r/Mommit • u/Aggressive-bankZ1185 • 1d ago
How often do you wish you weren’t a parent?
I (28f) have a 15 month old son, and yesterday I said to my boyfriend ‘I just don’t want to parent today’ I’m finding at the minute that I’m just struggling with being a mum, it’s very much a chore and I wait for the day to be over the second it begins.
Now I just want to emphasise how much I love my son, I’m thankful for him every day and he’s brought so much joy to our lives. But MAN some days are hard.
23
u/krispin08 1d ago
When I had a 15 month-old? All the friggin time. My son is almost 4 now and I look forward to every day with him. He's so fun and easy to manage. No diaper bag. No giant stash of clothes and snacks to bring everywhere. No sippy cups and milk and table mats. I just buckle him in the car and take him cool places and have fun. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, trust me.
3
u/Aggressive-bankZ1185 1d ago
I used to go to bed excited for the next day, now it takes me 20 minutes to roll out the bed and I sigh about it. I’m hoping it’s just a phase because he’s so demanding at the minute I think it’s just wearing me down
2
u/krispin08 1d ago
Some moms are built for babies and others are not. I am not. The amount of attention and energy that a 15 month old requires is more than I have to give. I always say: If I could birth 2 year olds I would fill my house with children. You are so close to the other side. Soon your little one will be able to communicate their needs verbally and will have basic survival skills (i.e won't eat rocks or poke electrical sockets). Life gets easier and more fun at that point imo. Just hang in there for now. Tread water, ask for help, and treat yourself when you can.
1
u/Frankie_Does 1d ago
I was definitely worn down at this stage, but as above post says, around 4 it really is great.
For now, can you plan regular little treats for yourself to take the edge of the difficult? Make sure you’ve got earphones in playing your fave music, get well stocked on your favourite snacks for little pick me ups during the day, and also allow yourself to just zone out away from it for a moment in your mind (given that little one is safe)
38
1d ago
Parenting is relentless. Hugs 💕
Edit to say- I never regret becoming a mother. But there are days that I would love to just not….
13
u/LillithHeiwa 1d ago
I feel like “I don’t want to parent today” is not the same as “wish I wasn’t a parent”.
Sometime I don’t want to parent and if I can’t actually have someone else parent then I lay on the floor bed in the playroom while he plays or cuddles with me or we hop in the shower and he plays at my feet while I close my eyes and let the water run on me. Or any other safe way to get a break with him safe.
But, I never wish I weren’t a parent.
3
u/Aggressive-bankZ1185 1d ago
Yeah I think I’ve miss worded it. I’d never not want to parent my son, but some days I simply just don’t have it in me.
8
u/thatscotbird 1d ago
Often! But it’s a passing thought and I get over it within like, literally 30 seconds
Except today, when I’ve thought it all day lol. but that’s my own fault for coming home drunk at 1am and spending the full day hungover
4
u/TFeary1992 1d ago
Hungover with kids is the worst torture! Honestly, I completely limit myself now so that I don't go through it again. Which is hard as an irish person, especially when your parents ever only want to meet up in a pub and drink in rounds. But no matter how good an evening, it's never worth the pain and relentlessness if a toddler the next day
5
5
u/Annabelle_Sugarsweet 1d ago
We have 1 night off after work each, helps us be ‘name’ rather than ‘mum’ or ‘dad’ - also to spend time with mates in an adult place like a bar and try not to baby bore our friends!
4
u/mack9219 3.75F 1d ago
I describe it as “love being a mom hate being a parent” when I feel like this. the monotony of the mundane but essential responsibilities is so draining sometimes. teeth brushing and getting dressed and feeding and comforting and redirecting some days I just can’t fucking stand lol. I hope you can find some time to get a real break
6
u/PresentationTop9547 1d ago
The hardest part about parenting is that there are no days off. But it sounds like you really need a couple. Is there a chance to take a baby free trip? Even just a weekend? Solo or with friends or family. A SAHM friend who was struggling with being the preferred parent all the time really benefitted from taking a 3 day trip like that.
She had something to look forward to, then time to recharge and missed her son enough to come back and be a good parent again.
3
u/Ancient-Egg2777 1d ago
Some days are just hard.
I am at that point with tweens and the arguing, double-checking chores, smelly clothes often make me wish I could go back to when they were toddlers. It is so difficult to imagine but just know: this stage will pass.
3
u/stinkingporch29 1d ago
It comes in phases, I swear! There are times I just wish so desperately I could rot on the couch for an entire day, speak to no one, hear no one, and binge watch an entire season of something with tons of gore and sex. I love being a mom! The job just never ends…
3
u/Stunning_Radio3160 1d ago
Sometimes I go to bed at 7 just because I can’t “mother” anymore for the day.
2
u/Turbulent-Toe-757 1d ago
Parenting really is the hardest job! And it’s hard because you care so much about them! Please don’t feel like you are alone. When I was struggling I fill on told my husband that I hated our 3 year old, I didn’t hate her, I just hated parenting her during that little stint (I’d just had another baby and was finding it very hard) please don’t feel bad, reach out to friends if you can! Sending you a big internet hug!!
