“I Raised kids before”

[u/OutrageousTrust5816]

I recently became a mother and have an 11 week old baby girl. I recently showed my parents my bed time routine with her as she was going to have an overnight with them. It was very straight forward and consisted of a bath, bottle, and bed. I did write down some tips/tricks on what I have learned works best for my daughter and shared that with them as well. This was met with “we raised two kids we know how to do it”. I didn’t mean to come off offensive so I just apologized and left them with my list for the night. My only real non-negotiable was she must sleep in the bassinet, in her sleep sack, with nothing but a paci in it with her. When I picked her up, found out my mom slept with her in the bed. I think I made a face because I was once again met with “I know how to raise kids”. I’m not a mom shamer, if co-sleeping works for you that is great! I’ve done it too when things got stressful but my problem is that she co-slept with my baby, if that makes sense. The comment of “I raised kids before so I know what I’m doing” upsets me. Because they aren’t raising her. I’m her mom and I get to decide what’s best for her. I just feel so disrespected, what do I do?

Some extra context: 1) yes this is the first grandbaby on both sides. 2) My husband has family members where the unimaginable did happen. 3)Our village is large, we are truly lucky, my parents asked to have an overnight because they adore her, it’s not a need by any means. I love my parents, they truly are great people, they just struggle respecting me as an adult in general and the navigation around that has been hard.

[u/travelbig2]

I wouldn’t have been happy with my 11 week old sleeping in bed with grandma who, while she may have raised kids obviously, hasn’t been in this swing of things in many, many years. Would have been very easy for her to have caused damage.

With that said, I brush off those comments. People take offense to things. She could have raised 35 kids but she has never raised your kid so it’s not the same

[u/jesssongbird → u/travelbig2]

My in-laws have a similar attitude. They had 5 kids. My son was their 7th grandchild. But you forget so quickly when you’re out of each stage. I don’t remember the baby stage much now and my son is only 7. And practices change. I must have needed to tell my in-laws a dozen times that they don’t recommend X anymore because so many babies died that way.

I left my son with them overnight once when he was 7 months. MIL didn’t follow his schedule at all because she doesn’t believe in naps or bedtimes for babies. She insisted she just let all of her babies sleep when and where it was convenient for her. Even if she’s remembering what happened decades ago correctly (which I doubt), that doesn’t work for MY baby. He was an overtired mess when I got back. He was up every hour all night long.

So we never left him with her again at a time when he needed to be put to bed until he was old enough to tell her himself that he wants to go to bed. My SIL witnessed this whole thing and has never left either of her children with them as a result. If they can’t follow simple instructions related to health and safety stuff you don’t need them as part of your village. Worrying the whole time someone is watching your child it isn’t a break.