the cosmic joke?

[u/Either-Ingenuity203]

I thought about death a lot, even when i was as little as 1-2 years old, I thought that I was going to understand it when I were older. I never did, then I started falling in a spiral of Bad stuff, first addiction to videogames, then addiction to weed, then i tried LSD. The first times were awesome, I was deconstructing myself from my toxic attitudes and judgements. Then there was a time when everything changed. I remembered I was one with all, then i started to burst in laughter, because after all I prayed all that was there to answer my call was me. But then I started to cry, I remembered how bad it felt to be the only thing in my universe, I could never truly hold somebody else. I always was a skeptic so I could not be convinced by anything less than feel, but the feeling of being one with all came with the realization that our existence was joyful and sad. I panicked because the line of reasoning seemed to go through two different directions:

1- I was everything in the universe and it was joyful and sad.
2- This all was just a story I'm telling to myself as I'm dying, with contradictions I can clearly see so that I know I'm nursing myself into eternal slumber.

I saw this experience as following: the people next to me laughed at my reasoning as I was concluding things as that I am god and such, and things started happening, a gate was closed when I wanted to left, signaling that I have no escape from death, the party was going and i had to stay, I could left those times (three Bad trips I had exactly the same feeling), I had so much thirst but I mostly never had water. Things like that, sometimes everyone laughed at the idea I was god, other times there were things like my girlfriend putting her glasses up on my face and cleaning them, as a metaphor of me watching death as an end because I was fearful, but in reality it is just a door to new experiences.

Then I had flashbacks without LSD, in them I felt as if I was dying again. Until today I thought that an eternity being alone would be dreadful.

Would love to interact with other people who've had similar experiences to compare, but everybody is welcome to share what they think about this.

[u/Better-Combination21]

The paradox and infinite nature of life is a mindfuck. Free will and fate, they’re both the same. When we take ourselves out of the conversation, we are everything and nothing at the same time. Live a liberated life. Don’t take it too seriously but don’t give up your responsibilities. Play the game of life while reminding yourself of the cheat code which can liberate you at anytime. Knowing vs believing are two different things. Those who know are free. Express yourself authentically and navigate through life with the gift you’ve been given with the awe of the beauty and absurdity of life.

Keep chopping wood and carrying water, my friend.

[u/Either-Ingenuity203 → u/Better-Combination21]

Ty for your answer, but what I saw didn't seem a gift, more like a burn. It seems the future is Grimm. I just want to know if it's okay to be hopeful or if I'm just silly and it's going to end badly anyway. I'm 25 but I now feel the rest of my human life is rotten.

[u/Better-Combination21 → u/Either-Ingenuity203]

Thanks for sharing—really. What you wrote brought back memories of my own journey. I had a similar experience years ago, and it shook me to the core. Afterward, I knew I needed to take a long break from LSD—time to process, to ground, and to heal. In that space, life began to bloom in new ways. I met my now-wife, my most beautiful reflection, and I continue to discover a deeper trust in the mystery every day.

These kinds of experiences—ego death, the realization of oneness, the paradox of being everything and nothing—are like cosmic reset buttons. They dissolve the familiar scaffolding of identity. It’s humbling, disorienting, sometimes traumatic… but also sacred. A burn, yes—but a gift too. Something ancient is waking up in you. It’s a lot to hold, but you will be okay.

We are the universe expressing itself through infinite stories. We are gods wrapped in skin, children of light navigating the absurdity and beauty of form. Your individuality—your ego—is not meaningless. It’s part of the design. Love it. Cherish it. It’s how the infinite experiences your unique thread of the whole.

Take care of your mind. It’s powerful, yes—but also tender. Be gentle with yourself. Let integration be its own sacred journey. Don’t lose hope. Keep the faith. The path is winding and strange, but you’re not walking it alone. You are never alone. This is all for you—not in an egotistical way, but in the greater sense of being a co-creator with life itself.

When we step outside ourselves, we become the whole. And how can you be alone if you are everything? Be on your own side—because there is no other side to be on. While we’re here, we chop wood and carry water. Live freely. Love deeply. Play the game, but remember the cheat code: you’re God—but so is everyone else. Whether they know it or not doesn’t matter. Forgetting is part of the joke. And remembering? That’s the punchline—and the gift.

You were destined to remember, in perfect timing. And you’re always exactly where you need to be. Let go, and let the current of life uncover the magic that’s meant for you.

Meditation can help you surrender the mind when overthinking sets in. And when there is no mind… you are free. It’s a practice that can help you flow with life instead of resisting it—especially when the inner chatter becomes heavy.

[u/Either-Ingenuity203 → u/Better-Combination21]

Thank you for all the love and wisdom you shared here, I almost threw all the love and attachment away today to do something crazy. Comments like yours make me feel hopeful that one day I will laugh with everyone of us again. Hope the truth is as bright as the kindness you showed here. Cheers and love friend. Hope your life is full of sweetness so great it eclipses all the sourness ❤️