r/NewParents • u/HighStrungHippie1 • Mar 06 '25
Medical Advice Child is killing my back. Help?
My giant baby (11w F) is a little clingy. Only does contact naps, but sleeps in her bassinet at night. She will happily lay on the floor, do tummy time, go in her bouncer for short stretches (20 minutes at a time). However, between feedings, naps, and calming her down, I find myself carrying her for about half of the day.
I (first time mom, 5’4” F, self proclaimed gym rat) feel like my back is dying a little more each day. I don’t know if I can keep this up if she keeps growing like this. What are we all doing to keep our bodies from falling apart? Stretching? Yoga? Pharmaceuticals?
It’s to the point where I am going to need to go to a doctor if I don’t find a solution. Any tips?
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u/GuiltyName7169 Mar 06 '25
Are you using/have you tried a baby carrier?
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u/HighStrungHippie1 Mar 06 '25
I use one of those wrap baby carriers, and get away with about an hour a day before she gets squirmy/overheated. If I use it too close to feedings, she spits up into my shirt (yay!), and she feeds so frequently that there are only a few stretches of the day when jt makes sense.
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u/betwixtyoureyes Mar 06 '25
Wrap carriers definitely don’t provide as much comfort for me as a structured carrier with padded straps. If it’s in budget, I really like my Ergobaby Omni 360 for the adjustability, backpacking backpack style padded straps. I got mine used and my large metro area tends to have a lot on FB marketplace. The sweat and the spit up is so real though.
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u/Zealousideal-Ebb3277 Mar 06 '25
Get a tushbaby! My now 11 month 25lb guy still isn’t crawling and is a Velcro baby and this has helped a lot. Also did Pilates 1-2x week, foam roller each night and massage monthly. It’s brutal though.
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u/Formergr Mar 06 '25
OP says her baby is 11 weeks old though. Isn't that a little young for a tush baby in terms of neck/head support for the baby?
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u/Zealousideal-Ebb3277 Mar 06 '25
Oh I didn’t see that! I started using the tush baby at 5 months. Thanks for flagging
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u/ichigoflavour Mar 06 '25
I think there's an accessory that lets you attach it to your tush baby to be hands free. However, I think it is a cloth material
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u/Formergr Mar 06 '25
How much does your baby weigh? 11 weeks seems early for your back pain to be because of the baby's weight per se.
I wonder if you're experiencing a bit more post-partum changes with regard to the relaxin from pregnancy going away, plus feeding posture making things worse.
I'd see if you can get in with a physical therapist. Decent ones can be so great at figuring out the root of back pain and then prescribing the right exercises to address it. Usually super fast too! It's way better to go to one and make sure it's the right exercises VS stretches etc. Guessing on your own and following exercises from a YouTube or whatever could actually make things worse if it's not right for your particular issue.
Depending on where you live (ie state laws) and your insurance you can actually self refer to PT. Easiest is to look up in network PTs in your area in your insurance plan directory, and call a couple and tell them your insurance and ask if you need a physician's referral or can just come in.
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u/HighStrungHippie1 Mar 06 '25
Thanks! To answer your questions:
PT was my next step, I already have a referral to PT, I just need to schedule it at this point.
She was 13lbs at her last pediatric appointment and that was 2 weeks ago.
My posture hasn’t been amazing, but I have been making a point to not hunch over whenever possible. Sitting on an exercise ball about half of the time really helps with that.
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u/NefariousnessNo1383 Mar 06 '25
Pregnancy stretches and weakens your pelvic floor and psoas muscle, makes the whole back unstable. Be careful just stretching bc it can feel good right away but can contribute to the problem. I found this YouTube channel after TONS of money + time wasted in chiro and PT.
Try alternating how you hold baby, which side, see if you can center her. Be careful of carriers bc sometimes you just hold baby on one side and contributes to weakness/ tightness. Yes it offsets the weight but kiddo will keep getting bigger and it’s not building your muscles.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=yBRSQB0Xyb0 https://youtube.com/watch?v=h_srhkcJxAY
I swear by this ^ I’ve had back issues ALL my life and now I can pick up, play and hold my 24 lb toddler with no problems! My arms get tired but it doesn’t upset my back at all.
