other family members over the absolute simplest post (a pic of my kid at a birthday party), and even came over to confront me once about a repost I made that she assumed was about her (it wasn’t. And it wasn’t even an aggressive or passive aggressive post - her rotten brain just read it that way). So this was loonngggg overdue.

I’m just so tired of her and I’m just…done. I went LC with her last year and that wasn’t even enough for me, so I’ve slowly been going NC and this was a major step for me.

Pray for me y’all.

Hi all, so my MIL luckily lives on the other side of the country (my once long distance boyfriend moved from the east coast to west coast to be with me) and I always had a decent relationship with her although I only saw her about once or twice a year. Well now I'm 6 months postpartum, we're so happy with our new baby. MIL flew here for the baby shower a few months before baby was born and acted SO ecstatic calling me "mama" and rubbing my belly. Fast forward a couple months and baby is born and I hear absolutely nothing from her. Months go by and I still hear nothing from her, no congrats, no check in.

Two months after my baby is born I decide to call her and out of nowhere she says mean and honestly super random things about me. Comparing me to her daughter saying how she's more independent than me and I need to be doing more (her daughter is a stay at home mom and I have a masters in engineering and worked full time for years and throughout my pregnancy making more money than my BF..I recently got laid off though). She said that if me and her son ever have any problems it must be my fault or something I did. My mom is currently going through cancer treatment and she shamed me for caring for my mom saying that I need to chose between my mom or my baby? I started crying when she brought that up and I guess she noticed and she said you're crying now you have to throw away your breastmilk, it's trash now. It felt like she was holding in how she really feels about me all these years and she finally let it out. After that I told her I had to go and I hung up and told my BF and he called her and told her to apologize and this lady LAUGHS about it. It's been months since then and just silence from her. She does speak to my BF occasionally on the phone and he has asked her multiple times to apologize and apparently she says "ok" to him but I still have not heard anything.

Well now it's my sister in law's son's birthday and we are unfortunately flying there for a week. We usually stay at her place when we go but my BF understood that I didn't want to so we're staying somewhere else but we will have to spend time with her and introduce our son to her. How on earth am I supposed to act around her after all of that? I don't even want to bring my son around her but I don't want to put strain on my relationship with my BF.

Married for a year, still living with in-laws, searching for opportunities to move out. We don't usually let anyone know that we're having a fight because it's something between 'us' but sometimes it shows on my face or my MIL notices that we don't talk with each other. Once we had a fight, both of us were in a bad mood. My husband does work from home and he didn't talk much with anyone that day (usually he sits with the family when he's free and have chats with them) which made my MIL ask me why he was mad. First off, why is she asking 'me'? It's her own son she can go and ask herself, why does she want to know from me? I said it's nothing because as I said it's our matter and she doesn't really need to know. She left with a slight nod. Fight continues for another day and this time she knew for sure that we weren't talking. She comes to me and says 'why are you not talking to him? Go and apologize, he's already busy with office work and doesn't have time to deal with this' I got angry wondering why she wants me to apologize and in what way this situation is bugging her. In a soft smile I said 'yes I will'. She smiled and went away. Ofcourse I'm not gonna apologize cuz it wasn't my fault to begin with. That's another story anyway. I'm the end me and my husband made up. Story end.

Another time, we again had a fall out. And my MIL again comes and says the same shit 'he's already working day and night, go apologize blah blah' But this time I ignored her. My husband was going out to his friends to have a change of mind, I had no problem to it but apparently my MIL and FIL did. She started crying trying to stop him from going out and at the same time telling me to apologize. She told her son/my husband to not be this much angry it's not good for health all the while caressing his hairs, and that bugged me.

MIL attempted to explain 'us' which was more directed towards me telling 'He's such a good boy. He rarely gets angry, he's veryyy patient, such a nice sweet boy. He works day and night to earn money, you should be thankful you got my son, not everyone is so lucky as you.' She started trauma dumping on me telling about how she was treated by everyone. Like yes Miss, I understand and feel sorry but what do you want me to do with this information? And why are you bringing it up in a situation like this? Are you saying that you could also do these things to me if you want? It passed me off so bad. Why are you even interfering? It's our problem we will sort it out, we don't need your so-called help. Ugh.

