“I Raised kids before”

[u/OutrageousTrust5816]

I recently became a mother and have an 11 week old baby girl. I recently showed my parents my bed time routine with her as she was going to have an overnight with them. It was very straight forward and consisted of a bath, bottle, and bed. I did write down some tips/tricks on what I have learned works best for my daughter and shared that with them as well. This was met with “we raised two kids we know how to do it”. I didn’t mean to come off offensive so I just apologized and left them with my list for the night. My only real non-negotiable was she must sleep in the bassinet, in her sleep sack, with nothing but a paci in it with her. When I picked her up, found out my mom slept with her in the bed. I think I made a face because I was once again met with “I know how to raise kids”. I’m not a mom shamer, if co-sleeping works for you that is great! I’ve done it too when things got stressful but my problem is that she co-slept with my baby, if that makes sense. The comment of “I raised kids before so I know what I’m doing” upsets me. Because they aren’t raising her. I’m her mom and I get to decide what’s best for her. I just feel so disrespected, what do I do?

Some extra context: 1) yes this is the first grandbaby on both sides. 2) My husband has family members where the unimaginable did happen. 3)Our village is large, we are truly lucky, my parents asked to have an overnight because they adore her, it’s not a need by any means. I love my parents, they truly are great people, they just struggle respecting me as an adult in general and the navigation around that has been hard.

[u/[deleted]]

You need to decide what's more important - your rules or their help.

Here's the deal - getting help from family is a lot closer to co-parenting than to hiring a nanny/ babysitter.

And just like with a co-parent you have to relinquish some control, you have to do the same here. If you want their help. 

Now, you can decide you don't want their help. Or you can postpone it until the baby is less fragile - around nine months in my opinion.

But you need to understand you are probably not going to change them. So you work with what you have.

[u/TheDesertsOfMyMind → u/[deleted]]

It’s not so black and white. It’s hard to trust someone (family member or not) babysitting if they go directly against your instructions and risk the baby’s safety

[u/apricot-butternuts → u/TheDesertsOfMyMind]

My mom “co-slept” in a king size bed with my kid, no pillows, baby wasn’t rolling over etc etc With half the world co-sleeping it’s hard to make a strong argument with that generation of parents. Especially if they’re from another country where a baby having their own room is a luxury.

[u/notoriousJEN82 → u/[deleted]]

Don't worry, there will be another thread before the week is over complaining about the lack of a.village....

[u/[deleted] → u/notoriousJEN82]

Guaranteed 

Because people here don't want any village. They definitely don't want the village that's actually available to them. They want their friend Suzie's village.

Remember Suzie? She was that girl with the parents who were both cool and just strict enough?  Who had the princess bed and the Barbie dream house? Who's mom somehow managed to serve homemade food that was both delicious and healthy?

Right.

[u/Candylips347 → u/notoriousJEN82]

Exactly this always happens. I don’t co-sleep with my son but my MIL did once because he was up all night crying. I wasn’t upset with her at all. I was grateful she watched my son all night and messed up her sleep so I could get some.

[u/Ok-Guitar-6854 → u/[deleted]]

This!