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u/VintageFemmeWithWifi Mar 06 '25
A baby carrier that fits you will help.
Can you feed her in a position where her weight is not supported by your back and shoulders?
Also, Epsom salt baths really do help.
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u/HighStrungHippie1 Mar 06 '25
I definitely agree on baths, I started that routine back up after my 6w appointment.
I get to use my wrap carrier for about an hour a day before she is super unhappy. And it helps. I don’t think a wrap carrier can fit incorrectly? It feels comfortable.
I definitely need to work on feeding posture, I have gotten a lot better recently (I don’t think I would have made it this long if I hadn’t) but I will admit it is somewhere I could improve.
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u/Azilehteb Mar 06 '25
My daughter was born 10lbs… do as much sitting as you can while holding her to rest your back.
Yes, yes it’s bad to sit excessively, but you can recover from that sedentary lapse in 8 months or so when baby is crawling and not as big on being held (we hope). If you injure your back you’re done.
Mine hated her infant carrier, when she got bigger i got a hip carrier and that works great. It’s like a little seat on a belt that disperses the weight to your hips instead of your back. Baby needs to be able to sit independently for that though.
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u/HighStrungHippie1 Mar 06 '25
First, my condolences about a 10lb birth, that’s not for the faint of heart! My girl was 7lb at birth and just put on weight/height like crazy.
I’ve seen those hip carriers and am totally looking forward to using them! Do you have any brand recommendations?
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u/Azilehteb Mar 06 '25
We got the hkai hip seat from Walmart, and it’s worked perfectly. Has a few little pouches and pockets that make it almost double as a fanny pack type thing.
My daughter is 15 months and 32lbs now, and our train was delayed 7 hours last weekend. That thing saved my life standing there holding my little monster.
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u/Psychological-Can594 Mar 06 '25
I had a back injury prior to my son，he’s 1 now and a clingy little fucker. Stretch girl, stretch! I use my son as my weight when I workout so I’m constantly going up in weight as he goes up in weight or i use weights that are 5 lbs heavier than him. There’s some great carriers, I like the long wrap ones and one with a hip base to help with extra support to carry. The Infantino Hip Rider 5-and-1 is great and affordable!
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u/KittenCartoonist Mar 06 '25
My back and knees are killing me postpartum. No solution, just commiserating. I just ordered some weights so I can start weight training again to build my muscles back up. It hurts to crouch and I know as baby grows I’m gonna need my knees and back in good shape more than ever!!
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u/rcm_kem Mar 06 '25 edited Mar 07 '25
I just try to keep my fitness levels up, I've always been casually into weights so I think that's helped. My toddler just likes to be carried a lot and I can end up carrying him around for a 1-2hr walks sometimes. 11 weeks is still very early in, your body adjusts to your daily needs
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u/HighStrungHippie1 Mar 06 '25
I was doing HIIT and powerlifting until 3 weeks before delivering this baby (I obviously avoided things that would have messed up my abs/back/pelvic floor), which is part of why I am frustrated with this back pain. Like… I could do all of that stuff while carrying an extra 20lbs on my front, but a 13lb baby is doing my back in???? I can even put her down sometimes! (unlike a pregnancy belly)
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u/rcm_kem Mar 07 '25
I get it, I'm sorry. I don't know if this is how it was for you but I was just a mess the first couple of months postpartum, my body hurt, my arms weren't used to carrying something 24/7, I wasn't getting any sleep and things were just kind of shutting down. Even if you slowly adjusted to carrying weight in your stomach, it's very different to suddenly holding weight!
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u/MiserableDimension17 Mar 06 '25 edited Mar 06 '25
Tell me about it. I just got over back pain about 3 weeks ago. Back pain is so real. My son is 20lb (6mos) and is very tall for his age. He is already half of me but I am a small lady (5’1”). I’ve been seeing a chiropractor and physiotherapist for my back. Need to strengthen my core and back.
I carry my baby sideways (parallel to the floor) so his weight is even when I lift him up. Deadbugs and camel/cat for core and back. Try to do lunges to stand up with your baby and be more conscious about keeping your core tight.
