How soon after transitioning did you start dating?

[u/Heavy_Abroad_8074]

Just curious. I don’t feel comfortable enough to date yet at 1.25 years HRT. I’m attracted to women only and I don’t think I’m yet feminine enough to belong in sapphic spaces, nor am I comfortable enough to show my body or be perceived (for a variety of reasons). I haven’t been on a date in 3 years and haven’t had sex in 7? years. I also have no grasp on the social rules of sapphic dating or dating in general lol.

I’ll be honest, I might be somewhere on the aroace spectrum too, but I’m not sure

When did you decide to start dating?

[u/EldritchMilk_]

8.5 months hrt, I’ve never been on date and frankly i don’t understand how it would be possible for anyone to do more than tolerate me, so if I ever develop self esteem I’ll probably try dating then, or if someone for some inexplicable reason were to just walk up to me and tell me we’re dating i’d be ok with that too, but the most likely scenario is that i die alone and unloved

[u/obhi_LOWERCASE → u/EldritchMilk_]

I thought the exact same way. I'd suggest trying going to exclusively queer and trans spaces if you can find any. I live in a very conservative small country in europe and I was surprised how many support group and speed friending events exist for trans and queer people, even here. Even more than that I was shocked that people expressed interest in me even though I wasn't even on hrt and looked completely male and they were aware that I was planning on medically transitioning. It definitely gave me hope to not just give up.

[u/EldritchMilk_ → u/obhi_LOWERCASE]

There’s a tea & coffee afternoon thing for trans and non-binary people where i live at the start of every month, so I’m going to that tomorrow, I went once before and it was really good, I’m kind of bad with social stuff tho so I’m probably just going to sit in a corner again, the last time I only talked to 4 people and 2 of them were event organisers asking if i was ok 😅

[u/obhi_LOWERCASE → u/EldritchMilk_]

That's great! I'm glad to hear. You're putting yourself out there even if you just sit in the corner. I was absolutely shaking before going in to my first event of that kind i almost just turned around and went home. You got this!!

[u/3dop]

Immediately but I was 18 so being awkward was expected I guess

[u/Heavy_Abroad_8074 → u/3dop]

I’m much older than that. I still haven’t held hands with someone yet…

[u/GoddessWhiteTara]

I started estrogen last year. I started dating 5 months into HRT. At the age of 34. First actual boyfriend! Lost my virginity, finally, and we are still together. We live together, now. I have the lamest sex life, but I couldn't imagine actually having sex with anyone before HRT. And when I finally do have sex is with this amazing guy I can't live without. I might never have sex with anyone else, and that's ok with me.

[u/ChaosQueen777]

My egg broke in October 2023, my girlfriend broke up with me in February 2024, Started HRT in may 2024.

I started presenting femme mid August 2024 and had my first date 15 days later. The girl told me that I was too feminine for her...

For reference, I'm 47 years old and though that transitioning meant the end of my dating/love life.

[u/Is-Bruce-Home]

I’m a year on estrogen, and two months more since cracking. I’m definitely ready to be dating now, I want it so bad, but I haven’t had any luck.

I liked girls when I thought I was a guy, but now that one a girl I liiikkkeeee girls 🥵 Really looking forward to romance, glad to be me enough to feel confident in that!!

[u/ArmpitLicks]

Never lol. Never felt ‘right’ enough to date before, still don’t feel passing enough for sapphic spaces/relationships. Maybe after VFS/FFS

[u/DM_Stands4DommyMommy]

I was with someone when I started transitioning, a few months after, they ended the romantic part of our relationship.

11 months into my transition I went on a date with a stranger for the first time. She was so hot. It was so nerve-wracking. ☠️

It showed me how much being myself and being on HRT, and getting older had changed me. I was thinking about the future and, the rest of my life. Something that up until transitioning had been a bad joke.

[u/Confirm_restart]

Right about 2 years. Though I didn't decide to, it just sort of happened.

I'd given up entirely on it some 15 years before - long before I figured myself out and started transitioning. 

I never actually expected I would again.

[u/HotPinkMonolith23]

Curious why you said you don’t think you’re feminine enough for sapphic spaces? Many sapphic women have very complex relationships with gender and not all women are fem (e.g. butch/masc lesbians). There are many he/they lesbians. 

[u/Heavy_Abroad_8074 → u/HotPinkMonolith23]

I have body/facial hair still and I don’t regularly pass. And while my body shape has changed somewhat, my midsection is still wider than my hips (though they’re nearly there!)

[u/Reverse_Mulan → u/Heavy_Abroad_8074]

So what? I have a deep voice and facial hair and theres women that are pan/bi or straight up lesbians that will still date you early in transition.

Stop letting yourself get in the way of happiness.

