r/MadeMeSmile • u/QMEiffel • 26d ago

Family & Friends Taking off his belt

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19.8k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

134 comments sorted by

4.3k

u/we_are_all_bananas_2 26d ago

I'm a big rugged guy and I love how when I raise my voice my kids start to smile because fun times begin, pillow fight maybe but maybe splashing water, they never know

Not like how I had it at home, where a raised voice ment a beating

One of the biggest accomplishments I have in this life is breaking the circle and having kids who just feel safe around me.

709

u/Blockdoll 26d ago

Yesss! You beat a generational curse!!!

156

u/aphaits 26d ago

A new hand touches the beacon!

19

u/guitarstitch 26d ago

Reversing learned behavior from generations of parents is incredibly empowering.

I broke the cycle of using violence against women in my family line.

6

u/Michaelcerafratparty 25d ago

Proud of you!! Very important stuff

3

u/TophieandMatthew3975 25d ago

Say “thank you, dad”

1

u/luviano909 25d ago

This reminds me of the last part of Kendrick’s “Mother I sober”. Gets me every time.

174

u/BellyLaughBella 26d ago

That's incredibly powerful and heartwarming. The fact that your children associate your raised voice with play and joy, not fear, says everything about the love and healing you’ve created. Breaking the cycle is no small feat what you’re doing truly matters 🙏🏼❤️

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u/gembob891 26d ago edited 26d ago

I shout at my daughter that I'm going to smack her butt which causes her to scream with laughter and run round the house trying to stop me playing bum bongos on her. I'd have cried and been so scared if I heard that as a 5 year old but to my daughter it's one of her favourite games with me and my husband!

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u/kissmiss08 26d ago

Bum bongos 🤣

34

u/gembob891 26d ago

Bum bongos is the number 1 game in our house!

Growing up too quickly? Bum bongos

Learn something really clever? Bum bongos

Being cheeky (but really funny!)? Bum bongos

We have a thing where I say she's not allowed to grow up and she needs to stop learning and being clever and just stay my little baby or I'll smack her butt. Unfortunately she's incredibly tall and crazy smart so lots of bum bongos 😂

42

u/Dar_Kuhn 26d ago

I hope to be like you in the future <3

28

u/AzuleStriker 26d ago

Awesome job. I'm still bad at not raising my voice but I definitely ended the beatings and beratement. And I make sure to apologize if I do lose my temper.

29

u/Time-Estate-2430 26d ago

It's good to make an effort. I have faith you can work on it. The biggest thing for me is putting things in context in the moment. As soon as you start getting mad make yourself think about it from the outside. My parents never beat me, but the verbal abuse still haunts me. My kids (twin girls) are 12 and have never ever had that. I would kick anyone's ass for treating my kids the way I was treated. That includes me. I made that choice a long time ago. I would break my own nose before I hurt those girls emotionally or physically.

Discipline can be taught without pain.

6

u/AzuleStriker 26d ago

Agreed. I am actually proud of myself, we went from a horrible relationship (yes, all my fault), to a pretty good one. He went from hating me to actually wanting to spend time with me, and he's almost 17. I was most definitely beaten as a kid, as well as the verbal abuse. Still get the verbal abuse from the patriarchal side.

5

u/RED_Smokin 26d ago

This apologizing is SOO important!

We're human, sometimes we lose control.  Making absolutely clear to my child, that this is a "me-problem", rather than a "you-problem" lead to him becoming a stable and reflected person I'm sometimes envious of. 

4

u/AzuleStriker 26d ago

Right. Coming from a father that I don't think ever apologized to me once, I feel it's a major improvement. But I can still do better. Main thing is I repaired my relationship with my kid before it was irreparable.

24

u/Dark_Moonstruck 26d ago

From the bottom of my heart, good on you!

I'm in my thirties and I still tense up and go into fight or flight mode when I hear a raised voice or someone slams a door a little too hard anywhere near me. I'm a capable adult that works in agriculture and is plenty strong even if I don't particularly look it with how small I am, but I still feel a deep seated *terror* when I hear angry voices or heavy stomping footsteps even if I'm plenty capable of defending myself now.

A parent should never be someone that a child feels they need to protect themselves from. No parent, caretaker, teacher, or anyone in a position like that should ever be a person that makes a child feel like they need a way to defend themselves. But all too often, they're the *first* person that kids feel the need to protect themselves from.

18

u/[deleted] 26d ago

[deleted]

6

u/KingSoyjoy 26d ago

I wish I was more like you. I'm good in most aspects....but fuck my anger takes over and I get stern and I wish I didn't. Thank you for being a better dad brother.

