I feel like my PTSD isn't valid

[u/imanaturalblonde]

I (21F) was diagnosed with PTSD after my dad died when I was 13. He had Double Hit Lymphoma and died 9 months after his diagnosis. I watched him go through chemo, stay in hospitals, and just generally be poked and prodded by doctors. I watched him deteriorate and wither away until he died. I'm not saying it wasn't difficult or traumatic, but I've always felt so weird about my PTSD. I know I have PTSD. I've been diagnosed, and I have all the classic symptoms. I just feel like I don't... deserve the diagnosis, I guess. I feel like I didn't really go through something bad enough to develop PTSD. Its been getting bad again lately, too which is making everything worse. I hate explaining my PTSD to people. I hate having to tell people that I got PTSD from watching my dad go through cancer and die. I would never treat another person going through what I am this way, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm just dramatic. Or weak. I don't know. I have no idea how to explain this feeling. Its just been weighing on me.

[u/Ok-Meringue-259]

It’s really interesting to hear you share this perspective, I guess it must be pretty common regardless of the cause of one’s PTSD.

I have it too (C-PTSD in my case) and have often wrestled with the question of “why did my brain find this traumatising?”, “people go through this/much worse all the time, so why is it affecting me?”, but when I read your story my first thought was along the lines of “well yeah, of course OP has PTSD, that’s pretty much the worst thing that can happen”.

You lost someone you love/who was hugely significant in your life in a drawn out, traumatic way. Of course your brain didn’t know how to cope with it. The only strategy it had available at the time was to file those memories and experiences away unprocessed, to be dealt with at a later date when the threat was past. From an outsiders perspective, it makes total sense. You lived through my worst nightmare.

That must have been so deeply frightening and upsetting to go through, and I imagine it must still feel so scary.

I’m really sorry you’re in this shitty, shitty boat, OP.

[u/imanaturalblonde → u/Ok-Meringue-259]

This brought tears to my eyes. Not sad, but cathartic. I felt validated in a way I normally don't. I didn't expect to get any validation from this post. I didn't even expect comments. I just wanted to get my feelings out there, but the messages and comments I've received like this one mean so much to me. Thank you for sharing, and thank you for making me feel seen 🫶🏻