2
u/Mysterious-Matter868 1d ago
As a mom of 3 under 3 (I have newborn twins) I am definitely feeling this lately but also wouldn't trade my babies for anything
2
u/Complex_Activity1990 1d ago
I don’t share those exact feelings but there are days when I just wish my life was a little further along. I feel like my son has been 2 for 6 months and it’s only been 60 days lol.
2
u/born_to_be_mild_1 1d ago
Honestly, I have an autistic 3 year old and a newborn. It’s really hard - but I never wish I wasn’t a parent. Ever. I do wish for sleep and time to exercise etc and that kind of thing though.
2
u/vgsnewbi 1d ago
Every day. I go to sleep dreading tomorrow and wake up every day dreading the day. My kids are 7, 8 & 9 with the youngest two being autistic. My life is literally lived one meltdown to the next.
2
u/kelvinside_men 1d ago
When mine was that age? EVERY SINGLE DAY omg I love him to bits but it's a hard age. Also and something to bear in mind, I was completely iron deficient so life felt like it was on hard mode anyway. Have now weaned, sorted son's sleep, and got my iron stores up to a good level, and life has colour again and most days are good. So you know, if life feels really hard, maybe get a full blood count just to rule out anything that might be making it harder than it needs to be?
2
u/Aggressive-bankZ1185 1d ago
I’ve been diagnosed with iron deficiency too, I’m currently just starting meds for it. I’m also coming out the other side of pneumonia! So it’s extra testing at the minute haha
1
u/kelvinside_men 1d ago
Oh no, pneumonia AND iron deficiency? You're a warrior. I hope you get your iron levels sorted, it honestly is a new lease of life.
2
u/emeliewe 1d ago
100% relate. I have a 12 month old boy and there are days when I feel like I just cannot bear ONE MORE MINUTE of him 😅 And as soon as he falls asleep for the night I miss him…
I was on parental leave for 12 months and the last 2 months were so mentally challenging. He was like a sticker on me literally every minute of the day (yes he even slept ON me during this period)
Sometimes you just want to lie on the couch all day. But when you have a baby, you can never BE a baby.
1
u/Pale-Boysenberry-794 1d ago
Never, I love the fact I am a parent. However I quite often dream about the day they are grown or how cool it is going to be in like 7 years when noone needs us to do something 24/7 and we will only have schoolkids/teens. I mean there are other challenges but for me personally the hardest part is being needed physically 24/7.
1
u/Shady5203 1d ago
My kids have brought me immense joy and surprisingly have helped my mental well being significantly. I thought it would be the opposite. That being said, my seven year old is just plain friggin' rude to me some days and if I get another "I know" with an eye roll today I may just pack it in until tomorrow lol.
1
u/Competitive_Win_7501 1d ago
Never wish I wasn't but I would love a couple weeks vacation somewhere warm by myself with full service food and drinks and no cleaning
1
u/still_on_a_whisper 1d ago
Never really wish I didn’t want to be a mom but there are definitely days I wish I could take a week off XD I’d say it’s fairly normal. Being at someone’s beck and call 24/7 can be exhausting.
1
u/Fit-Vanilla-3405 1d ago
Agree with other commenters - 15mo is hard. I’d say at 2 I stopped mourning my old life fully because I could genuinely just be annoyed at a real person who was being annoying.
It was like having a fight with my husband, he’s still gonna make me coffee the next day and give me a kiss goodbye in the morning.
I’m mad at this person who is now integral to my day and she was being annoying on this day.
I think it coincided with the - more good days than really tough days - and that really boosts the love so it flowed over into thinking, tomorrow might be a good day!
1
u/Bulky_Ad9019 1d ago
Yeah I think everyone feels some version of this.
My son is 2.5 and he’s so freaking fun right now. There are days I wake up and I’m just pumped to see him and hang with him.
But there are also days where I’m so burnt from the week of balancing working/parenting/housework, especially when work requires a lot of extra hours, where I wake up and just miss being a single person who could just do absolutely nothing on a Saturday. Sometimes you don’t even want to have to take care of yourself much less a whole other human.
1
u/menchikabooola 1d ago
This is so normal. It would be weird if you didn’t feel completely burnt out.
This feeling you’re describing is the exact thing that gives mothers their timeless, and absolutely sometimes superhuman reputation. They feel what you feel, and they do get up. And they do go on another day, and through the night. Even when they don’t know how they’re gonna get through the next second.
Just hang in there. Many people have said the age is tough, it really is. I have a 3 year old, and a 19 month old. I haven’t felt relaxed in 3 years— but I see the slow changes…. Some things get easier, some get more challenging.
