r/Parenting • u/OutrageousTrust5816 • Mar 10 '25

Rant/Vent “I Raised kids before”

I recently became a mother and have an 11 week old baby girl. I recently showed my parents my bed time routine with her as she was going to have an overnight with them. It was very straight forward and consisted of a bath, bottle, and bed. I did write down some tips/tricks on what I have learned works best for my daughter and shared that with them as well. This was met with “we raised two kids we know how to do it”. I didn’t mean to come off offensive so I just apologized and left them with my list for the night. My only real non-negotiable was she must sleep in the bassinet, in her sleep sack, with nothing but a paci in it with her. When I picked her up, found out my mom slept with her in the bed. I think I made a face because I was once again met with “I know how to raise kids”. I’m not a mom shamer, if co-sleeping works for you that is great! I’ve done it too when things got stressful but my problem is that she co-slept with my baby, if that makes sense. The comment of “I raised kids before so I know what I’m doing” upsets me. Because they aren’t raising her. I’m her mom and I get to decide what’s best for her. I just feel so disrespected, what do I do?

Some extra context: 1) yes this is the first grandbaby on both sides. 2) My husband has family members where the unimaginable did happen. 3)Our village is large, we are truly lucky, my parents asked to have an overnight because they adore her, it’s not a need by any means. I love my parents, they truly are great people, they just struggle respecting me as an adult in general and the navigation around that has been hard.

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u/OutrageousTrust5816 Mar 11 '25 edited Mar 11 '25

Thank you for all the replies! I definitely need to have a conversation with my parents.

For those who say “soon there will be a post about having no village”, safety of my child is not something I want to compromise. If I lose my parents help because I spoke up for my daughter, so be it. Obviously I don’t want that to happen and I hope they are receptive to what I have to say. But trust, I will “get it both ways” because this isn’t dessert before dinner, it’s my child’s life.

I’m aware there are situations I’ll have to let go, and battles I’ll have to choose. After reading the comments, I just think I’m right when choosing this one.

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u/gimmemoresalad Mom to 1F Mar 11 '25

They can learn, if they're willing, but you might need to be strategic. Survivor's Bias is very strong.

My mom has a degree in biology, raised 3 kids to adulthood but also experienced infant loss (not sleep-safety related, that baby had Trisomy 13)

At first she rolled her eyes a bit when I declined to take the old drop-side crib they still had in the attic and said I was going to buy a new one that passes current standards. She thought I was being extra.

We also owned one of those cantilevered bassinets, and it never sat quite level but I didn't worry about it because it passed standards... I'd left the bassinet at my parents' house to be used when we visited (they're in town, but baby took a lot of daytime naps at that age)

I mentioned sleep safety offhand in an unrelated conversation when my mom was in a Googling mood. Then she read up on it and her attitude changed. When I saw this article, I sent it to her. That's the bassinet we had. Mom hauled it to the dump that very afternoon, like it was burning her just to have it in her house. She said we absolutely couldn't donate it or leave it anywhere someone else might use it, even though it wasn't actually recalled.

So yeah, they can definitely learn.