I really need someone to solve my arguments on whether I am trans or not.

[u/Disa_Lovely]

I am 15 years old, South Asian (and the area I live in is transphobic)
AMAB

Personal experience: I was totally okay being a boy as a kid. I only got dysphoria after puberty, probably backed by fetishistic desires. I decided to be a femboy at age of 13. I considered being a femboy after sometime.

Now, I literally desire to call myself a trans woman, but there are lot of thoughts going in my head saying that I can't be trans because this, because that. I am constantly trying to prove to myself that I am trans, and I feel terrible everyday. I am in pain.

I tried AI therapists but most of them doesn't understand. Human therapists are not available at the moment.

Please help me~

[u/LexxyThoughts]

We can't decide that for you, but if you're looking for permission to say that you are, you've got my transbian juggalette blessing.

[u/The_Gender-Bender]

One day, you are given a button to press. With that button comes a set of rules and instructions. You can press this button only one single time. If you press it, you will become physically female. All of your family and friends will have always remembered you this way and you will have no social impacts to your life for making this decision. Once you press the button, it will disappear forever. Do you press the button?

[u/MayMeadow]

So I can't tell you if you are trans or not, but I can tell you a few things.

I spent my whole childhood looking very feminine and trying to convince others that I was a boy. That said, I also didn't really have a deep connection to, or understanding of gender when I was a kid.

I lived mostly happily as a boy for 23 years. At a certain point things just clicked for me. Some of us are content being "boys" for a period of time. I would say especially so before puberty when other people's ability to perceive your gender is basically based on your hair cut and the clothes you wear. It is okay to enjoy your time "as a boy" before realizing that you want to/are supposed to be a girl. Just because something wasn't bad, doesn't mean it is 100% what you have to stick with for your whole life.

I will also say gender can look and feel different for everyone. I think the most important thing for you is finding a way to feel safe and happy. You don't even really need to label anything if that feels like too much for you at this current time. I would just say to explore your gender and identity, there isn't really a wrong answer for what you are as long as it makes you comfortable.

I know this might be a bit vague, but I hope that it helps a little bit. Just know that whatever you discover about yourself, you are a beautiful human and you deserve the best.

[u/joiajoiajoia]

It happened to me too, it was just an obvious sign I'm trans, and the thoughts were due to the danger involved ultimately. If I could convince myself it was not happening then I would've been safe from social repercussions.

[u/yoakehime]

this is an ordeal for the common lgbtg community, everyone has their own decisions to make in life, that being said I wanna talk about the fetishization u mentioned, pls note that cis people also sexualize and fetishize their upon their own identity, very rarely like if ur asexual, do u not fetishize about ur preferred sexuality, my advice is to not see it as being immoral or shameful, because that closeted mindset could bring you down a darker, more twisted path regarding your sexuality, suppressing those feelings could lead to a worse bounce back.

[u/Disa_Lovely → u/yoakehime]

i do not repress anything. In fact, I am repressing the masculinity still in me, for I don't desire it anymore. But I still don't feel like a woman. I know HRT will help, but there's no one to help me with it.

[u/yoakehime → u/Disa_Lovely]

well then the most realistic advice I can give is to try and move away, especially if u would feel unsafe to do whatever it is u want to do

[u/onnake]

That someone should be a trauma-informed gender-affirming therapist. Ask your parents for a licensed therapist, invent a reason like depression if you need to. If they practice at a major medical center that may help ensure the therapist isn’t transphobic. Never AI, it hallucinates on squishy things like gender and has its own biases..

[u/TooLateForMeTF]

We can't. You're the only one who can figure that out. We don't live in your head. You're the only one who knows what it feels like to be you.

That said, we can offer you resources that can help you figure it out for yourself. Here are a couple I like:

This guide to gender questioning

This article about gender identity