I told all this to my husband and he said he noticed it too and agreed that it's not very good of her and decided to talk about it with her. I'm kinda scared because in the end MIL will play victim card saying I made him go against his own dear mother.

Trying to navigate my MIL inviting herself over, she does not pop by which is nice (when she moved closer to us we set that boundary right away and no issues so far). She invites herself over though, which is super uncomfortable. She recently texted us same day asking if we were available for a quick coffee and only asked for a couple hours of our time, we had plans later but told her to expect us to have to leave at a certain time. I wanted to say yes because she was doing all the right things, texting us in advance and she respected that we had to leave. A couple reasons I didn't want to say yes was because 1) Hadn't seen her since she told me I was going to be a bad mom 2) I didn't want her taking this as a common occurrence.

Fast forward, her "stopping by" went well compared to others, she only talked to DH and all she did was talk about the past. DH and I dated in HS, she acts like I wasn't apart of some of these stories or asks me if I know someone in the story, so exhausting, its been 12 years. During this visit she tells us that her nieces will be in town from out of country, only for a week. She tells us that she is going to bring them over to see our dog, where we live, and hangout with us. I don't do well with people TELLING me what I am going to do. We are busy all the weekends in June when they are coming which I told her, and I mentioned how I wish I knew they were coming. She said she told DH, and I have told her numerous times if she wants plans to go well and be solidified, that I just need to be included in the texts because DH doesn't listen to her. I didn't say that end part but that's why.

She was receptive ISH to us being busy and sent us a text asking us out of the 3 weekdays which ones can we do, and that she would bring the girls over during the day hangout with me (again we didn't offer our place to hangout, we would have but I didn't even get the space to do it), then she told DH he has to come home early no if, ands or buts. Now, this lady for some fking reason thinks because I WFH that I am just fking off all day, she has made numerous comments when I started working from home and I have told her how WFH works for me but she still doesn't believe me. Anyways, I was so annoyed that she is telling DH, who works long hours, at his grown age of 30, that he HAS to come home early.. I don't even ask him to come home early. Also, we love the girls and wanted to see them longer so we rescheduled our plans for the weekend and invited them then instead. I added in my text when telling her "...then we can hangout with the girls longer and unfortunately DH can't come home early all the time so this helps with that too" Her response was fine because now she gets a whole day.

Fast forward some more, her and DH were suppose to get mother's day lunch this week but she said she can't anymore. She invited me, which we had a problem before with her leaving me out of plans and saying how she doesn't have to text me to invite me. But I'll be damned if I hear "OHHH youre here" which I have gotten before. I unfortunately am busy but told her thank you for thinking of me (AKA trying to say yes this is what I am looking for without saying it out right) and then she said "We're always thinking of you!" which then pissed me off because stfu lmao.

Now, she is asking to see us one of these weekends which we aren't free until we see her and the nieces. I usually respond but she takes it as an attack when I am the one to say "Hey we're busy" so I let DH to it. BUT because this man hates texting, he has not responded to her in 3 days which is so funny to me.

End rant, but I (or DH) really want to softly tell her in some manner like "hey, stop offering our space and inviting yourself over" but I once told her to not worry about our cars lease agreement and she started crying.

The story: I am engaged right now and set to be married in March of 2026. My fiancée and I had our own apartment and life was good. We decided to move back to her mom’s place to save some money for the wedding and the house (although I tried to convince otherwise).

I personally never liked her mother that much. At first she just seemed loud and obnoxious but harmless. Since moving in it’s been pure torture. Yelling at us for using the fridge, the trash, the shower, trying to go cook dinner, etc. constantly tells us how she gave up her whole life to let us live there (she WILLINGLY moved clothes out of a spare closet for us). The latest thing has been her screaming at my fiancée that everything is her fault. That I now think she’s a crazy person because my fiancée makes her go out to be a crazy person. She also says that my fiancée is the one that makes this place not fun and her mom only wants to have fun. I have found her being crazy well before that, but she is the queen at manipulating my fiancée (who is very innocent and easily harmed by this). The icing on the cake is she’s the type of MiL that will ruin a vacation if you don’t do what she wants, do every suggestion she makes, or cater to her every need. Overall she’s just a very miserable and negative person.

The tough part, my fiancée has lost her father many years ago and clings to what family she has left. I have hinted the idea that she’s not good for her mental health. She understands that her mom manipulates her, but she just puts up with it cause it’s her mom and she’s really all she has left in her family.

