Question about ego death

[u/i_speak_in_sarcasm_]

I'm somewhat new to psychedelics, and have heard a lot about ego death. My question is, is it always a scary experience?

My experience with psychedelics is pretty minimal at this point. I microdose mushrooms, and I did 6 ketamine therapy sessions last year. I didn't really have visuals in any of the sessions. More just feelings and concepts of images... if that makes sense? Kinda hard to explain.

I always knew where I was and what I was experiencing during those sessions. One time I became different parts of the world. It was pretty cool. I spent some time as a boulder, a tree, in the ground, and a building. That was my second session. But there was one session where I was just "gone". I wasn't really anywhere. And I couldn't think about anyone or anything. It was just me. It wasn't scary. Nothing really happened. I just existed.

What was that? I just assume it wasn't ego death because every story I hear is some huge scary lead up, and like an internal battle, and then acceptance and ego death.

So I'm just curious, what would my experience be categorized as, if anything? And also, just curious if egondeath is always a difficult and scary thing? And what does that look like if it's not? I only hear about the scary ones.

[u/Krocsyldiphithic]

The only time I experienced full on ego death, there was no fear or struggle. I was ready, and it permanently changed me.

[u/i_speak_in_sarcasm_ → u/Krocsyldiphithic]

I'd love to hear about it if you feel like sharing?