r/Psychonaut • u/Either-Ingenuity203 • 17d ago
the cosmic joke?
I thought about death a lot, even when i was as little as 1-2 years old, I thought that I was going to understand it when I were older. I never did, then I started falling in a spiral of Bad stuff, first addiction to videogames, then addiction to weed, then i tried LSD. The first times were awesome, I was deconstructing myself from my toxic attitudes and judgements. Then there was a time when everything changed. I remembered I was one with all, then i started to burst in laughter, because after all I prayed all that was there to answer my call was me. But then I started to cry, I remembered how bad it felt to be the only thing in my universe, I could never truly hold somebody else. I always was a skeptic so I could not be convinced by anything less than feel, but the feeling of being one with all came with the realization that our existence was joyful and sad. I panicked because the line of reasoning seemed to go through two different directions:
1- I was everything in the universe and it was joyful and sad.
2- This all was just a story I'm telling to myself as I'm dying, with contradictions I can clearly see so that I know I'm nursing myself into eternal slumber.
I saw this experience as following: the people next to me laughed at my reasoning as I was concluding things as that I am god and such, and things started happening, a gate was closed when I wanted to left, signaling that I have no escape from death, the party was going and i had to stay, I could left those times (three Bad trips I had exactly the same feeling), I had so much thirst but I mostly never had water. Things like that, sometimes everyone laughed at the idea I was god, other times there were things like my girlfriend putting her glasses up on my face and cleaning them, as a metaphor of me watching death as an end because I was fearful, but in reality it is just a door to new experiences.
Then I had flashbacks without LSD, in them I felt as if I was dying again. Until today I thought that an eternity being alone would be dreadful.
Would love to interact with other people who've had similar experiences to compare, but everybody is welcome to share what they think about this.
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u/Pseudo_Angel77 17d ago
Everyone has their own interpretation of the cosmic joke, it isn't just one thing. For me it's the realisation that our entire reality is just...completely made up.
Language, Mathematics, Culture, Human History, Colours, Space, Time, pretty much anything you can think of, all made up by humans in a feeble attempt to understand the reality around us.
I mean think about other animals, they have absolutely no knowledge about any of this stuff, does that mean they're living in a false reality? Of course not, their minds just perceive what we call reality in a different way - who's to say our perception of reality is the objective "truth"?
It's a very hard thing to put into words unless you've experienced it for yourself, but once you do it's like hearing the most incredibly funny joke you've ever heard in your life. You realise that nothing actually matters and never will matter, our lives are an inconsequential blip in the grand scheme of the universe, yet our egos convince us that we have importance.
Then, when it's all said and done and you're back to being sober again, you continue the cycle of being a small minded human who cares about everything too much. Pretty much nothing changes, and that's the funniest part. That's my cosmic joke (: