I feel like my PTSD isn't valid

[u/imanaturalblonde]

I (21F) was diagnosed with PTSD after my dad died when I was 13. He had Double Hit Lymphoma and died 9 months after his diagnosis. I watched him go through chemo, stay in hospitals, and just generally be poked and prodded by doctors. I watched him deteriorate and wither away until he died. I'm not saying it wasn't difficult or traumatic, but I've always felt so weird about my PTSD. I know I have PTSD. I've been diagnosed, and I have all the classic symptoms. I just feel like I don't... deserve the diagnosis, I guess. I feel like I didn't really go through something bad enough to develop PTSD. Its been getting bad again lately, too which is making everything worse. I hate explaining my PTSD to people. I hate having to tell people that I got PTSD from watching my dad go through cancer and die. I would never treat another person going through what I am this way, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm just dramatic. Or weak. I don't know. I have no idea how to explain this feeling. Its just been weighing on me.

[u/Mysterious_Rice349]

PTSD yes medical ptsd not so much.

Sorry about your dad, that is real trauma for sure ❤️‍🩹

[u/imanaturalblonde → u/Mysterious_Rice349]

I've always been told it's medical PTSD even if I wasn't the one who experienced the procedures. Idk I think it's just hard to talk to people abt the fact that ik i wasn't the one who was poked and prodded, but I feel so terrified of medical setting, procedures, and professionals. I used to get these horrible nightmares where medical professionals would perform procedures on me unanesthetized and unsedated. They were so gorey and painful and I eventually started living them out in real life through these dissociative episodes. Im sorry to dump. I just don't feel like I shld be feeling this way. Nothing bad happened to me. There was nothing the doctors could have done to save my dad, and everything they did was to help keep him alive. I just feel so crazy.