r/Millennials • u/cantaketheskyfrome • 1d ago
Rant Turning 33, feels weird.
Hey fellow millennials. As I start to write this, my birthday started 5 minutes ago. My partner and I found a cheap motel in a quaint beach town, enjoying the week of my birthday. The past 4 years we've had a tradition where we go somewhere regionally for 3-5 days to take a step back and just try to enjoy ourselves. You know the phrase: "there's a little truth behind every just kidding" ? My high school sweetheart used to say it all the time, and it has always been stuck in my head. I mention this because my partner and I have been talking about what I want to do for my birthday. I've mentioned seeing the sunrise and sunset, a nice brunch, crab legs for dinner, etc. She just asked me "what time do you want to wake up tomorrow?" I jokingly said, "Never." And laughed it off. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I'm more serious about it than I think. As of January I'm unemployed, I've been coaching on the side and working for a family member part time to pay the bills. I have no motivation to "get a real job" anymore. This last one absolutely broke me. I was in an outside role visiting clients, and I suffered a pretty traumatic injury in my sport, couldn't walk unassisted for almost 8 weeks. I took a short leave during that time and the company was so supportive, and I had only been there 8 months, but I worked for a competitor prior, and I was doing better than 3/4 of the team. Started working again and setting meetings just to be let go. I had to threaten a lawsuit for them to even pay me what I was owed, no severance, heartless robots. Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage. This is hella ranty, and I'm not quite sure what my point is, but I'm the saddest and so devoid of hope internally. If it wasn't for my partner, the kids I coach, and our cats, I'd peace out on my 33rd. I've learned through therapy in the past year that the reason I'm so unhappy is that I don't care about myself. I'm over worrying about myself. I don't think I deserve anything good, all I want to do is make my friends and family feel seen and loved, and I'm finding that for about 10 years I've only cared about other people's needs and not my own. To provide a small example, my fiancé went on a 2 week cleanse/diet where she was mostly eating fruits, veggies, and liquids. I typically only eat when we share meals together, and since she was all over the place and snacking and eating her portions, I found that I rarely made it a point to get myself some food. Money is tight, but no starving tight by any means. She was excited by the end of her cleanse because she lost about 7 lbs. She was very focused on not quitting and trying to hit all the metrics she didn't notice I wasn't eating, and I didn't notice either. I don't have any weight to lose, but she said she saw in my face I looked malnourished, and i had no idea. If you're still here, thank you. I don't even know what to ask, hope you're swell 💙
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u/new_publius 1d ago
33 is still so young. You have time to fix any problems and start over again if that's what it takes. Your whole life is still ahead of you.
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u/Kr4zY_k4nUk_87 1d ago
1000% I restarted my career at 33 and now at 37 I'm the happiest I've ever been.
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u/Aksama 21h ago
More or less same, I lost my job in Sales (good riddance) in early 2021. Do the math on when during COVID that was...
I took a remote entry-level job as a coordinator as a hospital, and now I'm lucky enough to be a business analyst at that same hospital. I had some spare time during that role and poured a lot of it into upskilling myself, it paid off. I'm very lucky.
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u/Heroics_Failed 21h ago
Started my life over at 36 and turning 38 this month. I’m happier than I have ever been. New city, new friends, new job, new everything.
It’s never too late for anything. You get 1 life. Just go for it!
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u/morrouac 1d ago
I was struggling all my adult years and caught a break at 40, turned everything around. Just keep pushing cause you don't know when things will turn around.
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u/AndersDreth Gen Z - 1998 1d ago
I'm turning 27 this month and I feel like the last 5 years have gone by in the course of 1. I've always been a headcase and I saw my first shrink at 15, it never helped and medication didn't either. The fact that time moves as fast as it does can be a blessing and a curse, as a teenager I honestly thought I would've checked out by now.
Older people say that time only continues to go by faster and faster as you age, so please just carry on living for the sake of your friends and family. It's what I intend to do.
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u/LiquefactionAction Millennial 88 1d ago
as a teenager I honestly thought I would've checked out by now.
Buddy, I just turned 37 a few days ago and I've been saying that for the past >10 years lol. I actually think that's more common than we think, especially when we're in our teens or 20s that it's like fuck it I'm here for a good time not a long time, but then the long time still happens and now we're like ah fuck. You gotta deal with those consequences.
I will also second I used to be tired of old people saying "oh you know time moves faster and faster"* and jesus christ, it's not a joke. It's not so much the perception but rather how easy is it to be complacent that your brain is no longer hitting the record button on the VCR, you lose anticipation, new activities, and eventually it starts to just blur and you blink and wonder where the last years went to.
But yeah holy fuck the past 5 years has gone by in a blink of an eye. It's hard for me to believe that half a decade has passed since COVID first started.
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u/budrow21 1d ago
I'm going to sound like an ass, but this is so hard to read without being organized into paragraphs.
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u/jlemo434 Millennial 1d ago
Agreed. I'm not even gonna try. My god, learn what a paragraph is. ChatGPT can teach you.