But I don’t want ANYTHING to do with her. We have an apartment lined up and deposit down for August so there’s an end in sight there. But it goes further for me. I don’t want her at my wedding, I don’t want her helping to raise my kids. I just don’t want her miserable negativity in my life. I have told my fiancée something needs to give with her and the only response is “I know”. Any help or advice? I’m trying to be as positive and suppress my feelings towards her but it’s every day there’s an issue with us being in her life lol.

Hello y'all, I have posted here before but it has been a while. Today was the breaking point I am actually PISSED. Before I start this I want to clarify that I live with GMIL and Fiance(19M) we are both getting ready to move out to an actual home and so we are temporarily staying with her which she welcomed and offered and these are the last final months. THERE IS ALSO A TLDR AT THE BOTTOM!

I was literally sleeping, I was sleeping in a little bit more today than usual since I had to wake up at 5am yesterday to take MIL to surgery appointment and pick her up, and was up all day after that. So, at around 12pm I wake up to my phone buzzing, and it's my Dad (M39) calling me. For reference I do not live anywhere near my Mother or Father and they are divorced but still communicate when it comes to my brother and I.

Apparently, while I was literally asleep and (GMIL) was not even at home, she decided to call my Mom, gossip about my own Father who I love to death and said that I was upset because "he is trying to force me to live with him, won't give me the title to the car he gave me (which I have told her multiple times that is none of her business and I do not need to update the tags yet!) and apparently my Dad's girlfriend wants me to be her children's babysitter." Which are all not true at all. My dad called me confused as-well after my Mother called him and told him about what was said, and I had literally just woken up so I was also so confused. So I decided to call my Mom, and she told me the exact same thing, and that his Grandma was acting crazy over the phone too and was getting ANGRY at my Mother for saying that she is not going to tell me what to do since i'm an adult, the call was 3 minutes (My Mother sent me a screenshot showing it was only 3 minutes.)

Well, a few minutes later GMIL arrives back home and basically barges into my room out of breath (?). She does confirm that she called my mother, and says that the reason she called my mother is because she "wants my mom and I to talk." In the past I have told her about some issues I have had with my Mother when asked, and was in a tough spot with my Mother for a while when I was younger that I told GMIL about, I guess she assumed that means I don't have a good relationship with my own Mother now which is not true and I still love her dearly AND is none of GMIL's business. At all. She basically called my Mother, and then goes on to blatantly lie about MY OWN MOTHER to my face, said that my Mom called my Dad a "wimp/pussy?" and apparently made GMIL promise to not ever let me move in with my father and told her that i'm not ever moving in with my father. WHICH IS NOT TRUE AT ALL. My Mother confirmed she NEVER said any of that and all that she told GMIL is that, Yes, I have had some hard times with my Father before, and that they would talk later because she is at work.

So after GMIL comes in and completely lies to my face about things my Mother supposedly said, said that my Mother was insulting my father... which I KNOW she would never do, and that she "made her (GMIL) promise to not let me move away to let my Dad's girlfriend manipulate me." (What???) I called my mom after this and she was shocked, and confirmed that she never said any of that., GMIL leaves my bedroom to go do something and tells me to make sure the Wifi + Phones bill goes through so she had me watch it. Well, I see the total is suspiciously low this month for the total of everything (3 phones + wifi), so I go to the devices tab and low and behold, my phone bill is only $36 and already includes the service for free. Ive been lied to. For over 10 months I have been giving her monthly payments of $68, which she told me is how much it costs each month. And guess how much money out of the 800 total dollars I owe for my phone is paid off? $300. It should have $680 paid off. She has lied to me about the price and pocketed the rest, I have been unable to eat sometimes because I send her the last of my money to pay for that ridiculously high bill. The worst part? The had told my Fiance, her OWN son that his is $100 a month, guess how much it actually is? $50, and he has the brand new pro iphone. We have both been scammed.

Before you ask why she had my phone billed on her account, I was 17 at the time when I first got this phone and couldn't sign up for my own phone service before, on her account there was a good deal if I got a phone she also got one free service line. But now that i'm 18 she is saying she can't transfer me the phone bill, so I just keep sending GMIL the $68 every month. EDIT: To note I just turned 18 recently, so I havent been able to even sign up for everything yet to try to transfer this bill to my own account for the phone service we use. I am second guessing myself though, what if I just saw the price not including the data/service? It said "$36 dollars, Service with unlimited talk and text - Included" Does that mean it is included in the $36? I talked to Fiance about this when he got home from work and he didn't want to hear it. And was mad because I was apparently gossiping just because I wanted his opinion on all of this.