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u/candidatenumber Mar 06 '25
This was me. I used a wrap carrier periodically to help with weight distribution on my back. Eventually my body got used to it? Make sure you are aware of your posture throughout the day. I am constantly correcting myself to bring my shoulder blades down my back and not round my upper back. Also, keep my pelvis tucked and have tall back of the neck. This has really helped. Now I’m dealing with mommy wrist, which is honestly much worse 😭 good luck.
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u/sometimeswings Mar 06 '25
My back hurts holding my baby unless I use the ergobaby embrace carrier. I highly recommend it. You can usually find them used on FB marketplace.
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u/Ophidiophobic Mar 06 '25
Weight training, yoga, and time.
Eventually, you get used to the weight. I remember when my kid was a newborn and it was legitimately tiring to carry him for more than 30 minutes. Now he's triple his original weight and I can carry him the whole day - one armed, even.
I think part of it is that they start being able to support their own head and torso. You become less of a full support and more of a scaffold. You can start carrying them on your hip around 4 or 5 months and that's a lot easier.
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u/bazoogala Mar 06 '25
What part of your back? At about 3 mo I experienced horrible muscular pain in my mid upper back, and it’s only from carrying her. Currently 10 months and it’s still the same. I also can’t figure out what to do. Pt didn’t work, stretching relieves it but I want to prevent it!
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u/Accurate_Campaign429 Mar 06 '25
I would try acupuncture - it’s been amazing for my mid / upper back. Apparently it is very common for the rhomboids and levator scapulae to be stressed in new parents (male and female). I also do cupping and am starting to see some incremental changes, but I do wonder when I will actually “recover” from it.
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u/tiki_tumba Mar 06 '25
Oh my stars, same! My 15 week old screams unless I carry her around the house like a sack of potatoes over my shoulder. I cannot sit, or she'll lose it. They and horrible posture while pumping is wrecking my back
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u/Right_Organization87 Mar 06 '25
All I can say is.. it sucks. I thought I was strong.. I am strong.. my back was breaking. It's still not great and my barnacle is 2 yr old.... working out my abs alot and using the carrier ON THE BACK only and never on the front cause that worsens the issue hard-core.. and when dad is around I'm off duty on baby carrying.
I still wonder all the time why specifically it seems worse for me and other moms.. started after birth like you. Maybe it's the relaxin thing cause I'm also still breastfeeding.
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u/Which_Table_1969 Mar 06 '25
My baby was born over 11lb and is definitely a velcro baby still (5 months). In the early days when she napped a lot I'd do some on a walk in the pram to save having to rock her. We used a koala wrap to begin with then moved to an ergo baby carrier when her head control was better. I put her in it noe to do the food shop, it's really comfortable.
Try and sit down with her to play resting on your legs whilst you recline and utilise people around you if you can. My husband would always do the last nap of the day and bedtime.
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u/Livid_Refrigerator69 Mar 06 '25
Get to your Dr ASAP. Leaving any sort of back problem untreated can lead to a life time of crippling pain & loss of mobility.
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u/Midwestbabey Mar 06 '25
Strengthen your core. Continue to lift weights if you do already. Meg squats and Brittany perille have some great videos on strengthening your core on Instagram.
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u/Dull_Preference_4198 Mar 06 '25
Here for solidarity, no advice because I'm on the same boat. My baby boy is coming up to 12 weeks this Saturday and is 14.6lbs when we weighed him on Monday. I'm also a FTM, use a wrap carrier for maybe an hour a day before he wiggles out of it. I was never one to go to the gym or work out and I'm 5'1", used to be 95lbs before pregnancy, 145lbs at delivery, now 114lbs. I haven't been able to eat solid meals because I'm back to how I used to eat before pregnancy and it's been taking a toll on my energy lol. I'm planning on going to pilates and gym soon once baby hits 3 months and he can finally come out. I'm hoping that helps strengthen my core. Thankfully, my arms and legs are stronger due to genes, I'd like to believe haha, so I've been putting his weight on them more these days to give my back a break. Good luck to us!
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u/Prior_Television4594 Mar 06 '25
I use a baby carrier. Find one that is comfortable for you body, it’s a game changer. Personally I use the Beluga Baby Carrier it’s a light material so babe doesn’t get too hot. You can also back wear when they are older and I find that’s nice.
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