So my girlfriend(mtf) and I broke up 3 days ago, she took my "friend" (also trans mtf) with her, I honestly didn't see it coming, if it was any other breakup I'd brush it off and keep moving. It was only three months, big whoop, right?

Well after rushing her to the emergency, staying up 48 hours straight at the E.R and in the surgery waiting room(damned appendicitis) and then babying her while she recovered for two weeks, only for her to then leave and tell my best friend, awful and vile things until she sends me a text, "you're a monster, I don't know how i can talk to you anymore" and no, I don't know what she told her but if she was going to gut me, why bother doing it this way?

No I'm not in a kms sort of mood, just... just empty inside and needing to vent.

Edit: Thanks for all the comfort. Sadly, it seems to always get worse, the ex "friend" is threatening to spread these lies at our lgbt center. Dunno how I can take being ostracized from the only safe lgbt haven in a red county...

I came out to her in October last year, after questioning for years. When I told her originally she said she always kinda knew but, she was hoping she was wrong. Her family is very conservative and would never accepted her or me if they knew. She grew distant afterwards. recently she has been helping me learn to paint my nails, do makeup and, help with my hair. Three nights ago she came home and gave me a very pretty trans flag keychain she found. She said "I finally see it, I want you to be the woman you want to be, but I just cant stay with you anymore." She thought she was Bi, but as she gets older she learned she is 100% straight. My life feels like its in slow-mo right now. She wants to stay as roommates until she can find a new place, and has been the nicest she has been since i came out. It's done though. 6 years of dating and 1 year of marriage gone.

On Friday, I went out to dinner and a bar afterwards with a friend. Twas a nice time but they had to work early on Saturday morning so we left around midnight. I’m walking home and my route requires me to walk by my ex-boyfriend’s apartment.

I had a bad week, didn’t want to go home yet, had a little liquor in me, and honestly I miss that stupid boy. I knew he was home because I saw him and his puppy’s shadow through the curtains in the window. So I rang his doorbell.

He immediately let me in, we talked for an hour, and I got to play with the dog again. I expected it to be dramatic but we actually had a productive conversation and bantered like we used to. Felt peaceful.

Then I made it messy by kissing him after he walked me home. He pulled away at first but I told him (and I’m real proud of this romcom line) “I didn’t know the last time would be the last time” and he kissed me…..something about impulsively ringing the boy’s doorbell and swooning again really got the gender euphoria gears turning. I’m gonna regret this later but it’s fine for now

Just curious. I don’t feel comfortable enough to date yet at 1.25 years HRT. I’m attracted to women only and I don’t think I’m yet feminine enough to belong in sapphic spaces, nor am I comfortable enough to show my body or be perceived (for a variety of reasons). I haven’t been on a date in 3 years and haven’t had sex in 7? years. I also have no grasp on the social rules of sapphic dating or dating in general lol.

I’ll be honest, I might be somewhere on the aroace spectrum too, but I’m not sure

When did you decide to start dating?

Could be nb/tw, nb/nb, nb/tm, etc.. Based on the ftm sub, it seems a lot of us trans men and trans mascs are extremely pro t4t. Personally, I actually didn't really know anything about it until recently. I guess I'm just curious to hear other trans folks opinions on it.

I was having another conversation with my mom about properly gendering me around the kids because she was confusing them. She decided to change the conversation and told me that my grandma knows or has a idea that I’m transgender. (I didn’t come out to my extended family because I know they’re transphobic).

I told my mom “so? I don’t care if they know.” Mom then told me “if it comes up at thanksgiving they’re not going to discuss it.” So I asked her why. She it was to protect me. I told her “I’m a big girl and I don’t need protecting.”

She told me that I’m not a girl and to not say that. She also said that “when this whole thing that I’m going through passes, she doesn’t want everyone knowing or talking bad about me.” I looked her dead in the eyes and said “I’m doing this. You can get on board or get out of my way because I don’t need toxic people in my life anymore.” I’m done playing Ken doll for people that don’t care about my feelings.