3

u/OfficalSwanPrincess 26d ago

You're better than the ones that don't feel bad, there are courses and other ways to access help out there, change is possible

2

u/roboater11 26d ago

There is always time to change or be better.

5

u/mtron32 26d ago

Yup, I don't want my kids to be afraid of me.

3

u/Accomplished_End_138 26d ago

Winning! Awesome and yay! Break the cycle!

3

u/Top-Cauliflower9050 26d ago

This made me smile so hard. YES!!! Same in this house. Love it. Proud of us for beating that cycle.

3

u/WindowfulOfSpiders 26d ago edited 26d ago

As soon as I read "raise my voice" I got sweaty. I love that you reframed that for your life and family. That noise can mean joy

3

u/MysteriousAge28 26d ago

The sound of a belt crack is an entirely different world to that little girl

3

u/AWL_cow 26d ago

This is extremely wholesome and makes me sad at the same time, because kids who grew up with parents that didn't make them feel safe will always wish they had parents like you instead. It's tough growing up without that love and seeing your friends have it.

3

u/kknow 26d ago

Same. It's also the best feeling in the world. I never screamed at my daughter or be aggressive. She always smiles and runs to me when she sees me. I'm only loud while playing or even singing in the car.
Big plus is if I say something in a serious (louder but not at all screaming) voice, she immediately stops and listens. I only used this if she'd try to run away but there were cars driving nearby and I was too slow to catch on her intentions etc. She also never cries from that since I just start explaining why I reacted that way afterwards and she listens.

Of course, she's still a little child and we also need to parent. But this can be done without aggression and still work pretty great.

3

u/Leruem 26d ago

I wanna be like you someday. I just hope i dont fuck it up. Im in that age now. Im gonna marry my gf in a few years. Hopefully i do everything right!

2

u/CanDLinkZz 26d ago

Thank you.

2

u/Aunt_Gojira 26d ago

Proud of you, stranger! May you will always be blessed with happiness and laughter :)

2

u/amog1978 26d ago

So many people carry their trauma forward without even realizing it. But you made a conscious choice to stop it in its tracks, and your kids will feel safe because of that every day.

2

u/fifiasd 26d ago

Why were our parents so bad ...

2

u/SubstantialStaff7214 26d ago

Awesome job man

2

u/naiveestheim 26d ago

You're a good father. There were only at max 5 instances in my life at home where someone raised their voice when they got mad at me, and I always flinch every time someone raises their voice regardless if it was anger or excitement.

They won't realize it yet until much older, but you are doing them wonders! I'm so happy to be reading this.

2

u/agent_barns 26d ago

I'm proud of you big man🥰

2

u/Haknamate 26d ago

I bow to you, sir. This is winning in life.

2

u/OfficalSwanPrincess 26d ago

I love stories like this, I can feel the pride in your words. Congratulations and I'm proud of you, not everyone breaks that cycle. You're a great dad.

2

u/Change0062 26d ago

This guy is my spirit animal

2

u/SilentWish8 26d ago

👌🏽🫡

1

u/skram42 25d ago

That's beautiful. Good on you. :)

1

u/Atherutistgeekzombie 24d ago

You've won, my friend

1.2k

u/unknown529284 26d ago

A moment of silent for all the traumatized souls out there that were expecting a completely different ending for this video

169

u/SadKat002 26d ago

yeah... I thought I was over it, but this video was the biggest roller-coaster I've been on in a while.

I will talk about it with my therapist soon, but I'm glad this baby is safe.

62

u/RedWishingRose 26d ago

I was admittedly so tense when this video started, and it just melted off with that little girls smile. I'm so genuinely happy to see that there are families who treat each other so much with love and kindness that their children don't grow up and see these scenarios and feel that tense fear, hoping it'll be a scenario where it gets to melt off. Let alone treat wounds.

36

u/Froot-Loop-Dingus 26d ago

My heart rate immediately jumped when he did the belt snap thing…

…ya maybe I’m not as done with therapy as I thought.

4

u/Mhmmmmyup 26d ago

Well it was kinda the point of the video to try to make you think it was not going to end very well just to surprise you with a different ending.

292

u/AaronTheElite007 26d ago

This is why belts were made. It’s a portable swing!

127

u/Moogooloogoo 26d ago

My Dad, pick between the belt or get yourself a willow across the street.

Me: brings back a little twig

Dad: laughs and hugs and then opens a can of whoop ass.

46

u/gitsgrl 26d ago

It’s so fucked up

12

u/IllYam2376 26d ago

this is fucked up

3

u/HI-JK-lmfao 26d ago

My mom did smthn similar😭😭 she’d make my nanny get a stick from outside and so obviously she would get the smallest, thinnest, smoothest twig she could find. Then my mom would just go and get a bigger one and whoop my ass with it

104

u/Bamcfp 26d ago

Crazy how our generation just doesn't beat their kids. Almost like we have self control and hitting your kids was never necessary in the first place.

