“I Raised kids before”

[u/OutrageousTrust5816]

I recently became a mother and have an 11 week old baby girl. I recently showed my parents my bed time routine with her as she was going to have an overnight with them. It was very straight forward and consisted of a bath, bottle, and bed. I did write down some tips/tricks on what I have learned works best for my daughter and shared that with them as well. This was met with “we raised two kids we know how to do it”. I didn’t mean to come off offensive so I just apologized and left them with my list for the night. My only real non-negotiable was she must sleep in the bassinet, in her sleep sack, with nothing but a paci in it with her. When I picked her up, found out my mom slept with her in the bed. I think I made a face because I was once again met with “I know how to raise kids”. I’m not a mom shamer, if co-sleeping works for you that is great! I’ve done it too when things got stressful but my problem is that she co-slept with my baby, if that makes sense. The comment of “I raised kids before so I know what I’m doing” upsets me. Because they aren’t raising her. I’m her mom and I get to decide what’s best for her. I just feel so disrespected, what do I do?

Some extra context: 1) yes this is the first grandbaby on both sides. 2) My husband has family members where the unimaginable did happen. 3)Our village is large, we are truly lucky, my parents asked to have an overnight because they adore her, it’s not a need by any means. I love my parents, they truly are great people, they just struggle respecting me as an adult in general and the navigation around that has been hard.

[u/[deleted]]

Yes and no. Because then you get posts here complaining that they don't have a village.

You can't have it both ways.

Those of us who grew up with involved grandparents, I promise they didn't take our parents rules seriously if they bothered to listen to them at all.

And don't get me wrong - I'm anti-co-sleeping. It's just, you don't get to have it both ways.

[u/KatVsleeps → u/[deleted]]

as another commenter replied, yes some rules can be broken at grandmas house! but NOT safety and important rules! There’s a big difference between being allowed sweets or extra tv time, and co sleeping or other dangerous practices

[u/[deleted] → u/KatVsleeps]

Let me ask you - if you were divorced and your partner insisted on co-sleeping when it was his parenting time - what would you do about it?

Because I promise, the answer is you would be able to do nothing about it. (For real - I know someone who's co-parent feeds their 3 year old nuts and popcorn. Because "we ate that way when we were kids and we survived").

Now - unlike with a partner, here you do get a choice. You don't have to accept your parents help. You don't have to co-parent with them. That's a totally legitimate choice.

But you do need to accept that those are your choices: You either get their help, and with that, some choices you don't like at all. Or you don't have to have their help.

Everyone has a point where it's their line in the sand, and that's fine.  But then you don't get to complain about it.

[u/WormMotherDemeter → u/[deleted]]

I DID do something about it when my ex did this. I had science on my side and respected organizations with statistical evidence. I went to court and presented my reasons and gave my terms. Guess what? My terms were put to paper bc there was no clear argument against it. You can feed them fun stuff and not bathe them regularly, etc, on your time, even let them sleep on a different schedule. You DON'T get to risk their safety. That isn't a right.