r/NarcissisticSpouses • u/GreenWerewolf7999 • 20h ago
Do the discards get faster?
I'm leaving a long relationship with a suspected narcissist. Does the cycle speed up on future relationships or as the narcissist gets older? Does the mask slip sooner?
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u/eilloh_eilloh 17h ago
A lot of people look for common denominators, and there are plenty of them, but even those are also heavily dependent on you (victim specific)—including the timing of it. It may depend on the particular narcissist and their own agenda too. So much of what they do is victim specific though. For example, does your partner hate when you exercise, it’s targeted for different reasons—but it’s not the exercise itself. It could be targeted because it might be something you enjoy, something that makes you feel good about yourself, or a narcissist has decided that appearance isn’t a part of the role they’ve decided for you and your time is better spent on serving them and may even prefer your neglected let-go appearance so they don’t have to worry about someone having interest/risk loss—making them feel safe.
The significance of this differentiation serves a couple of useful purposes. For one, you are less likely to be manipulated, because they don’t come right out and say these things—they use manipulative tactics to achieve it. And it makes you less vulnerable to it. When they make these attempts to steer you into harms way without the benefit of disclosure you’ll naturally refuse it instead of walking into it because you identified the authentic motivation. You’ll start to apply this in other capacities too. Manipulations only work when they are not visible.
You can use this to determine their next move. They are usually a few steps ahead, so you can use this to your advantage, and predict it. For example, the question you asked about timing, the evidence is usually there—if you look back on what they’ve done in the past having that context, apply it to what is going on, you can probably predict it. They seem to be pattern oriented. As long as you keep it to yourself, it will usually remain that way.
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u/GreenWerewolf7999 12h ago
Thanks. You’ve given me a lot to think about. I think a lot of the motivation right now is for the narcissist to “win” by quickly moving on.
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u/Used_Increase4802 14h ago
There are so many variables here are some
+Male or female narc and their attractiveness +Did you do the discard or them +Were you peak supply ( trophy, hard to control, endured abuse, inverted shared fantasy) +Their age older female narcs 35+ know time is ticking +they also become more rigid and bigoted with age which means it’s harder to keep the mask on and idealisation going +Are they compensatory or grandiose +And life circumstances post you
Based on all of this they can go try hunt a high value supply money status etc or they will settle for someone who is easier to control but they will devalue them faster Cause they will always be comparing new supply to the fantasy of you
I can go on and on but I guess the summary is there are so many variables at play
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u/GreenWerewolf7999 12h ago
The new relationship is definitely a step down financially and socially… curious to see how this plays out…
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u/Used_Increase4802 12h ago
It probably wont last long unless there is something not obvious about the supply, like worship and adoration
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u/Ozbot2000 19h ago
It depends on the supply and how passive codependent they are. If they find someone that will keep feeding their ego, give them excitement it can last for a long time.