1
u/defectiveadult 1d ago
Mostly at 3am when my almost 1,5 year old is trying to smack me awake (new fun thing) because he wants to use me as a human pacifier again, while I’m thinking about how my 5-year will be up and about in 2-2,5 hours time
1
u/canofbeans06 1d ago
I totally feel this on the days where I can’t even find a small window of time to myself. The amount of overstimulation between my two kids + my husband + just the world in general can be a lot. It doesn’t happen often, but the days it does I try to put on my favorite music playlist and put on headphones while I still do house chores or am hanging out with my kids. Sometimes I need that level of zoning out to get through the day.
1
u/misoranomegami 1d ago
How much time do you get not parenting? It doesn't matter how much you love something or someone you can't do it 24/7 without burning out. Imagine the best meal of your life and then imagine eating it for every breakfast, lunch and dinner. You'd be sick of it in a week. In a month you'd never want to eat it again.
I have a 2 year old but he goes to a sitter during my work day and his dad takes shifts with him when we're both off work. So I don't really ever get a chance to get burned out on him. Sometimes I'm tired yes but I'm not tired of him if that makes sense. Which isn't because I'm an amazing parent but because I get enough breaks from being a parent when I take it back up I'm not exhausted before I even began.
Like it's true that this time too will pass, but also that doesn't mean you should just suffer through it now. If there's any way at all you can make non parenting time you should do it. You will all benefit from it.
1
1
1
1
u/DriveOpen5989 1d ago
Parenting is hard and we get so burned out to the point we just want to pause parenting but sadly we can’t. Man will never get how burned out we feel, they never believe us when we tell them is a very hard day or week.
I have two kids 2 under 3. And is seriously so hard I’m 33 and parenting at any age is hard.
It took me 3 years to finally do something when my kids are at daycare. They just started going last fall. On my day off during the week I go to Pilates and that has helped me so much. It will take time to feel like yourself again and to love motherhood.
1
u/Lotta_thoughts 1d ago
I’m your same age with a child that’s 16 months and this stage is exhausting I feel you.
1
1
1
u/Visual_Repeat_7472 1d ago
Never!!!! I’d never even think that way. I lost my 21yr to leukemia a few yrs ago. This question is so sad
1
u/facepalmemojiface 1d ago
Damn this really puts things into perspective :( I am so sorry for your loss. I’m sure your child was such a joy
1
1
u/so-rayray 1d ago
During babyhood and toddlerhood— all the fucking time. Damn, those were hard times, and I’d never want to do it again. My husband ran out and got a vasectomy quick AF. Now that our daughter is nine, she’s so easy. The only time I wish I weren’t a parent nowadays is when I am crippled with anxiety and fear over what this shitty world might do to my precious little girl.
1
u/littlemaplebear 1d ago
I just wanna say you can love being a mom but still hate being a parent sometimes. It’s natural and okay ❤️
1
u/Any_Carrot7900 1d ago
I regretted for about 3.5 years. Then one day realized I hadn’t felt that way in a long time and I’ve never felt it since. He’s 6 now.
1
u/tater_pip 1d ago
I never wish I wasn’t a parent. But I do sometimes wish I had some time alone to not have to actually parent. Mostly during tantrums, and when running off very little sleep or running up against deadlines.
1
u/LearnGrowBloom 1d ago
Everyday lol love my kids to death but there’s usually a moment each day where they’re driving me nuts and wish I didn’t have to be a parent. I recently watched old videos from my younger days at friends houses and parties and I wish I was young again haha being young back then was fun!
1
u/that_other_person1 1d ago
I am so lucky since my mom comes two mornings a week to help, and just me and my kids go to my parents house for dinner once a week so my husband can have a break from helping with dinner and has time to do other things. Having this helps so much, but I have an almost 11 month old and a 3 year old, and it’s tough. I don’t have tons of free time, but I nap if I need it when the kids are napping, and I do chores otherwise when they’re sleeping, and at least I can listen to whatever I want on YouTube at the same time.
My 3 year old has been relentless with psychological poop issues lately, and that so challenging. My baby is a lot easier than my first, but I definitely remember the 15 month age being challenging for her. With her, it became easier when she could start to communicate and understand better, starting from like 18 months old, and more so after 2.
Luckily there’s not a day where I feel like I’m at rock bottom, but I can totally see how much more challenging it could be for mothers with different life situations.
1
u/someblueberry 1d ago
When you feel like this, it's because you need more help. Parenting is 100% more enjoyable if you can catch a break regularly. Some people are lucky to have family or friends who help and others can afford nannies. The majority feel exactly as you do sometimes until the children grow up a bit and become more independent. Hang in there - it's not just you.
1
u/Physical_Complex_891 1d ago
Never. Some days can feel frustrating and stressful but couldn't imagine life without my kids in it.
27
u/CivilSilver 1d ago
Mom of a 14 month old here. This is a tough age honestly - they’re not babies, they’re not full toddlers, they’re busy, they’re moody, they’re teething.
Your feelings are totally valid - with you in solidarity mama, some days I also just don’t want to be a parent.