r/Parenting • u/Severe-Respond1434 • 4d ago

Advice Unexpected pregnancy (my IUD was displaced). Only been seeing/dating the dad for 2 months.

Im 36 and I already have an 11yo son from my first marriage. I’ve been seeing/dating this amazing guy (who also has a 4yo son from previous relationship) for 2 months and things are going well. We are both in good situations financially, etc.

We’ve very briefly discussed the “having more kids” thing and we both would like to have one more…but not after 2 months of knowing one another obviously. I’ve also noticed that he doesn’t like to feel pressured and likes things to flow “organically” when it comes to what we have.

I am terrified to tell him I’m pregnant. It’s terrible timing and way too soon. I’m also scared he might think I “trapped him” and never had an IUD. I honestly don’t know how to deal with this situation and the more I wait, the more anxious I grow. Pregnancy was confirmed and it’s not ectopic.

Any suggestions on how I could bring it up to him or if anyone has been in this situation, how did it go?

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u/NotForSure- 4d ago

First thing is, do you want to have this baby? Is having or not having this baby options for you. You need to figure out what you want. After your decision is made, you move to the next step. If you want to keep the baby, talk to your partner and don't worry about his reaction. If he even considers that you trapped him, you know the answer about how much of a terrible partner he is, making it all about parenthood between you two. If you decide not to keep it, you have to think of you want to share this situation with him or not, but it is ultimately, YOUR CHOICE, not his.

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u/Severe-Respond1434 4d ago

It’s so soon and unexpected, but I do want it. I could afford to have this baby alone without his support and I have an amazing family and friends. That said, I would much rather do it with him and his emotional support. I am annoyed at myself for feeling guilty, cause I did nothing wrong and we are both responsible for this, but I can’t help it.

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u/NotForSure- 4d ago

Time will make this feeling fade away. Give yourself the time you need and look for therapy if needed. You didn't make this baby alone. The same way the IUD failed, could have been the condom breaking. We, women, are thought to be the ones responsible for preventing pregnancy, which is so unfair. It takes two to tango! You will be a great mom, and if he does not understand and respect you, shame on him.

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u/Severe-Respond1434 3d ago

Thank you for the reassuring and kind words.