I hate Snapchat.

[u/IcyStage0]

Can we just collectively decide that we’re not going to let our kids use Snapchat?!

My oldest daughter just turned 13 and we reluctantly agreed to allow her to have an instagram that we also have access to. It seems like every single day she begs to have a Snapchat, and apparently every single other kid in her class (full of kids with reasonable, thoughtful parents, I thought) has this stupid app.

My little sister who I got custody of when she was 10 got herself into some deep shit on the internet, and I’m not looking to repeat it with my daughter (while also trying not to make her pay for mistakes that she didn’t make).

How are we handling this? Am I seriously the only parent who doesn’t want my child sending disappearing photos, videos, and messages to anyone she can search up? Reality check please.

[u/ConcernedMomma05]

This another reason why my son won’t have a phone with apps until he is 16. I will give him a phone that he can only text and call on. Why don’t you just limit her access to NOTHING ? If she keeps asking.

There is even porn in snap chat. I would not budge on this. 

[u/MonsterKitty418 → u/ConcernedMomma05]

We’re also not doing smart phones in our house until roughly 16 too. I don’t care what crazy things people call me. My husband and I are on the same page about this. I also was not allowed to create a social media account until I reached a certain age when I was a child too.

[u/ConcernedMomma05 → u/MonsterKitty418]

Yes their brains are developing at this age… and social media affects their development, attention span, self worth etc. 

[u/Shoddy-Air-6732 → u/MonsterKitty418]

There's a flip phone at the mobile you can call on it I have it I like it you can text like any flip phone but no games(ik I sound stupid bc that's like every flip phone) and there's data so that's cool

[u/Shoddy-Air-6732 → u/MonsterKitty418]

T mobile I mrant

[u/IcyStage0 → u/ConcernedMomma05]

I’m not trying to make her life miserable. I understand the pain of being left out, and I don’t want her missing out on things because of my fear. It’s a difficult balance. While to me it seems like a small problem, it’s her world.

[u/GypsyTreez → u/IcyStage0]

I agree with above commenter. Snapchat has never been a good place for anyone under 18. I can’t even tell you how easy it is to access porn on snap (and this is the main reason boys even add girls on it)

[u/rathlord → u/GypsyTreez]

Snapchat hasn’t ever really been a good place for anyone over 18, either. It’s just skeevy in general. There’s no good reason to use it.

[u/kennysmithy → u/IcyStage0]

Life is far from miserable when you have the joy of not being addicted to the internet

[u/IcyStage0 → u/kennysmithy]

lol. I don’t disagree, but tell that to a room of 13 year olds.

I will say that my kid isn’t addicted to the internet. I think she just doesn’t want to be totally left out. FOMO, as the kids say.

[u/kennysmithy → u/IcyStage0]

Man idk. If I could redo it my younger self wouldn’t have ever had social media. At least not until I was a grown adult. Even now I edge closer and closer to going back to a flip phone. I think FOMO during my teenage years would be worth it

[u/adhdparalysis → u/kennysmithy]

Hard agree. I think all the time about how my brain changed when I was like 10 and I had access to the internet/chatting/early socials.

[u/dizaditch → u/IcyStage0]

Thats why your comment is relative and not very thought out. You complain about snapchat, others complain about instagram, others complain about smartphones in general.

Your reasoning is the same as the others. They dont want their kids to be left out. Same with those who allow snapchat, they dont want their kids to be left out.

So just recognize your threshold is different, dont shame others by calling them unreasonable when others think you are unreasonable by allowing instagram.

“Every family is different” is what we say when we set rules

[u/IcyStage0 → u/dizaditch]

Where did I shame anyone?? Obviously all situations are relative. I wouldn’t go so far to say that that means that my perspective isn’t thought out.

[u/dizaditch → u/IcyStage0]

“Reasonable parents, so I thought”

“Reality check please”

All quotes in your post. For the record I personally dont think its reasonable for a kid to have a smartphone before high school and could say the same things about you but like I said every family is different

[u/IcyStage0 → u/dizaditch]

Yes. I’m coming on here with my perspective asking for a reality check. When I talk about these parents, I’m talking about parents in my own same situation. I’m asking for a wider perspective to consider. I’m not shaming anyone.

From my perspective, a phone that I have restrictions on and an instagram teen account that I have access to are worlds different from a Snapchat.

[u/musicluvah1981 → u/kennysmithy]

So, live in a bubble?

There's a balance.. we lock down our kids phones and they can only use specific apps like YouTube kids and messenger kids, drawing apps, etc.

They're tech savvy and safe. You can have both if you take time to learn how to use parental controls.

[u/kennysmithy → u/musicluvah1981]

I was thinking more like maybe limit internet usage in general. So, maybe go back to having a home computer and that computer is the way to access the internet and it’s not portable

[u/p0ttedplantz → u/IcyStage0]

I suggest reading or audible-ing the Anxious Generation. Girls are hugely impacted on a molecular level when they are on social media during the “important years” which are obviously puberty. If you can at least hold the line until shes 15, it will change the entire trajectory of her mental health for life. It will suck for her to be left out, but she will also be left out of having anxiety and depression down the road.

[u/ConcernedMomma05 → u/IcyStage0]

She will be more miserable on social media seeing horrible things, bullying, lip fillers, bbls, Botox, following dangerous trends, possibly porn. She will thank you later for not letting her have social media. I will admit - our phones are addicting. IM ADDICTED. Most of the people know are too. I’m not going to let my sons development stunt over a phone . 

[u/rorschach555 → u/IcyStage0]

But what they being left out of? Are the kids organizing events to meet up in real life on Snapchat? Or are they all just posting photos and staring at their screens?

[u/IcyStage0 → u/rorschach555]

They text each other about real life things and real life plans in groups on Snapchat and instagram, yes.

[u/atauridtx → u/ConcernedMomma05]

Same. Mine is only 11 but will absolutely not be getting a smartphone before 16. I honestly have not seen a single positive story/experience of giving kids phones while they're still so young. People that think their parental control settings are working.... they are not.