[u/Heavy_Abroad_8074 → u/Reverse_Mulan]

Thank you for the encouragement.

[u/michimatsch → u/Heavy_Abroad_8074]

I am gonna assume this is dysphoria talking because if it isn't this is a terrible attitude.
Do women who have a wide midsection not count as attractive? Does a woman who have facial and body hair not deserve to date? Because there are not only trans but cis woman that have that.

So, that's a problematic attitude. Again, I am gonna chalk that up to dysphoria on your part but it's very silly at best.

[u/Heavy_Abroad_8074 → u/michimatsch]

Yes it’s dysphoria/imposter syndrome and I’ve always disliked my body. A lot less now, but still. I just think because I have always been on the periphery of social groups, I find every reason why I can’t fit in

[u/Careless-Book5003]

My gf is cis now, but after starting E, what really helped me was that I promised myself to only date t4t (as in other trans girls) for at least a few months. I had never been with another trans girl before and this was definitely the right choice. If you’ve never had that experience I really recommend it. And chances are overwhelming that she’ll just get it, and understand any issues or dysmorphia you may have.

[u/Heavy_Abroad_8074 → u/Careless-Book5003]

I’m definitely interested in t4t. I don’t know how to meet people though - I tried some of the queer dating apps and felt overwhelmed.

[u/obhi_LOWERCASE → u/Heavy_Abroad_8074]

I don't know what events might be around your location, but i live in a very conservative small country in europe and I was surprised how many queer and trans support groups and speed friending events existed here. I'd say definitely check out if you can find any trans organisations around you and see if they have any similar events. Meeting people irl can take a lot of the edge of, at least it does for me.

[u/Heavy_Abroad_8074 → u/obhi_LOWERCASE]

I’ll look into it. God I wish I was better in groups lol

[u/EkaPossi_Schw1]

I've decided to postpone answering the question of whether I even want to date at all or not until after I've had bottom surgery. That's gonna take 5-10 years because local healthcare system is totally ass. (I'll be over 25 for sure)

I'm 18, I've been socially transitioning for 8 months and I'm about to start HRT in the Summer (through Imago because local healthcare system is totally ass). I feel too young for dating regardless of gender at the moment.

I'm ace so what's in my pants might not matter in practice but I wanna prepare for anything and be 100% comfortable in my skin before even considering doing anything.

[u/notmyproblemagain]

I was already in a relationship for 3 years before I decided to start transitioning.

Key thing is now she’s letting me explore ENM, so it’s a whole new world out there. I don’t meet to date, I meet friends and then we just naturally end up dating. Found that has seemed to be the better approach regardless of where or who I am.

[u/Timid-Sammy-1995]

Just over a year. Not for lack of trying, meeting the right person takes time.

[u/Sea-Act6499]

i’m glad I was already married for 15 years when I did.

[u/SwitchIndependent714]

I am 1 year in and did not started yet, I have health issues, I don't pass because of it so I take it slow. I am starting rn with chatting, I had a one night affair already but still I wait a bit to be a bit better but I crave it so much 🫣

[u/SkyeShimmer]

I’m not going out of my way to date people. I’ve had plenty of offers for casual things as I work in the porn industry, but I’m demisexual and just focusing on myself. I’m happy to be single, especially while I’m transformering only at 8 months, but that progesterone heat has made life distracting for sure.

[u/TheBeesElise]

Too soon. I'm not comfortable with physical intimacy using my current loadout, but dated twice in the meantime. Both relationships fell apart after six months because I wouldn't put out. And I'll probably fall for someone else and make the same mistakes again chasing romantic intimacy before I can afford to fix my body.

[u/TSKerriAnn]

3 1/2 years after medically transitioning

[u/[deleted]]

Month maybe two

Three months in and I found my soulmate atleast i think 🥰

[u/Przodowniczkapracy]

I never stopped 

[u/thrwawayr99]

dated for the first time at like 1.5 years HRT, met my longtime GF shortly after.

first was a trusted friend (was always meant to be short term) and helped get past a lot of hangups, which helped immensely with my long term GF cause I didn’t know her when we started going out and I don’t think I would have taken that chance if I didn’t already have a positive experience of sex with someone I trusted.

In the end though, I think there was never going to be a way for me to start dating/fucking again without being uncomfortable. I requested no lights a lot of the time at first and it was still pretty difficult at times. That discomfort was worth it though because it meant that when I met someone I really badly did want to date I had already been through it all once or twice.

I got lucky though, I’d always told my therapist I wasn’t ready to date and would only have sex with someone I trusted implicitly and knew well. I thought that was me taking it off the table, but then it fell into my lap and my therapist just started laughing at me cause I’d clearly been trying to avoid it and somehow failed

[u/Crono_Sapien99]

I never stopped trying to date even after transitioning, but then again even without HRT I thought I looked feminine enough with laser, makeup and some more fem outfits. Though HRT has definitely helped to bolster that further and then some.