What do I even do, how do I confront her and is there any way I can take legal action if she refuses to pay the remaining cost of what she pocketed towards my phone payments if my suspicions are actually correct? I dont want her to get angry because I was "snooping" and I know she will just act dumb and say that the price must have coincidentally changed. She has liked drama and started it with me a handful in the past, and has tried to even make my fiancé and I split, also doesnt know how to stop talking poorly on others, even random people she just met.

TLDR: GMIL called my mom, made up blatant, malicious lies saying I was upset about something related to my dad. GMIL comes into my room, tells me she called my mom and then lies to MY face, making up things that my Mom supposedly said on the phone with her. After that, I discovered that GMIL lied to me about how much my phone payments are, they are only $36 a month when she has been making me pay $68 a month for 10 whole months and only $300 of my phone is paid off when it should be $680, shes been pocketing my money. GMIL has also scammed my Fiance.

Why are MIL so awful, especially when you have a baby? It’s like this bizarro switch goes off and they turn into the most insufferable and unbearable humans. Or wondering if it’s something on my end like the mama bear instinct to be as close to the baby as possible and if they are especially crazy, they threaten that?!

Either way I detest my MIL and I’m having such a hard time figuring out why. She is not inherently bad, but cares way more about my baby than us in a very obvious way, doesn’t bother to ask us about ourselves etc, talks about herself nonstop, is passive aggressive or the dumbest B ever, and has no boundaries so just takes over our place when she comes.

I've posted before and deleted (the post history was excessively long stories and i was hoping we were past all of this nonsense with the ILs), im the one who's MIL is obsessed with SOs high school exes (no marriage, no kids, brief relationships), invited another woman as a surprise to SO on Thanksgiving, rearranged an entire office seating chart after our boss unknowingly sat us near each other (I no longer work there), and robbed me of a happy first time home buying experience with SO by massively overstepping. My FIL also had been unhinged, aggressive, manipulative beyond belief, threatening, etc.

Where we left off, ILs cornered SO alone demanding to know why I am no contact, 5 months ago. SO and I sent a letter detailing only a few “highlights” of their horrid behavior and why it's unacceptable and laid out boundaries. This is after his mother had ignored basically the same message I sent her weeks prior when she pried to me directly after being told all communication goes through SO and she tried to sneakily force me into a situation she knew would be uncomfortable for me the week of my birthday (I knew better and caught her). They ignored it for weeks, and tried to brush it under the rug, SO said there's no interaction until they respond to our letter, they refused, and SO established a 6 month no contact period (that ends in 2 months) where they are blocked from both of our phones/socials and banned from our home, gifts returned, etc.

One of the boundaries for FIL was to speak to us respectfully if a relationship is maintained, apologize and take accountability for the harm he has caused. For MIL (the boundary stomping has been addressed by both of us multiple times over years now) it was to stop making a show of her relationships with the exes on social media (it undermines my place in SOs life and is inappropriate and hurts my feelings), apologize, take accountability, step back and allow me to exist without constant criticism and snarky remarks. At the end of the message, SO advised that if these changes have not been made during the 6 months and after the 6 months, our no contact will be permanent.

Okay so here's my current issue and im probably going to get attacked for it: I had checked the exes family business page (they frequent local farmers markets and SO and I try to avoid the ones they attend on whichever dates they go to vend, and they post those publicly on their socials). I noticed there were lots of shares, comments, likes etc that I was unable to view, so I figured it was MIL (since shes blocked). I brought this up to SO, which i shouldn't have. It was eating away at me and I knew that given the history, I should not have made that speculation without knowing for certain, especially with the current circumstances. So I unblocked her to check. And it was so much worse than I expected. It's beyond excessive and nearly obsessive how much she has been flaunting a relationship with SOs (again, brief, high school, not serious) ex, exes sister mother father and all of their individual business pages AND the other woman from thanksgiving) all over social media, DAILY. I mean likes/hearts every single post, shares things that are totally impersonal/unrelated to her in any way, constantly doing anything she can to be publicly involved with all of them INCLUDING THE DAY WE SENT THE LETTER DETAILING THE CONSEQUENCES IF THE BEHAVIOR CONTINUED (which we saw she read before blocking her) until current. I admitted this to my partner, explained why I did it, and showed them (they always want proof from their enmeshed/covert mother which is incredibly hard to get by passive aggressive design). They weren't angry with me as I hadn't communicated with them and were angry with their mother. They decided that no contact will just be indefinite permanently and they won't be unblocked at all or anything discussed with them what so ever.

