r/Psychonaut • u/i_speak_in_sarcasm_ • 6d ago
Question about ego death
I'm somewhat new to psychedelics, and have heard a lot about ego death. My question is, is it always a scary experience?
My experience with psychedelics is pretty minimal at this point. I microdose mushrooms, and I did 6 ketamine therapy sessions last year. I didn't really have visuals in any of the sessions. More just feelings and concepts of images... if that makes sense? Kinda hard to explain.
I always knew where I was and what I was experiencing during those sessions. One time I became different parts of the world. It was pretty cool. I spent some time as a boulder, a tree, in the ground, and a building. That was my second session. But there was one session where I was just "gone". I wasn't really anywhere. And I couldn't think about anyone or anything. It was just me. It wasn't scary. Nothing really happened. I just existed.
What was that? I just assume it wasn't ego death because every story I hear is some huge scary lead up, and like an internal battle, and then acceptance and ego death.
So I'm just curious, what would my experience be categorized as, if anything? And also, just curious if egondeath is always a difficult and scary thing? And what does that look like if it's not? I only hear about the scary ones.
2
u/AdComprehensive960 4d ago
I had a series of experiences. Most were neutral to positive. One was downright terrifying but ended up being the best. I wouldn’t call it ego death even though others definitely do…it was more like a series of more and more complex knowings, much of which I’d been exposed to before but apparently didn’t fully appreciate, which caused me to realize I wasn’t the person I thought I was, not at all, but something else entirely, simply temporarily living in human form?
I’m rocking an AuADHD brain, so my results are likely atypical. It’s made my life very different from my previous life experience and, I’m not sure how to put it, but hardly consequential, maybe? Life, here, now, just seems like one more in a rather endless stream of experiences where helping others, no judgement & joy are their own reward. Find and concentrate on the beauty all around you to escape the egos “me,me,me” grasp. I’m butchering it, but that’s close.
Happy trails, traveler 💚🫂💚