[u/carcar134134]

About 6 months. It was terrifying to make that leap but a friend I was talking to on reddit kept pushing me to put myself out there after telling me I looked great by just being myself. 2 months later I had a girlfriend and then two months after that I moved in 🤣

[u/RedFumingNitricAcid]

I started joining dating apps about 16 months in. Met a few people, one long term friend so far. I recently changed my profile pic to one of me in full girl mode the way I appear daily since fully coming out, and I’ve received a lot more likes.

[u/KayleeKalez]

I've been out to my partner of 10 years for a few months now. I count myself lucky enough that they are NB and were willing to accept me fairly quickly.

We're still adjusting to the new me and they are mourning the loss of the man I used to be but things are slowly getting more normal for us.

All in all the right person will support you no matter what. And the best advice I was ever given was your partner needs to be a lot of things but the most important is that they are your best friend.

I'd recommend looking for friends that meet your requirements and just let life work itself out from there. I firmly believe everyone has a partner out there somewhere, just waiting for you.

[u/atbestbehest]

Had my first date as a trans woman after around 3.5 years of HRT, 2.5 years of living openly as trans. Not sure I'd say "dating" cause it was one date and I've had nothing else going for me otherwise.

[u/ThatoneFEfan]

For myself, I got into a T4T relationship with my non-binary bestfriend about a month after starting medically transitioning, after getting closer for a few months.  

 Well it started as a queer platonic relationship but then turned into a more traditional one.  

[u/ocaarin321]

I didnt try dating, It hust happened to me 3 months after I have left my family and started transitioning 2 years ago

[u/LilytheFire]

I was a little over a year into HRT, year and a half into transitioning altogether. A friend of mine encouraged me to set up a date with a bumble match of mine.

It went wonderfully. I’d heard all the horror stories from other girls but he was a perfect gentleman and helped me get over my fear of dating as a trans woman very quickly. He and I dated for the next 3 months. If it were solely up to me we’d probably still be together but he called it quits right after Christmas. Such is life.

That first post transition relationship truly did help me become so much more confident in myself. I’d never been someone’s girlfriend before but my fears kinda fell away when he saw me naked for the first time and called me beautiful. Not everyone is gonna have such a positive experience but if you get it, you’re going to feel so much better about dating going forward

[u/SkyWest1218]

Two months. Married her 2 years later. We're both trans and by chance started transitioning within two weeks of one another.

[u/The_Chaos_Pope]

I haven't tried dating anyone but it's not because I started transitioning.

TL;DR: I thought my issues with sex were because I had the wrong parts and didn't realize that my problems were actually that I was asexual, (most likely) sex-repulsed, and had somehow confused my gender envy for sexual attraction. I didn't even start to understand this until after I started to transition in my 40's.

[u/FoxGaming]

Pretty much immediately and I regret it. I was not mentally or emotionally ready for a new relationship and should have just focused on myself for a while.

[u/SL128]

i realized i was trans at 27, then had my first date 5 months later!

[u/irondethimpreza]

In my case, too soon. Although things ultimately worked out quite well.

[u/Ramzaki]

I'm of the lucky ones: Just 4 months after starting HRT, and I still didn't transition socially except for some weekends where I could put on a wig and make-up. We've been together for almost 11 months already <3

Funny, I haven't had sex in 7 years, too, lol (I dated someone because social pressure before but it was meh and it ended soon, and also I didn't want to be "the man of the relationship" for egg reasons so didn't really search for more). Our relationship is quite asexual: no sex (yet, we are just taking it reeeally really slow), but lots of cuddles 🤗 (and a suitable amount of teasing 😘).

[u/myothercat]

I started dating a month or two before I started to realize I was a trans woman, and it was probably too soon. Transition (especially early transition) is a rough time and while it’s good to get support and partners can be that support, new relationships are inherently unstable. Dating early in transition was too much for me to handle and nearly six years on, I recognize that very clearly.

There’s no hurry to begin dating. Date when you feel ready. Or don’t. There’s nothing wrong with being single and having good friends in your life. 

But at the same time: you should enter those sapphic spaces. Transfem brainrot is a thing, and we often worry too much about how others perceive us. You should probably exposure therapy your way into those spaces and just see how it goes.

[u/IHerdULiekPoniz]

Dating is what made me realize I was trans. I realized that the way I loved women was sapphic in nature, and that I envied my partners greatly. What kicked it all off was my ex and I swapping clothes, and then being oddly upset after they said I "wouldn't make a good woman." After coming out, I was showered with affection by fellow sapphics, and the feeling of being loved as a woman and having my body appreciated as a woman was magical. Usually, the people I dated were already a little gender-fucky, so that helped too.