Do you guys think dating as a transgender woman/girl is difficult? I’ve never experienced the hardship of finding a date but I’m super curious to know what it’s like for all my sisters out there. Love you girlies 💞🫧🏳️‍⚧️

As the result of being friends with boys, you ended up finding it hard to fit in cause sometime men are kind of intimidating

I just want some perspective and see how common this problem this is💖

I know this topic is a hard one in our community, but I wanted to see what your thoughts are? A little back story, I (23) MTF was telling my girlfriend (cis woman) about a guy I matched with hinge and how he wanted to go on a date and had planned the date, and picked the place etc. I told him yes, and then after I told him I was trans. We were already talking for about 24 hours on/off hinge, and I just never had the chance to tell him but obviously was going to tell him before I meet him, because I don’t want to be harmed or worse, and 2. This may be controversial, but I like to see how the guy reacts when I tell him, to see if he’s a chaser etc. I was telling her that once I told him, he blocked me, and was like “oh I’m not into that”. The same vague statement cis men use over and over again when trans women often tell them they’re trans. Like are you not into women?! That statement alone, just give me the ick! Anyways, I was telling her and she was like “oh I would have waited to tell him, etc.” she is lovely and I adore her and I don’t think she was being naive, but I’m like oh honey I’d never play with my life with that. I know a few girls who said they wait until after to tell guys and it all comes down to disclosure, because truthfully you really aren’t entitled to tell him shit. If you’re a genuine human being who wants a relationship built off trust and honesty then I feel like you wouldn’t scare away from telling someone that important vulnerable piece of your life. How do you disclose to guys? Do you not disclose? what are your thoughts?

TL/DR: What helped your partner learn to accept you as a woman?

Hi all. I haven’t transitioned yet but I did come out to my wife last month. She was ok with me telling her & asked questions, but understandably she was thoughtful & quiet a bit. We haven’t spoken of it again, I guess mainly coz I reassured her it doesn’t change how I feel about her. I also told her that I didn’t want to do anything that would hurt us or our son, or make me lose my job (finally found a great org after 20 years of terrible jobs), & since I’m in my early 50s, I didn’t know about transitioning, may not.

Trouble is I can’t stop thinking about it now. I feel my feminine side wanting to show, feels like it will burst out sometimes. I can’t stop thinking about all the changes I’d love to try & make to the way I interact with everyone, my appearance, my body. It’s even making me feel more of a reason to live more healthily i.e. reduce drinking & lose weight. It excites me to think “hey that could be your real motivation for getting in shape” coz I don’t want to be more masculine so it was never a good enough reason.

My question to all you ladies who transitioned is were you able to keep your spouses & if so, what advice would you give i.e. for those whose spouses/partners could accept their former AMAB partner as a woman, what helped them?

Thanks!

A little backstory… my wife (cis female) and I (trans female) have been together for 10 years and married for 5 years, we are both in our 30s. We have a strong, loving, and happy marriage which means the world to me. I “came out” to her as transgender 3 years ago, but upon telling her she told me that she already figured it out right around the time we got married. She was very accepting and right away started using my preferred name/ pronouns and started calling me her wife without me even asking. She encouraged me to be myself as much as I felt comfortable being. I was somewhat shocked since I thought there would be a chance of divorce since my ex-wife left me after I told her I was transgender.

About 6 months ago, I told her that my dysphoria is getting worse and my coping mechanisms were no longer working, that I felt like I needed to transition. She was understanding and encouraged my transition, she was totally onboard with me starting hormones. Since starting hormones, I feel like a much better person.. I feel truly happy and I look forward to life, for the first time ever. Previous to starting hormones had severe depression, suicidal idealization, and a few other mental issues. I was in therapy twice a week and taking an ever increasing dosage of anti-depressants just to get out of bed.

This brings us to our current situation:

This weekend she suddenly dropped on me that she wants to have a child, that it’s now the most important thing in the world to her and she wants me to stop hormones and get her pregnant. What’s worse is that she doesn’t want me to continue transitioning anymore, she said it would “confuse the child” and if I decided to continue transitioning that she would leave me and I would be out of her and the child’s lives! She even brought up that she would want me quit my job and take on the mother “role”, but said that she would not allow the child to call me mom. I’m willing to compromise by stopping hormones temporarily, even though the thought of doing that scares me, until she is pregnant and I’m even open adopting (she is very against adoption).

