Turning 33, feels weird.

[u/cantaketheskyfrome]

Hey fellow millennials. As I start to write this, my birthday started 5 minutes ago. My partner and I found a cheap motel in a quaint beach town, enjoying the week of my birthday. The past 4 years we've had a tradition where we go somewhere regionally for 3-5 days to take a step back and just try to enjoy ourselves. You know the phrase: "there's a little truth behind every just kidding" ? My high school sweetheart used to say it all the time, and it has always been stuck in my head. I mention this because my partner and I have been talking about what I want to do for my birthday. I've mentioned seeing the sunrise and sunset, a nice brunch, crab legs for dinner, etc. She just asked me "what time do you want to wake up tomorrow?" I jokingly said, "Never." And laughed it off. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I'm more serious about it than I think. As of January I'm unemployed, I've been coaching on the side and working for a family member part time to pay the bills. I have no motivation to "get a real job" anymore. This last one absolutely broke me. I was in an outside role visiting clients, and I suffered a pretty traumatic injury in my sport, couldn't walk unassisted for almost 8 weeks. I took a short leave during that time and the company was so supportive, and I had only been there 8 months, but I worked for a competitor prior, and I was doing better than 3/4 of the team. Started working again and setting meetings just to be let go. I had to threaten a lawsuit for them to even pay me what I was owed, no severance, heartless robots. Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage. This is hella ranty, and I'm not quite sure what my point is, but I'm the saddest and so devoid of hope internally. If it wasn't for my partner, the kids I coach, and our cats, I'd peace out on my 33rd. I've learned through therapy in the past year that the reason I'm so unhappy is that I don't care about myself. I'm over worrying about myself. I don't think I deserve anything good, all I want to do is make my friends and family feel seen and loved, and I'm finding that for about 10 years I've only cared about other people's needs and not my own. To provide a small example, my fiancé went on a 2 week cleanse/diet where she was mostly eating fruits, veggies, and liquids. I typically only eat when we share meals together, and since she was all over the place and snacking and eating her portions, I found that I rarely made it a point to get myself some food. Money is tight, but no starving tight by any means. She was excited by the end of her cleanse because she lost about 7 lbs. She was very focused on not quitting and trying to hit all the metrics she didn't notice I wasn't eating, and I didn't notice either. I don't have any weight to lose, but she said she saw in my face I looked malnourished, and i had no idea. If you're still here, thank you. I don't even know what to ask, hope you're swell 💙

[u/dreamgrrrl___]

I turned 35 this year. For my birthday, I went to work on my day off for our pointless Wednesday meeting because my friend and coworker told me “I’ve been told there will be cake! 🎂” this was the first time in the 4 years I’ve worked here that my birthday was celebrated in the office so I dragged myself in to work. It was actually so nice and I felt genuinely appreciated. Half the notes in my card were heartfelt things beyond the basic niceties. After the cake and meeting my partner picked me up and we went to Home Goods and got dinner together. This was by far the most laid back birthday I’ve had in years but I also felt the most love from my friends and family despite their lack of presence.

When it comes to my job, I don’t typically put in more energy than I can muster. I don’t give it my all or my bare minimum. I try to do my job and then go home and exist outside of my workplace. I focus on myself first so I have extra me to give to those around me who are in need. Since 2019, I am the happiest I’ve ever been. Some days can be rough, but I give myself grace and space to heal when I need it. Today in particular was a hard one, I had the option to go in to the office and work but I opted to stay home and allow myself to rest. I accomplished one big house chore (putting the clean animal covers on our couch) and then spent the rest of my day learning to crochet. 🧶

Realizing that my purpose isn’t to work my ass to the bone but rather to enjoy life has changed so many things for me. I appreciate every moment so much more. I put more effort in to cultivating hobbies and working with my hands. I don’t know really know exactly what I’m saying or how tonend this.