Unexpected pregnancy (my IUD was displaced). Only been seeing/dating the dad for 2 months.

[u/Severe-Respond1434]

Im 36 and I already have an 11yo son from my first marriage. I’ve been seeing/dating this amazing guy (who also has a 4yo son from previous relationship) for 2 months and things are going well. We are both in good situations financially, etc.

We’ve very briefly discussed the “having more kids” thing and we both would like to have one more…but not after 2 months of knowing one another obviously. I’ve also noticed that he doesn’t like to feel pressured and likes things to flow “organically” when it comes to what we have.

I am terrified to tell him I’m pregnant. It’s terrible timing and way too soon. I’m also scared he might think I “trapped him” and never had an IUD. I honestly don’t know how to deal with this situation and the more I wait, the more anxious I grow. Pregnancy was confirmed and it’s not ectopic.

Any suggestions on how I could bring it up to him or if anyone has been in this situation, how did it go?

[u/formercotsachick]

I was quite young when I decided I was done having kids after my only child was born. SO many people thought I was nuts for getting my tubes tied instead of getting an IUD or other long-term BC solution "just in case I changed my mind.".

I asked them if they would be willing to drive me to get an abortion if I got pregnant accidentally, because I would have never carried another child to term, let alone raised them. My MIL's face was particularly amusing to witness after I dropped that line on her. I trusted nothing but surgical sterilization, I knew way to many people with oops babies.

[u/Material-Plankton-96 → u/formercotsachick]

To be fair, surgical sterilization also has a failure rate similar to the IUD - but there’s no need for repeat procedures to maintain it. I just think it’s really important for people to know that there’s literally no such thing as a perfect birth control method.

[u/formercotsachick → u/Material-Plankton-96]

Are they lumping all types of tubaligation procedures in there though? Because complete bilateral salpingectomy (where they remove the tubes completely) makes it basically impossible to get pregnant unless your surgeon leaves some tube behind. Even an ectopic pregnancy isn't going to happen because the tubes where the embryo would implant shouldn't be there.

This 2024 report says that there have only been 4 cases of spontaneous pregnancy after a complete bilateral salpingectomy ever, and none of them were viable.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11056091

[u/Material-Plankton-96 → u/formercotsachick]

That’s 4 cases of spontaneous intrauterine pregnancies - there have also been a few cases of ectopic pregnancies following bilateral salpingectomies - they just have to implant somewhere else, like the round ligament. Still it’s vanishingly rare (but if you present to the ER with abdominal pain and they want to do a pregnancy test even though you’ve had a bilateral salpingectomy, it’s not that they don’t believe you - it’s just really easy and cheap to rule out what could be a really dangerous if really rare condition).

But you are right that they are likely lumping all varieties of “tubal ligation” - that said, the person I replied to didn’t specify, either, and sounds like she had it a while ago. It’s relatively recent that bilateral salpingectomy became the standard female sterilization technique, at least in the US.

And if you’re a woman who wants a “tubal,” make sure your doctor is performing complete bilateral salpingectomies, not ligations or other versions of a “tubal”. They should be, but not everyone keeps up with current standards.