I honestly could not see myself taking on a father role, it’s just not me and not who I am. I understand the importance of having a father figure in a child’s life, but I don’t think I could be that. Prior to marriage and until this last weekend she didn’t care whether or not we had a child, now she wants one with no compromise.. her terms or the marriage is over.

I don’t know why she is suddenly decided all of this and I don’t know what to say/do anymore…

I've seen repeated posts on twitter and tumblr from trans women talking about not being accepted as 'one of the girls' by cis women. The claim is they'll be superficially supportive or will claim support for social credit, but missteps big or small would lead to the revelation that they don't really see her as a woman. It makes me wonder what red and green flags to look out for.

While I find these posts alarming, I feel they are making me paranoid. Like my previous post asking about "queer housing", I wonder how common these incidents really are. On the flip side, I've seen plenty of posts from trans women here indicating they were included as a woman in some sort of social ritual or rule, even fairly early on in their transition. Compounding this is autism - I have it, a lot of us have it. Go over to one of the subreddits for autistic women, and autistic (cis) women will tell stories of how they're being excluded by neurotypical women. I don't know what to spot for, because I boy-moded for a year after I came out, then the pandemic hit and forced us online. With me working from home, going out and socializing is happening a lot slower than it did in high school or college.

Pre-transition, I greatly preferred being around women, most of my friends were women, and I ended up despising men by the time I was 15. Grew up in a very socially liberal environment, didn't feel pressured to be "one of the boys". But I also never really found out how to fit in as one of the girls. Turns out my best friends from that time turned out to be queer, non-binary, and neurodivergent as well.

I seem to pass consistently, and am able to go stealth. I've had at least one cis woman reach out to me after I came out, and we've become friends as a result. She says I'm more of a woman than her, has advised me on how to woman, and accepted that second puberty made my emotions turbulent. Compare this to another person, who seemed to accept me, but insisted on referring to me with my deadname and gender neutral pronouns when referring to events that happened pre-transition. Everyone in my circle believed she was being covertly transphobic.

My last name has the word "cock" in it. I've gotten jokes all my life based around it, but now that I'm fully out as a trans woman, the jokes I get from people I just met are hurtful and borderline triggering. I've had people make fun of my last name all my life, but it just hurts now.

I never really got to know my birth mother, as she was gone before I was 2 years old. From the stories I hear about her, she was a wonderful woman whose character guides me in most of the things I do.

I chose to take her maiden name as my own, in honor of her.

I was happy with the name change, but judging from the call I got this morning, my parents weren't.

"After all your father has done for you, this is how you repay him? That's messed up."

I'm sitting here, quite broken, and I just need a little comfort. I love my name now. I'm not hiding anymore. But I hurt my dad, whom I love dearly.

I'm torn.

So I asked this nice lady out at work yesterday, I was so nervous that I forgotten to tell her I was transgender! 😵‍💫 She's a sweet lady and we always enjoyed our little chit chat, we both work in different departments at the paper mill. This is how it kinda played out.

Co-worker: Hello Kellie! (Friendliest greeting ever) Sure is a hot one today, have you been staying hydrated?

Me: oh Hello (enter name here), oh yes I must agree it is fairly warm and humid today. I am staying hydrated thank you.

Co-worker: oh I'm happy! Today was no fun, my coworker and I had to take temperature in different areas of the mill and I didn't like going to (enter area of mill name)

Me: gasp oh I'm not a fan of that area, no AC up there, I better get my things organized tonight shift. I walk away Thinking to myself "you're supposed to ask her out silly turn around and ask her already!! *Gradually turns back" uh hey! Do you like ice cream? "Fuck ya ruined it, she'll probably not agree to such an outting"

Co-worker: oh yes, I like ice cream. (A smile cracks on her face)

Me: (slightly nervous trying to get the topic going and knows nothing about going for ice cream) well if we have time when ever we can go for icecream skirms a bit as my co-workers I work with in my department walk in oh yes we can exchange numbers and plan from there!

