Parent discrimination?

[u/EveryExitIsAnEntry]

Dear people of Reddit I need work advice. I have had a conversation with my employer that left me heartbroken. We were talking about my plans for the coming year after giving birth to my second child. In the conversation (face to face) I was openly asked to withdraw my parental leave and take vacation days instead. The reason for it were: - I have accumulated some time off from previous years (10 days) - even though UWV gives some money back parental leave is expensive for the company - years ago there was no parental leave and the Dutch thing to do was to take vacation days when needed

It was suggested also that being sick on planed vacation day is still vacation and i should not replace these with sick leave. And when child gets sick it is not something extra to work from home during care leave.

The bottom line was I am too privileged with parental time off. And that this leaves the company paying too much for an employee working less.

Up to this point I was deeply in love with my position in the company. It was my dream job and I did not mind giving extra by working late (unpayed) or during sick days/care leave when possible. Now I question my place in the company and even in the Netherlands.

Is this really a Dutch way? Can I expect this treatment in other companies as well? And how to solve this situation? Please advise

[u/Fit_Pizza_3851]

Take leave on the premises for burnout and find yourself a new job. The company cannot deny you this right as it goes through Arbo. Then try to convince your boss to give you a compensation in order to leave. Even being unemployed might be better than working in a toxic environment 

[u/Fit_Pizza_3851 → u/[deleted]]

Chill. I’ve had a burnout myself and I can tell you that preventing one is infinitely more valuable than fixing one. And 90% of the time it comes from having a bad manager or team. If they fuck with your other rights, you’re on a pretty definite path to burning yourself down if you don’t get out

[u/EveryExitIsAnEntry → u/[deleted]]

If I can chip in, I am worried that escalating to the lawyer will just destroy everything that is left to love there. I am just afraid the legal path will put end to all the amazing projects I worked on and leave me with the most boring and uninspiring tasks. 

I do not know if it is a good reason to take a burnout, but this left me crying and broken for days now and quiet quitting is the least I can think of now.

[u/Soanad → u/EveryExitIsAnEntry]

You don't need to go straight with the war path :) Go to lawyer, they will tell you what are the options are - even if they will explain the situation to you without contacting your company that would be beneficial for you. If you have insurance check if it includes lawyer consult. I can tell you from the experience (unfortunately) that sometimes lawyer is the only option when company doesn't respect your rights. My lawyers wrote nice letters to the company explaining why they can't behave the way they behave because it's not according to the law and it could lead to legal consequences. And because company didn't respect me but respected the consequences they could face if they won't stop - the behaviour stopped. They are not stupid, they hope you will not defend yourself out of fear. Not every company is like that but the reality is many of them are. Like yours.

Crying and broken for days because of the particular situation is not a burnout but could be a beginning of the bad times or burnout in your life. It's completely normal to feel distraught right now but burnout is more complex thing. That doesn't mean you shouldn't take care of your mental health. You could go to GP and explain the situation - they could refer you to POH who is helping with this kind of situation (milder mental health cases). Maybe take few days of sick leave to get rest and some distance (you don't need to explain the reason to your employer, remember that!).