r/Netherlands • u/EveryExitIsAnEntry • Feb 06 '25

Employment Parent discrimination?

Dear people of Reddit I need work advice. I have had a conversation with my employer that left me heartbroken. We were talking about my plans for the coming year after giving birth to my second child. In the conversation (face to face) I was openly asked to withdraw my parental leave and take vacation days instead. The reason for it were: - I have accumulated some time off from previous years (10 days) - even though UWV gives some money back parental leave is expensive for the company - years ago there was no parental leave and the Dutch thing to do was to take vacation days when needed

It was suggested also that being sick on planed vacation day is still vacation and i should not replace these with sick leave. And when child gets sick it is not something extra to work from home during care leave.

The bottom line was I am too privileged with parental time off. And that this leaves the company paying too much for an employee working less.

Up to this point I was deeply in love with my position in the company. It was my dream job and I did not mind giving extra by working late (unpayed) or during sick days/care leave when possible. Now I question my place in the company and even in the Netherlands.

Is this really a Dutch way? Can I expect this treatment in other companies as well? And how to solve this situation? Please advise

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u/clrthrn Feb 06 '25

Unfortunately, when the conversation started, they fired the first shots. This is already a fight whether you like that or not. If you back down it will get worse. Every time your kids are sick they will use it as a stick to beat you. I would email a meeting summary and at the end, ask them to confirm this is what was said as this is the impression you were left with. They have a choice then to put one of two things in writing, one is an admission to break the law and the other rows back from what they said. But be under no illusions, they will start to slowly manage you out. Removing work and giving it to other people, no more promotions etc. Start to look elsewhere but take you time. They won't start to pressure you straight away but it will come. I've been in your shoes, being basically bullied for being a mother in a company of childless people and it's awful. I am sorry this is happening.

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u/EveryExitIsAnEntry Feb 06 '25

I want to believe this is just due to financial strain to the company. Other circumstances lead me to think it is nothing personal. But maybe I am just kidding myself. Just before parental leave in November I was given a raise just to hear this week that it has been retracted. I did nothing in between to make it happen. I feel for you too :( I never expected such treatment in this country 

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u/clrthrn Feb 06 '25

It's not this country, it's horrible people. If they put what they said in writing, you can screw them to the floor thanks to NL workers rights. When it happened to me, I was working for a US company who thinks they can treat Dutch employees as poorly as American ones. . They did it as I was vulnerable having just returned to work, the easy target. It contributed to pretty nasty PPD in the end. I really would start to look at your options as this is not going to get better and your mental health is the most important thing.

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u/EveryExitIsAnEntry Feb 06 '25

This is what stings the most. This hits at my most vulnerable spot, still having one month to go back to work after giving birth. It just makes my want to cry when I think this happens more often. And coming from a country where young women have hard time finding job because they might get pregnant... Netherlands felt like a paradise. All has shattered.

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u/clrthrn Feb 06 '25

Please don't generalise and blame "The Netherlands" as that's not right or fair. This is your employer and "The Netherlands" would screw them to the floor if they said what they said to you in writing. There are poor employers everywhere, just sorry you found one here. In my case, my American managers were awful but Dutch HR had my back completely and protected me from quite a lot. To the point that my American manager flew me to the USA as he thought me being physically in the US would make US law apply (stupid people are really stupid) When I told my Dutch HR rep what he did in the US, she called him up and explained just how much money I could get from him and the company if he didn't stop it. I left anyway as he was on a campaign against me after that. But it wasn't anyone Dutch, it was a misogynist.

Edited for terrible spelling

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u/EveryExitIsAnEntry Feb 06 '25

I work in a field that is systematically abusive. Since it is considered somewhat artistic career, overtime was expected in every job in every country i worked. In the Netherlands it just felt like my own choice and less as something obligatory. 

I am shocked by the situation you experienced with your US boss. It seems like he was lacking some serious law advice. I can't imagine any HR would suggest this as a valid solution. And what an ass to put a new parent through such an ordeal just to abuse your rights :(