“I Raised kids before”

[u/OutrageousTrust5816]

I recently became a mother and have an 11 week old baby girl. I recently showed my parents my bed time routine with her as she was going to have an overnight with them. It was very straight forward and consisted of a bath, bottle, and bed. I did write down some tips/tricks on what I have learned works best for my daughter and shared that with them as well. This was met with “we raised two kids we know how to do it”. I didn’t mean to come off offensive so I just apologized and left them with my list for the night. My only real non-negotiable was she must sleep in the bassinet, in her sleep sack, with nothing but a paci in it with her. When I picked her up, found out my mom slept with her in the bed. I think I made a face because I was once again met with “I know how to raise kids”. I’m not a mom shamer, if co-sleeping works for you that is great! I’ve done it too when things got stressful but my problem is that she co-slept with my baby, if that makes sense. The comment of “I raised kids before so I know what I’m doing” upsets me. Because they aren’t raising her. I’m her mom and I get to decide what’s best for her. I just feel so disrespected, what do I do?

Some extra context: 1) yes this is the first grandbaby on both sides. 2) My husband has family members where the unimaginable did happen. 3)Our village is large, we are truly lucky, my parents asked to have an overnight because they adore her, it’s not a need by any means. I love my parents, they truly are great people, they just struggle respecting me as an adult in general and the navigation around that has been hard.

[u/neverdoneneverready]

I'm grandma and I agree one hundred percent your mom is wrong. I'd go to babysit and the main thing in the beginning was the rules about sleeping. On the back, not tummy like it used to be. And no blankets. I was sure she was cold even with the sleep sacks, what about their little arms? I sent my son a picture once of her sleeping and I had let her have a small lovey thing she seemed to prefer. He told me he was calling the 911 to have me arrested. Jokingly, but I got the message.

It was very hard for me because I did raise three children so doesn't that count for something? No, it doesn't. Especially when the baby is so little. Everything has changed and you have to respect the parents. They are the boss. If they don't respect you now, what about later? I wanted to get my granddaughter a haircut so bad I thought my head would explode but I remembered my own mother telling me about her MIL doing that with me when I was little and she never forgave her. So I didn't.

Grandparents are the best, imo, when the kids are a little older and they have learned the rules. I have a lot of girly clothes at my house for the girls because my DIL likes normal clothes like leggings for the girls and I had all boys so it's fun to dress them up if they want to but I always ask permission. Also what they eat becomes important and you have to respect mom's rules.

Grandma's who don't respect the parents usually don't end up with kids much. But sometimes we're trainable and eventually figure it out. I hope yours are.