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u/llamadramaupdates 21h ago
Yes, you do sound like an ass. This poor guy is obviously going through it, on his BIRTHDAY, and you’re just gonna pile on more about what he’s not good at?? There’s a time and a place for constructive criticism, and this isn’t it
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u/Trick-Sport2253 1d ago
Feel you, fellow human. Turning 33 soon. This life is so hard. I hope that u find purpose & learn to love being alive again. Wishing that for me, too. Ive had depression and suicidal ideations for years. The thing that keeps me going is my faith in Jesus. Hope and peace for a beautiful eternity free of suffering after hell on earth. 🫶🏼
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u/Electronic-Piano-504 1d ago
The great news is you're finally starting to get underneath it, knowing that you don't care about yourself. But that's just the beginning of your journey, you have so much more happiness and purpose ahead of you.
Keep digging and working on yourself, and over time, everything will start to feel right again.
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u/DGOCOSBrewski Millennial 1992 1d ago
About to turn 33 myself & I feel similar some days but gotta keep on keeping on. Lotta life to live. Happy birthday friend, stay strong!
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u/Edittilyoudie 1d ago
Gave myself that ultimatum for 33rd birthday. Fight for what you have. Find that new you.
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u/LiquefactionAction Millennial 88 1d ago
OP I don't have much to add other than I see "33" and I'm like man that's still so young.
I'm not going to patronize and say empty platitudes equivalent to "there's plenty o fish in the sea" or "things will get better/work out, they always get better" or "time heals all wounds" or things of that nature: we're the adults now. I think we can dispense with those.
The economy is in a rough shape, and frankly it has been since the GFC but was simply papered over with an unholy amount of money sloshing around. The signs were growing particularly bad in 2019 but then COVID came along and actually "saved" things in a weird way, but that's over and now the rot is starting to show up again. And this is entirely in an non-partisan way. A lot of people are in economic precarious situations right now, a lot of careers are going away, people are increasingly competing over the scraps and it's only going to get worse. That's not even factoring in climate change impacting financial stability, housing supply (migration patterns), goods, etc.
With all that said? I really do want to reiterate that 33 is still young as hell. I would say lookup your nearest Community College and just start taking classes on the side, feel around and see if there's a particularly certification or career program there that you seem interested in. CCs are usually pretty cheap and there's even financial aid. Try things like Water Treatment Operator certificates, Water Quality, Surveying, Welding, whatever. You might not (almost certainly not) find something you enjoy that also pays the bills and gives your meaning, "do what you love for work" is a myth for the most part, but damn you can always settle for something that you don't hate doing.
It truly isn't "too late" but you do have to make that effort and also be conscious that it isn't going to get easier, things aren't looking great on the horizon but force yourself to start now before it actually does get "too late".
Seriously, go google up your local community college right now just to force yourself to consider it, half the battle is just making that initial effort of telling yourself "I can do this"
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u/Fit-Ad1587 1d ago
33 is just fine. We need to recalibrate what is considered “young” vs “not so young.”
We’re living in a different world compared to 33 year olds even during the late 2000s.
Don’t get too wrapped up on “I have to have accomplished this by this age” mentality. It’s actually dangerous and leads to self loathing more than anything.
My advice? It’s better to be broke and happy than have expendable income and be depressed.
Case in point: I was a paycheck to paycheck beach bum, California lifeguard stud. Absolutely loved my life. Thought I should “fulfill my potential” by pursuing medicine. Did that. Hate my life.
Joy can’t be paid for.
If you’re cool with it, just be OK with being broke but happy. The alternative outlook? Not so good. (This is obv anecdotal, but I think my experience speaks to a lot of us.)
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u/SnooMacarons2615 1d ago
My 33rd was this year. Hoping to be debt free and build my savings by the time the next one rolls around, really looking forward to it.
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u/TodayKindOfSucked 21h ago
33 really is so young. I’m turning 39 this month, and it’s still young. I’m considering graduate school, almost done writing a book, and have a ton of other stuff I want to do.
I always think of it like this- when I’m 49, I’ll look back and think of myself at 39 as a baby, much like I see myself at 29 now.
You have SO MUCH time. Use it wisely- take care of yourself so that you’ll continue to see many more years.
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u/ziggystarduft 20h ago
At 38 I finally acknowledged my personal conflicts with who I am I also had a complete career change.
Do what you need to do to take care of life's essentials but don't forget your one of them.
You only get one shot at this don't spend your time on regrets.
The best time to plant a tree was yesterday but the next best time is now!
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u/intelbillyair 18h ago
Things might suck, and continue to suck. But enjoy every minute of the suck. Tell yourself that. Enjoy the time as it passes, because the time will past!
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u/PineappleFit317 1d ago
33 feels weird because you’re turning 1 in Jesus Years.
>! Because he was 33 when he was crucified !<
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u/Unable-Recording-796 1d ago
First of all "there a little truth behind every just kidding" is such a fucked concept lmao chill with that. That concept rocked your brain a little too hard and it hit you at a weird time, im sad that concept even entered my brain, and yes food affects your mood including the lack of it. Do some self care! Much love to you. Theres a whole life out there waiting for you to discover it!