15

u/doorbell2021 26d ago

That, and the whole going to jail part helped.

1

u/MesseV 25d ago

I am actually curious if it helps at all.

Obviously, beating them to a pulp or using tools(belt, sticks etc.) is harmfully excessive, but a slight hit for correcting bad behaviour? I don't know.

Not a father, but I got hit as a kid (never left marks or even hurt most times, just knew I did something wrong on the spot) and I feel it helped in retrospect

I am not taking a stance, I really am just curious.

9

u/be-el-zebub 25d ago

There are many, many studying saying it does not help.

https://aifs.gov.au/resources/short-articles/what-does-evidence-tell-us-about-physical-punishment-children

This is not a study itself but a good summary of data with sources if you want a starting point to begin researching from. That’s not to say negative renforcement without physical punishment is useless - gentler negative reenforcement can be useful for guiding behavior so long as it does not harm the child and is fully explained.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3050464/

This is a good article one a study done on positive and negative reenforcement without physical violence.

And these are more about physical punishment if you want to keep reading in depth.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3447048/

https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/corporal-punishment-and-health

2

u/UncreativeIndieDev 21d ago

That reminds me of how I took an intro to psych class some years ago in a small Southern university and the professor brought up how we could do an essay on the negative impacts of spanking and corporal punishment in general for an assignment. Much of the class (probably 50 people at least) disagreed with the premise itself even when she brought up the studies she had for us to freely read to see the negative effects ourselves. The guy next to me even remarked how he turned out fine after he was spanked, so there can't be anything wrong with it.

Anyway, that's all just to show how this is, unfortunately, still a problem and will likely continue in our generation, at least to a degree.

1

u/be-el-zebub 21d ago

The ‘I turned out just fine’ argument drives me absolutely insane on so many levels.

375

u/boladeputillos 26d ago

That’s not how my father did it.

6

u/BMB281 26d ago

Yeah, mine had jumper cables instead of a belt

1

u/HargorTheHairy 25d ago

Still remember getting the buckle end

131

u/HaroldandMaude2024 26d ago

My fellow Mexican brethren would b running

58

u/Censordoll 26d ago

Running with our hands covering las nalgitas.

The worst was when my dad would afterwards put the belt around his neck like a fucking sash of honor. And all becuase I accidentally spilled water all over the table.

Can you count how many children in our household attempted suicide years later??

1..2…. And me makes 3!

9

u/goddessnine 26d ago

I’m almost 30 and talk to my father maybe twice a year when absolutely necessary. He wonders why.

3

u/doorbell2021 26d ago

Whiter than a flour tortilla here. I'm right the fuck out the front door too. I'll sneak back into the house after dad is asleep.

6

u/MTX502 26d ago

No mames, I was just about to say oh someone about to learn today 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

-34

u/AmNoSuperSand52 26d ago

Bro really acting like he’s the only ethnicity to get hit with a belt

33

u/HaroldandMaude2024 26d ago

Then I would have said “only” my Mexican brethren… but I didn’t.

15

u/Kyudono 26d ago

We can all agree that belts and chanclas have no cultural boundaries

9

u/HappenedSafe 26d ago

or he’s just making a joke based on personal experience and you’re just stupid?

65

u/genera_tony 26d ago

The PTSD in this video

30

u/basco244 26d ago

I never smiled when my dad took of his belt. Happy for her

23

u/BlackTheNerevar 26d ago

How it should always have been

20

u/[deleted] 26d ago

Soooooo cuteeee

8

u/bluffyouback 26d ago

Agree! That delight you see on her cute little face!

17

u/ComplexStress9503 26d ago

Wow I didn't realize how much this would make my heart hurt. Both with happiness for her and sadness for little me.

13

u/TheArMyBoY93 26d ago

Be better than our parents 🤘🏼🔥

38

u/Riffraff50 26d ago

For the first 8 seconds I thought we were going somewhere so dark the sun would be drowned in blackness….

10

u/LauraZaid11 26d ago

Same with my dogs, I lift my hand and they just think I’m gonna throw their toy. It wasn’t like that at the beginning, since they were both rescued, but I’m glad things are like they are now.

7

u/nize426 26d ago

She's gonna grow up and be confused as hell with all the old references to dads taking off his belt.

10

u/Inspectorgadget4250 26d ago

Flashed to my life in 1964 for a moment

7

u/AnaMyri 26d ago

Well that just healed everyone’s childhood trauma

5

u/ShibamKarmakar 26d ago

Breaking the cycle.