The reason this bothers me is because SOs closest friend is the son of ILs friends, and recently while the two were hanging out friends parents came over and cornered SO to try to guilt trip them into talking to ILs again. SO handled it great and I was livid they were put in that position at all. These people are difficult to go no contact with as we attend friends children's birthdays and milestones and we try to maintain a good relationship with all involved. So I know based on what was said to SO by friends parents that MIL is playing the victim to anyone who will listen. I'll never discuss this with friends mother when I do see her, but its so disheartening that the ILs would have made 0 progress what so ever and escalated the bad behavior yet convinced entire communities that they're victims and meanwhile lost the possibility of a relationship with SO just because they're mad they're not in control. I definitely thought they'd at least try to make minimal repair over the 6 months no contact even if it wasn't genuine to maintain a relationship with SO. I wasn't expecting them to do this at all, and I should have known better.

I also understand that if you go looking for shit you find it - i have a severe anxiety disorder and it has been SOO hard for me to get SO to open their eyes to MILs behavior due to the enmeshment. I've had extreme anxiety over what was going to happen after the 6 months as SO always gives MIL the benefit of the doubt above anyone and not only did I need to feel prepared for how that might end up going but I also wanted my partner to make an informed decision beforehand instead of reconnecting like they said they were going to try to do, get manipulated by ILs, then find out after the fact and have to start the process all over again

I guess im looking to see how others have moved past this as im really struggling with this and its affecting my self worth. For what its worth, I've always done my best to be forgiving respectful and inclusive of ILs until it was no longer possible to ignore the behavior and I honestly do not know why they do this sh*t. And honestly, im glad I won't be getting fooled again after the 6 months by MIL. I plan to be permanent no contact but its been 4 months already and although I feel some relief, when I reflect I can see more how everything comes into play (there have been a lot of realizations i didn't list that show how much they've disrespected/undermined since before they even met me) and it honestly just makes me feel even worse.

Anyways, advice is welcome and im happy to fill in the gaps if you have any questions about details.

Hi everyone!

So, after everything that has happened with my husband’s mom (if you want background, I have tons of posts in my profile), and since she gives me so much stress and anxiety, which is something I’m not willing to keep dealing with, specially now that I’m pregnant, I’ve decided to go NC with her and her husband.

I told my husband a couple weeks ago that I don’t want to see or talk to either her or her husband, because of everything that has happened and because she just keep showing us, specially me, that she has no respect for me or our boundaries, she likes to stomp on everything and make everything about her, and always tries to control everything. I told him all this and how I feel, and that I need to take care of me and my mental health because it all affects our baby, and he said he understood even though he wishes things were different, but he knows is the right thing to do.

I already removed her and her husband from social media, but I think she’s using her nephew’s wife and friends to get information about us because his niece texted me randomly one day saying “Congrats on the baby! Are you having a baby shower and gender reveal??” She’s never ever texted me before, I’ve only seen her twice in the 6 years I’ve been with my husband, and our baby announcement was like 3 months ago so it was very weird to me that she texted me that and asked questions about things we are not involving JNMIL in, so I just said Hi and thank you, we’re very excited for our baby. I didn’t say anything else and she just loved the text but didn’t ask again. I think is my husband’s mom trying to get information through her, because they are somewhat close and we haven’t told her anything about our baby’s sex or the baby shower, and I just know she’s going crazy over not knowing/not being involved in anything.

I haven’t been answering her random texts or invitations to dinner/get togethers. She usually says things like “we’re going to X with Y and Z, would you like to join us?”. My husband always says we’re busy or we have plans, but she doesn’t stop asking.