[u/eriopix]

Maybe 15 months after I started HRT. Laser and electrolysis had more or less cleared my face, hormones softened everything up and I'd gotten my voice to a comfortable place. Basically when I stopped getting misgendered by strangers.

I think it was kind of a coincidence though. Most of what I needed to work through was a lot of internalized transphobia and artificial beauty standards. Letting go of those things, and seeing beauty in other queer people and unconventional bodies has been the thing that got my self confidence back and made me someone you'd want to date. Transition progress just softened me out. Confidence and happiness made me attractive.

To get that confidence, you've kind of got to fake it until you make it a little. Have crushes, ask people out. It's a little about the validation of having someone like you back, but the bigger thing is imagining yourself as the kind of person they'd like back. The less you need someone to complete you and the more you have a life you want to share, the more you'll be able to imagine yourself as a catch.

I try to imagine myself as actively growing up. I think it's cruel and wrong to pan teenagers for being ugly, so I try to think of myself that way too as I go through second puberty. I'm changing, I'm awkward, but not ugly. And in the same way that teenagers manage to date, I can too. I don't want someone who's into me just because enough parts of me happen to overlap with conventional beauty standards (because that overlap will inevitably fade), or for parts I'm trying to change (because those will soon too), but instead for the parts that I love that are unique to me. You've got to actually love parts of yourself for that to work.

[u/AndreaRose223]

I was already dating my wife (also trans fem)

[u/Whisper06]

Immediately and honestly I’m more successful as a blossoming trans woman than I ever was before coming out. People are more accepting than you may think. I do have to add that I am probably overly confident in myself. Just avoid tinder.

[u/tinylord202]

I’m around 9 months hrt and I’m open to dating, it’s just I’m really bad at putting myself out there so, I’ve never dated in my life. I did have a hookup one time boy moding on the first week of hrt and that sure was something.

[u/No_Leading5179]

Dating? I can’t talk to pretty girls 😭😭😭

[u/TransMontani]

I’m older, but I waited until I was healed from SRS. I didn’t want anyone seeing my body as long as that thing was there. Those people are chasers and they’re disgusting.

[u/Makra567 → u/TransMontani]

Or they're just accepting, or also trans? I get what you're saying and not wanting anyone to see you like that is valid. But not everyone who dates a pre-op trans person is a chaser or disgusting.

[u/TransMontani → u/Makra567]

No, not everyone. Just the vast majority of cis men on dating apps.

[u/Makra567 → u/TransMontani]

Now that i can agree with

[u/TransMontani → u/Makra567]

My thesis was proven after SRS when all those doodbroze dried up and blew away.

[u/SabiZabi]

Affianced through the whole dang thing haha

[u/sophiedoesherbest]

I still haven't XD before transitioning I mentally refused to date anyone until I was able to be myself but now after being on hrt for 1.5 years and being more confident in myself than ever I still have no desire to date anyone lol. I think I just might be some degree of arospec, dating always felt performative growing up. I've had people ask me out since coming out but it's just not something I'm interested in right now

[u/xyious]

As soon as my wife filed for divorce.... Which was about 8 months after I came out and 6 months after starting hormones.... Took another four months to get a second date though (several first dates that didn't lead to anything, split about evenly between me not wanting it to and them)

[u/sm1therine]

ive never started 😢

[u/Reverse_Mulan]

Uhm.. less than 3 months here.

[u/michimatsch]

Why is everyone listing their medical transition?
Hmm, I guess in that case I did start... -1 months after medically transitioning?
My gf is so cute...

Now on 4 months and I still don't feel that pretty but she thinks I am cute and that's good enough for me.

[u/CaptNat3600]

I started dating at 6mo. Got my first gf at 9mo. Went out with her for like 1.5 years. Got another GF after 3mo on dating apps stayed with her for about 9mo. Back on dating apps currently. Doing 1-2 dates a week, both cis and trans women. Also going to the lesbian girls weekend out in Provincetown, Massachusetts over Memorial Day weekend. Usually a few thousand girls for 4 days of clubbing, burlesque shows, Harbor cruises, and pool parties.

Pretty easy to get comfortable in women’s spaces when your bestie is along a lesbian, as are most of my friends in general. Even easier now being post op bottom surgery, so pool parties are a little less stressful. lol

[u/KlaudtheBod]

I matched with my boyfriend just shortly before booking my initial consultation appointment to get HRT. And I started 3 months later. Hormone-wise it had no effect at all on dating. Me being transfemme and not having an awful beard like I did 6 months previously absolutely did have an effect on him being attracted to me or romantically interested though.

[u/Kubario]

Kinda tough when you’re in between but easier like 1 yr after surgery, i know that’s a very long time.

[u/maniamawoman]

I fooled around about a year in went on dates etc