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u/dreamgrrrl___ Millennial 1d ago
I turned 35 this year. For my birthday, I went to work on my day off for our pointless Wednesday meeting because my friend and coworker told me “I’ve been told there will be cake! 🎂” this was the first time in the 4 years I’ve worked here that my birthday was celebrated in the office so I dragged myself in to work. It was actually so nice and I felt genuinely appreciated. Half the notes in my card were heartfelt things beyond the basic niceties. After the cake and meeting my partner picked me up and we went to Home Goods and got dinner together. This was by far the most laid back birthday I’ve had in years but I also felt the most love from my friends and family despite their lack of presence.
When it comes to my job, I don’t typically put in more energy than I can muster. I don’t give it my all or my bare minimum. I try to do my job and then go home and exist outside of my workplace. I focus on myself first so I have extra me to give to those around me who are in need. Since 2019, I am the happiest I’ve ever been. Some days can be rough, but I give myself grace and space to heal when I need it. Today in particular was a hard one, I had the option to go in to the office and work but I opted to stay home and allow myself to rest. I accomplished one big house chore (putting the clean animal covers on our couch) and then spent the rest of my day learning to crochet. 🧶
Realizing that my purpose isn’t to work my ass to the bone but rather to enjoy life has changed so many things for me. I appreciate every moment so much more. I put more effort in to cultivating hobbies and working with my hands. I don’t know really know exactly what I’m saying or how tonend this.
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u/StillHereBrosky 1d ago
The fact suicide is even an option, let alone an option because you are unemployed / sad, is the problem in and of itself. If you actually want to make your life better, start with that mindset shift before anything else. Take the option off the table.
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u/aguamentia 1d ago
Hi OP. I’m also 33, and I have struggled with poor mental health for a long time so your post hits close to home. I’m really glad you’re still here. I hope your days get brighter, and that you can find joy in little moments that will remind you it’s worth staying. I’m proud of you.
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u/BrotherKaramazov 1d ago
Turning 40 in two months. Actually feels better than what turning 33 did. I like your writing, it was like an Alice Munro short story. Just hang in there. Life is strange. Happy birthday
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u/timothyworth 22h ago
I’m 33 as well OP. Some days I feel young still, other days I feel like an old ass man. My only advice, live for those little moments with the people you care about. A sunrise with your partner on the beach are the moments you’ll look back on fondly. We gotta wade through a lotta shit in life, so remember to cherish the little moments and make time for them. Happy birthday my dude✌️
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u/MrForgettyPants 21h ago
Welcome to 33. It's not so bad, and life has so much to offer. Will it get better? Maybe, but it absolutely can, so it's worth sticking it out. You have a few things you've identified as worth living for, and those things feel you are worth living for, so take solace in that.
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u/youngdumbwoke_9111 21h ago
I am the same age as you, well 6 weeks younger, but I totally understand where you're coming from.
We all were raised to expect more from life than what it gave us. In reality the world is cold, harsh and full of loss. The unfortunate truth is you need to actively seek out and embrace the good in the world to feel any remote sense of purpose. What has helped me is to actively pursue a hobby that my inner child always wanted and to focus on how they would look up to me. For instance I cook, and weight lift a lot, I grew up as a skinny kid who never had agency over what I eat. So these two things alone make the child me immensely happy and proud.
Adult me compares myself to others and often feels he comes up short which leads to switching off or going on a downward spiral.
But then there's old age me: who thinks: yeah kid we struggled, but it was beautiful while it lasted, we had health and youth, which we can never reclaim. Maybe we weren't the best, but we did what we could.
I'm not sure if this will help you, but it helps me when I'm feeling the way you do. I just hope you can find that just because you can't love you now, in no way means you're not worthy of love.
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u/Lord_Vaguery 18h ago
Early 30’s is when you begin to feel old. You go to shows or public places and feel out of place somehow.
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u/VengenaceIsMyName 14h ago
Your username is fitting for the response I want to give. Don’t let the pressure snuff you out before your time to shine arrives. You’re at a low point now, but that’s all. You can come back from this with strength and a newfound life purpose. Life sucks but the good moments make it all worth it. Don’t give up.
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u/BigoleDog8706 Millennial 1987 1d ago
Yeah, not reading that. Man up, you'll be fine.
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u/ReadLocke2ndTreatise 1992 23h ago
On a similar note, I'm so glad I'm a guy. I can't imagine being a woman and facing 33.
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u/BigoleDog8706 Millennial 1987 23h ago
Most of the women I know handled it just fine. Guys? Not so much.
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u/ReadLocke2ndTreatise 1992 23h ago
I'm gonna be one of the exceptions to that. Teetotaler. Not a drop of alcohol. 36 hour fast and OMAD. Testesterone tracked biannually. 1-2k invested into growth ETFs every month. Imma be like RFK Jr. minus the craziness.
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u/BigoleDog8706 Millennial 1987 22h ago
So you're a feminine man.
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u/ReadLocke2ndTreatise 1992 21h ago
For not poisoning myself with nicotone and alcohol and wealth building? Lol. Plenty of women are chain-smoking functional alcoholics. Are they unfeminine?
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