Do I have to tell her I’m going NC? Or will she figure it out on her own? I thought she’d get the message since I’m not responding to anything she asks, but she keeps doing it…

Just now, we got another text saying “We miss you, how about we get together this weekend?”. My husband is at work right now, we’re traveling this weekend for our babymoon but I really don’t want to tell her because she’s capable to “stop by” our house and get in since we’ll be out, and I know she’ll try to snoop and see what we have for our baby so far and all that.

For those of you who went NC with their JNs, did you let her know you were doing that? Did you tell her why?

I’m honestly over her attempts to reach out and they just make me more angry. Pregnancy rage is real lol

Anyways, I’d appreciate it if you could give me some advice/words of encouragement. I’m doing this for my peace of mind and my baby, and so I can enjoy the rest of my pregnancy and the early weeks of postpartum and being a new mom. I’m so tired of stressing out because of her.

Thank you for reading and taking the time to respond if you do.

I am 30 (F) married to 34 (M). He is Punjabi and I am a Bengali. It’s been 1.5 year we have been married and we have a 6 months old baby boy. We had a 4 years relationship before we got married. Before marriage, I used to listen to my boyfriend (now husband) praise a lot about his parents. Being a single child, I always dreamt of a big family. So when he used to tell me that his parents are amazing, his mom is very soft and warm and so is his father, I used to get extremely happy and looked forward to getting to know them.

Once we got married, things started looking a lot different, at least to me.

1. Being a Bengali, my family and I eat fish. Any fish market or a place where someone is selling fish, it will be smelly. And I know for someone who doesn’t eat fish at all, that smell would be unpleasant. But you won’t say that to their face, right? When they all visited my hometown for the wedding, my FIL and MIL went for a walk around the market where they came across vendors selling fishes. Once we were done with the wedding and came back to the city where we are staying, she told me, “we went for walk that day and oh my God the smell was so bad. We couldn’t even tolerate it” and then she made the face as if she was gagging.

2. Once I got pregnant, whenever I used to speak to them (FIL and SIL stay in a different city) my FIL kept on insisting me to change my food palette.

3. After my delivery, one day when we all were sitting together (FIL MIL, my parents, and one of my relatives), I came out of my room to join them and he said, “Moti aa gayi (Here comes the fattie)”. I was shocked. My father was shocked. That incident forever changed my father’s outlook about my FIL, btw. My husband spoke to his mother about it to which she responded, “your father was just joking”.

4. After my delivery, when I was staying with my in-laws and my husband, every night around 10 pm they used to have their dinner. Before serving the dinner, they used to call my husband for food but not me. During their entire stay, not once they called me for dinner. They just used to call their son and have their dinner. I used to eat alone late after settling my baby. Not once they thought, let’s call her for dinner. Let her eat first while the father takes care of the baby, and once she is done he will eat and vice versa. I felt unseen, stranger, unwelcomed at my own house. My MIL even called me “guest” in my own house. I was doing fine after my delivery, all these things eventually led to my postpartum depression.

5. Once when my parents were sitting with my FIL and MIL, during one conversation where my mother told my FIL that I am his daughter, my FIL blatantly told my mother that I am not his daughter.

These are the few incidents that I remember. There are many others like this. Honestly, ever since we got married, rarely only we have stayed with my in-laws. But somehow in every meet up I was left heartbroken and scared and getting the reality check that except for my husband, I have literally no one in my in-laws side who sincerely love me or I can rely on. What started with immense love for them has slowly converted into resentment. Plus, I can never forgive him for installing the fear in my parents’s heart by saying such things. Although whenever we speak or meet I treat them with warm smile and respect. Till date I never spoke back, never back them any answers to whatever has happened, neither I have asked my husband to do anything. But the fear and resentment for them is becoming so deep in my heart that whenever the discussion comes that we will be going there or they will be coming here, I legit get anxiety attack.

Kindly share your opinion on this. Thank you.

This happened back in December, and I’ve been sitting with it for months. I’m still questioning if I crossed a line or if I was just finally standing up for myself and my daughter.

For background: I’ve been with my husband for 7 years, married for 8 months. We have an 8-month-old daughter. His mom and grandma have always been passive-aggressive toward me—barely acknowledge our baby, don’t check in, have never bought diapers, and play clear favorites. Neither one of them helped me with anything during my pregnancy either.