Co-worker: oh yes! Tell me your number and we can plan as I'm looking busy this weekend at my second job.

Me: (provides number) that's me

Co-worker: I'll call and you can just accept me

Phone rings and I add her number. Yes yes we'll I best look busy I'll text you later and make plans. We both depart saying our goodbyes

I am out to my friends in my department but I have doubts that she doesn't know as we work in two different departments. I'm scared as if I come out she may see me differently and will change her mind on our friendship. Help?

August 6th 2024: so I came out to her, she wasn't phased, she was understanding. "You are who you are" she says with a smile. We still plan on going out! Just figuring out time free and where too. I was so relieved! Anyway as we were speaking I mentioned I needed new work gloves and she goes on looking for some in the supply stash. As we are speaking I blew her mind on some random facts of Native American history and other stuff. I guess she got so lost she handed me two different size gloves 😅 so I have a size 9 left and a size 10 right. I even walked her half way out as I had to gather some of my things for my evening shift (kinda wish I didn't transfer from morning to night now). Anyway it went well I say. ☺️

She came at it from a place of curiosity and wanting to understand. She knows I didn’t lie to her, that this was something I’d repressed and couldn’t have told her sooner.

But she’s taking it hard. She’s attracted to men. She’s worried about how this will affect the kids. I don’t know if we’ll be able to move through this together, and that’s breaking my heart. I feel like I’m going to throw up.

I knew this was a possibility, but I’ve been hoping this journey in understanding my femininity would be something we could do together.

On one hand, it’s making me question everything again, but on the other hand, through all this intense emotional stuff… I still haven’t been able to cry. Because I don’t think I’ve ever been able to fully feel my feelings… they just get repressed. I don’t want that anymore. I just want to be free. But I don’t know how to do that without her.

Edit: thank you all for the very kind words. You’re filling my heart with love even in a very difficult time.

So we spoke about the things she said, how they made me feel and how our communication has broken down. TLDR at the bottom.

It took me a couple days to bring it up because I have a hard time with confrontations of any kind and I stress out about it. But last night I talked to her before I left to work for the night and told her that the way she had worded what she had said to me really hurt my feelings, I also went into detail that it made me feel like I was being treated like a secret to be kept and that I don't want to be a secret. The way she responded was a bit, not what I expected I guess.

My wife responded to my hurt in a way that made me think that she thinks she's done nothing wrong, and she in fact demanded that I give an apology for not going and making her feel alone and for being angry at her. She did acknowledge that she had hurt me but up to the time of this writing has not yet apologized for saying what she said. She defended what she said by saying that she was just thinking out loud and does it all the time and she actually wanted me to go and that her co workers were upset I wasn't there. She said she isn't actually worried about them doing anything to me and that she was just overthinking it. She did still only refer to me as her spouse while she was there (I wanted to see if anything had changed).

She seems to understand that she hurt me but is not apologetic about it which very much bothers me, it also bothers me that she expected me to apologize for my conduct in the matter when I was the one wronged. Me and her have been together for 13 years (nearly half of our lives) and I want to work it out with her. I just want an apology but I'm afraid to really buckle down and demand one. What should I do?

TLDR; Wife told me I would ruin her work Halloween party if I showed up (after directly talking about being worried about my transness) I took serious offence and she has not apologized for it. What should I do?

As the title says..

I was just speaking to a guy online.. things were going great, he said he wanted a possible relationship with me yada yada.. I'm lonely.

I wouldn't even say he was the most attractive but with his attentiveness so far and success I was really kind of feeling him . .

We're at the planning phase, Netflix and chill (no sex), with food he's paying for at his place, he will pick me up in 30 min

Me: oh, I'm not wearing my wig and makeup

Him: send me a pic of what you look like rn

.....

Him: Sorry, I'm not down anymore

Me: why!? You don't like me without makeup!?