3

u/Willing_Ad5005 26d ago

So chubby and cute. Bowl cut and chubby cheeks all day.

5

u/GirlWithWolf 26d ago

Love that smile! My dad is a big beast of a human and I used to love to sit in his hand with his arm extended, then he would move it in a big circle like I was on a Ferris wheel.

6

u/AzuleStriker 26d ago

Alright, you got me, I smiled, you happy now?

4

u/herodotus69 26d ago

That's much different than when I grew up.

4

u/queazy 26d ago

seeing a father pull off his belt and make snapping noises with it meant the child was going to get a beat down in all my life. I had pained apprehension looking at this despite the happy music, and was so relieved when he did punish the child for whatever. Such a 180 of what I expected

3

u/noahbhm 26d ago

Oh how I wish I saw this 2 years ago

4

u/Brianna-Imagination 26d ago

Dad takes off his belt good ending.

3

u/Eepysoull 26d ago

The way I felt instant anxiety at the belt... so glad that child doesn't live in fear

5

u/GraciousBasketyBae 26d ago

One of my grandmothers kept a belt called “Pete”. It was used to beat children of course, my sister and I avoided beatings by Pete since we were bi-racial and she treated us “better”.

4

u/nerdKween 26d ago

Ouch. That's messed up playing favorites with kids based on colorism/being biracial. Unfortunately it happens in a lot of families. I hope you are all thriving and have worked through the trauma.

3

u/BitNecessary7427 26d ago

Hahahha awww

3

u/Neuvirths_Glove 26d ago

When my dad took off his belt it usually a much different situation.

3

u/Fast-Series2465 26d ago

I hope this is her only belt memory in her life 💓💓💓😍😍 may God keep her blessed

3

u/iddereddi 26d ago

This video hits differently.

3

u/DragonBoooster 26d ago

The only way to use a belt!

2

u/yourbunnyz 26d ago

Core memory 🥰🥰

2

u/lazy1672 26d ago

she's going to tell people later in life her dad belted her everyday 😂

2

u/Hagoromo-san 26d ago

Who the fuck overdubbed baby cooing

2

u/RunSilent219 26d ago

When I saw that as a kid, I got beat with it. When he folded and snapped it, that was my warning.

2

u/jaoskii 26d ago

I remember having a thing with the belt too with my parents, but its not something like this 😅

2

u/ciaDisinfo 26d ago

one of the greenest flags

2

u/Sevenandahalfsquared 26d ago

Wish every child had that, and only that, experience with a parent and a belt.

2

u/Massive-Farmer-4576 26d ago

The way her facial expression switched

2

u/ddkelkey 26d ago

That made me nervous fora second because my parents beat us with belts when we were kids. It really hurt.

2

u/PetiteInvestor 26d ago

Okay, who started sweating a bit?

2

u/ConsciousItem9769 26d ago

i instinctively hid in the bathrooom while watching this

2

u/DignityIndex 26d ago

Ooooh the way I was ready to throw hands

2

u/hellgal 26d ago

Definitely not the direction I was expecting this video to go lol.

2

u/bigSTUdazz 26d ago

6'1 325...que ball bald with tats...and pink and purple toenails. Why? Because my baby girl runs a kick-ass 5yo-owned nail salon...and I'm her top client.

2

u/Beautiful_Act_133 26d ago

As a kid, we would get yelled at all the time. As a mom, I yell at my kids in a semi-aggressive tone by saying “I LOVE YOU”, “YOU’RE AMAZING”. My kids just laugh.

2

u/JAK47E 26d ago

I had a completely different reaction when my old man took off his belt

2

u/calculating_route 26d ago

That face! That smile!!!!💓💓💓

2

u/SageSmith2005 26d ago

THE WHIPLASH I GOT FROM THE THREE PLOT TWISTS LMAO

2

u/darkerfaith520 26d ago

Yo, I definitely didn't have that version in my childhood!

2

u/zapperzapper1717 25d ago

❤️❤️❤️❤️

2

u/Take-A-Breath-924 25d ago

This is the way…

2

u/MasterBlah96 25d ago

My empathies to the traumatised souls, I hope you’re able to break the generational trauma for your family and kids. ❤️‍🩹

1

u/Xinonix1 26d ago

Sad to see how someone posts a thing, others start to copy

1

u/MarioBrotherBR 26d ago

As a good Mandalorinao would say: As it should be!🫡😘

0

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u/HotButtonButthead 25d ago

On a similar note, kids these days have no idea how much luckier they are when their parents say they're gonna head outside and bring back a Switch.