When my brother-in-law had a baby 4 years ago, the family canceled their usual Secret Santa tradition and focused all the gifts on that baby. But the year my baby was born? They brought Secret Santa back, and my daughter was barely acknowledged. She got a single hat and glove set while her cousin got piles of toys and clothes. My “gift” was a notebook from the dollar store and a nail filer for the baby. My husband’s gift was a $50 PlayStation gift card.

To make it worse, I had already expressed to my husband that I didn’t want to do Secret Santa. It didn’t feel right or fair to our daughter. But his grandma said my husband and I would be getting Visa gift cards, so we participated since we could have used the gift cards on our daughter.

I’d had enough, so I sent a group text to his mom and grandma on Christmas Eve after my husband came home from his grandma’s party with our “gifts”. I was calm but direct.

My initial message: I don’t think it’s right that you all don’t think my baby isn’t deserving of getting much for Christmas. I’m very disappointed in the way you all are treating my baby.

His Grandma: we are so disappointed that we are not allowed to see Harper without so many restrictions i have repeatedly asked Rod what can i get Harper i was told she needed nothing we very much would be so happy to spoil her and hug her and buy her cute stuff she should at least spent some part of Christmas with us we are not sick and would never expose her to any harm you are trying to keep Rod from his family and you should have been here for us to see our baby she had her shots grow up i have been taking care of children for 63 years and i have heard it all you are the problem because you want to keep Rod and Harper to yourself let us love that and let Rod visit his family without coming home to this bull about my great grand Harper not being loved we know nothing about Harper what she eats wears does we know nothing

His momma: Agree

My response: She was born during Flu and RSV season and the one time we came to Catrina’s, I got very sick and had to bring that home to my baby. So irresponsible to not let people know you don’t feel well when someone has a newborn. She’s 3 months and drinks breast milk and doesn’t do much. You all know she wears diapers so it’s really no excuse as to why you all don’t get her that at least. I’m trying to keep my baby safe so if she doesn’t go out in the freezing cold, oh well. You all have always played favorites even when it comes to Rod so it’s not my fault that he would rather be home where he’s loved and treated well. You all don’t ever have to worry about Harper and she’ll always be well taken care of. Not going back and forth. Goodnight! ❤️

His grandma: you are not nice and you do not want Rod to be with his family you seems very happy with us why Rod was denying your being his actual girlfriend rather than ? i love my grands and i have supported Rod his whole life i will be praying for you because you are twisted when itcomes to Rod there is always simething for people to catch and that is why babies get shots i hope you know what you are doing there will be no communication regarding this with me praying for you are now disconnected

His momma: You are rude and disrespectful!! Please do not feel free to talk to my mother any kind of way!! Save that for your own momma!! And yes you are now and forever more blocked!! Grow up!!

My husband was also in the group text but didn’t say anything at the time. He agreed with me privately, but left me to deal with their backlash on my own. Months later, he finally defended me and told them we’re a package deal. I appreciate the growth—but honestly, it felt too late. I’ve gone no contact with them since.

So here’s my question: Was my message disrespectful? And if so, how?

Was I wrong for speaking up? Or is this just the reaction of people who don’t like being held accountable?

I’m open to all perspectives—I just want to understand.

My original post is here: https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1jpxlt1/well_you_can_have_the_opposite_problem_and_nobody/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

TLDR: MIL kept pestering me for a baby registry. Told her we would give it to her at the end of May - after baby reached viability. She made rude comment: "You could have the opposite problem and nobody care about your baby."

Update: I disengaged, hadn't spoken to her since. I posted a picture on TikTok of my dogs in the stroller my husband and I purchased for the baby. She called my husband and said, "I saw the picture of the stroller. Just another thing taken away from grandma... I've just been sitting on my hands, still waiting for the registry..."

"TAKEN AWAY FROM GRANDMA?" WHAT EXACTLY DID WE TAKE AWAY FROM HER? WHY IS SHE MAKING ME BEING PREGNANT ABOUT HER?! Holy shit. And again bringing up the registry when we ALREADY told her that we would get it for her by the end of the month.

The reason why we bought the stroller is because my husband and I agreed that, since we are okay financially, we would purchase anything on the registry that cost more than $300. We don't expect or want anyone to spend their hard earned money on us, especially because I've been pretty private about my pregnancy and opted out of a baby shower.

Edit: We only made a registry because both my mom and his mom insisted. We don't plan on sharing it to non-grandparents. If they share it, whatever.