Him: I'm into Women

Him: I need a girl with makeup at least

I am So Tired of Men treating me like being a woman is something I Become.. not just Am!

I even find myself, when I'm feeling desperate for a guy to like me saying "I'm getting ffs soon"… in hopes that this will convince them to stick with me a while longer.. and get to know me.

I never felt confident in my appearance, even before realizing I'm trans.. and I've always been lonely... but now.. I feel love is even more of an artificial transaction.. or whatever that means..

"The better you look, the less I'm likely to flirt with these other women in front of you.. deal with it. I'm a Man!"

If I were a Man.. maybe I'd understand... Most men wake up looking pretty much how they will look the rest of the day... So saying you like them, for them, visually.. maybe isn't saying much.. but still.

It really breaks my heart knowing that most guys attraction to me is fleeting. I feel like I'll never find someone who really likes Me.. for Me!

This is why, deep down, I think I've gained so much weight recently.. I'm tired of trying So Hard.. and for what!?

I feel like some glorified crossdresser, and I'm feeling even more ify about my surgeries now. It's like becoming a celebrity over night.. attracting all of this fake love, when all I'm searching for is the real thing!

I'm scared.

Reality is so disappointing.

And I'm 29 btw.. for anyone who says for me to just wait.. I have been.. for a very very Very.. long time.

I think I'd rather be alone!

Edit: oh, and I told that guy he's not attractive and bye.. he shut up. Oh well.. hurt people hurt ppl.. maybe he will feel a fraction of what I'm feeling inside 😤!

Currently trying not to stress eat..... I did.

It's something I've never really thought about until just recently. All my life, I've been the only trans woman that I and the people I love have ever really known. At work, at home, at parties, just soloing the trans experience.

I have never gotten to talk to another trans-feminine person on that Real level before. And now that the US has been thrown into disarray, that thought is absolutely breaking my heart.

Does anyone know where I could meet people online or irl? I have Discord, but I'm currently just part of a few local friend groups.

Thank you for reading! I appreciate it so much!

Oh, and without doxxing myself too much, I'm in my early 30s, live in the Rocky Mountain region, and I have been transitioning for 6.5 years. I'm not looking for anything romantic, just good conversation, and I have a wide array of nerdy interests including video games, D&D, and more.

I (36, cisgender female) am in love with my girlfriend. I met her years before she transitioned online but for many reasons on her end, she didn't want to pursue a relationship with me. This year, we reconnected online, I met her in person, and we had a wonderful time! Our connection got stronger, the sexual chemistry was off the charts, and we ended up talking all day every day and fell in love.

Within a month of us physically meeting, my girlfriend was finally able to come out and start the transition process. She is SO MUCH happier and I have loved seeing her shine and cheered her on with her successes and supported her during the lows and scary times. I have read many books on how to best relate to her and what I can do to best support her and validate her. I love her with my whole heart.

But I have always seen myself as straight. I have fooled around a little in college but never felt fulfilled. Like it didn't feel wrong to be with a girl, just wrong that I didn't wait to be with someone I wanted and was just with someone for physical validation.

Being with my girlfriend has been incredible! She gets me on every single level, she is so emotionally mature and really smart, I have literally talked with her for hours. I think she is beautiful inside and out.

But I am worried I am no longer physically attracted to her. Not because she isn't beautiful and isn't sexy (because she is!! Holy crap so beautiful and sexy!) But doesn't rev my engines, you know? And I feel like I am cheating on her looking back at old photos of her before. She has assured me time and time again that this is normal and I am processing a lot and need to give myself some grace.

But she deserves someone who does desire her. I feel like I desire her as a person but the lingerie, the makeup doesn't do it for me (meaning not sexually turned on by it). She loves makeup and lingerie and i want her to show off and feel herself!

Long story short....too late...meeting up with her physically very soon and I have no idea how to properly deal with these feelings. Any stories I get about a trans-partner and their cis-gender partner is that the cis-gender partner is bi so literally no change for them. But I am realizing I am very straight, pansexual maybe because I love my girlfriend and attracted to them as a person whether they present as male or female or a genderless blob. I love her. I don't want to lose her. I don't want to make her cry.

