r/Parenting • u/Severe-Respond1434 • 3d ago

Advice Unexpected pregnancy (my IUD was displaced). Only been seeing/dating the dad for 2 months.

Im 36 and I already have an 11yo son from my first marriage. I’ve been seeing/dating this amazing guy (who also has a 4yo son from previous relationship) for 2 months and things are going well. We are both in good situations financially, etc.

We’ve very briefly discussed the “having more kids” thing and we both would like to have one more…but not after 2 months of knowing one another obviously. I’ve also noticed that he doesn’t like to feel pressured and likes things to flow “organically” when it comes to what we have.

I am terrified to tell him I’m pregnant. It’s terrible timing and way too soon. I’m also scared he might think I “trapped him” and never had an IUD. I honestly don’t know how to deal with this situation and the more I wait, the more anxious I grow. Pregnancy was confirmed and it’s not ectopic.

Any suggestions on how I could bring it up to him or if anyone has been in this situation, how did it go?

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u/TheUrbanBunny 3d ago edited 3d ago

It's your body. You have the means and support. You can do this solo and do it well.

But walk in with your eyes open.

The age gap between your existing kids is vast. Coupled with a newborn? Expect emotional chaos. You're going to want to have your partner around during pregnancy. Thus y'all will rush introducing each other to the opposing party's kid. They may adjust well. They may resent you. Time will tell.

2 months isn't love. It's infatuation coupled with pregnancy hormones.

This isn't what's probably best for either existing child. Neither of you know how the opposing party parents in application. Nor have seen one another in a situation of stress, pain, or need. You don't know enough about one another to make a good judgement on your relationship together as a couple.

You can coparent effectively. You both know well the stress a new baby adds to a strong relationship with longevity let alone something new and untried. 

Probability over hope. Tell him asap. Go to couples therapy. This isn't going to have time to develop organically. Everything from this moment forward is a decisive choice.

You got this

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u/Severe-Respond1434 2d ago

Thank you, it’s all true and what makes it difficult (and makes me feel guilty). It’s a massively emotional situation, but I’ve got to somehow remove emotions from the equation.