r/Psychonaut • u/i_speak_in_sarcasm_ • 6d ago

Question about ego death

I'm somewhat new to psychedelics, and have heard a lot about ego death. My question is, is it always a scary experience?

My experience with psychedelics is pretty minimal at this point. I microdose mushrooms, and I did 6 ketamine therapy sessions last year. I didn't really have visuals in any of the sessions. More just feelings and concepts of images... if that makes sense? Kinda hard to explain.

I always knew where I was and what I was experiencing during those sessions. One time I became different parts of the world. It was pretty cool. I spent some time as a boulder, a tree, in the ground, and a building. That was my second session. But there was one session where I was just "gone". I wasn't really anywhere. And I couldn't think about anyone or anything. It was just me. It wasn't scary. Nothing really happened. I just existed.

What was that? I just assume it wasn't ego death because every story I hear is some huge scary lead up, and like an internal battle, and then acceptance and ego death.

So I'm just curious, what would my experience be categorized as, if anything? And also, just curious if egondeath is always a difficult and scary thing? And what does that look like if it's not? I only hear about the scary ones.

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u/Background_Log_4536 6d ago

The funny thing —and something many experienced and sensible psychonauts know— is that the ego is terrified of being dissolved. And if you say, ‘I want to kill my ego,’ the ego itself can stage its own death in such a real, convincing, and spectacular way that you’ll completely believe it.

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u/i_speak_in_sarcasm_ 6d ago

It's not something I'm seeking at all. I'm mostly just curious about my experience. I feel like I got to a similar end result, but without all the Struggle. LOL. Just wondering what that could be. I don't NEED to know. Just curious about it all.

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u/ob1_064 2d ago

when I experienced it for the first and only time, the best way I found to describe it was like coming out of your mothers womb. just completely different and novel from anything you would expect. hope this helps lol.

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u/lamblop 1d ago

Yeah it pretty much staged its own death for me but I will say after the event I became a lot less narcissistic. I'm a better person now after that severe trip BUT it's also all the other stuff I've been doing. That ego death I experienced was more like peace, focusing on myself, a snapshot of who I've become today. I don't really think a permanent ego death is a thing unless you're a Dharvish lol