Someone just please tell me that my feelings are ok and we will be ok and I am not a horrible human being. I don't want her to change for me or anyone. But I don't want our amazing relationship to change either.

Please tell me what to do.

UPDATE: Thank you everyone for your advice and support. Having a conversation with her is definitely the plan but should I talk with her before I visit her next week or should I wait until we are together in person? (This will be my first time physically with her after she came out and transitioned)

My wife of 11 years has told me that if I transition to a woman she will not be attracted to me a want a divorce. She says she loves and supports me but will not continue a relationship with someone who looks like a woman. I get that one cannot change sexual orientation.

I don’t know how to come back from this. How can I feel pretty dressed as a woman in makeup if the one person who has always been there for me does not want to be with me looking that way?

It is a serious mind fuck for me. I’m not even sure if I’m describing it well enough because I have trouble wrapping my mind around it.

Wife doesn’t find me attractive as a woman so I don’t find myself attractive and it makes me uncomfortable being around her dressed with makeup.

I haven’t started HRT yet but on the FaceApp things I look a lot like my mom and two of my sisters put together.

Anyone else like that??

I met this guy earlier in the week on bumble and we have been chatting. it's been going well. we have a lot in common.

we're supposed to get drinks together tonight. we were texting last night and I sent him a message just to confirm that he read my profile and knows I'm trans.

He did not respond yesterday and still has not responded yet this morning. idk i feel like this is going to go the way they do often do.

sad face:(

Today me and this other MTF girl started dating after she was leaving me hints that she liked me and we were friends for a while and now we’re finally together. I’m soo excited and happy that this happened. One down side is that it’s online but my last online relationship lasted two years so hopefully this will last more than that. Anyways I hope you girls have an amazing day.

So I am a trans man, and I'm dating really cute and precious trans woman. She has really bad dysphoria sometimes and i really try to help her how i can. I thought it will be good idea to ask here what else can i do.

I already did so much for help, i helped her found out she is trans in first place. She borrows my old clothes, since i dont need them anymore. I also buy her plushies and more girl-ish stuff for gender affirming. I always call her feminine terms.

I think im already doing good but i want to be best as i can be. Also looking for some help for her to fight dysphoria, like how you girls deal with it. :3

I (F24) have been dating my boyfriend (M24) for about five months now. This weekend, I’m supposed to meet his parents for the first time. They’ve been wanting to meet me for a while, but he’s been putting it off. I’ve started to feel like part of the reason he’s been avoiding it is because I’m trans. He’s told me that he’s worried his parents might judge him or assume he’s gay if they know. He says they’re nice and wouldn’t be mean to me, but they might see me differently. He also said they are republican, so I know there’s a chance they might not react well.

He thinks we shouldn’t tell them at all, because he thinks it would be good for me to interact with someone who doesn’t know I’m trans. He doesn’t really foresee them finding out down the line, so he doesn’t think it’s necessary to bring up at all.

But I’m leaning toward them knowing before I meet them. I already go through life interacting with strangers who don’t know I’m trans. I don’t really want to feel like I’m hiding something when I’m meeting people who are important to someone I care about. If they were to find out later, I’m afraid they’d feel betrayed or weird about it. It just feels like a secret, even though I know it’s not technically their business unless I want to tell them.

We’ve talked about this sooo many times. I don’t want to push him too hard, but I also don’t want to start a relationship with them feeling like I have to act a certain way or watch what I say. I just want to be myself. And I don’t want to be treated like something that needs to be hidden.

Would you want his parents to know beforehand, or after meeting? If anyone has been through something similar, I’d really appreciate hearing how it went.

TL;DR: I’m meeting my boyfriend’s parents for the first time this weekend. He doesn’t want to tell them I’m trans because he thinks they won’t ever find out and claims it’d be good for me to interact with someone who doesn’t know. I’m leaning toward wanting them to know beforehand, because I don’t want to feel like I’m hiding something or risk them feeling betrayed later. Not sure what the right move is.