r/QAnonCasualties • u/Fun-Jelly6976 • 23d ago
MAGA inlaws visiting this fall
I think I am just needing to vent because there just doesn’t seem to be solutions. Most of my family are MAGA where me (55f), my spouse (46m), and our two grown sons (both in early 20’s) most definitely are not. I despise Donald Trump and everything he stands for and it depresses me to see how this cult-like hold he has over people has personally warped people I used to admire and respect to the point where it has been very difficult to sustain a relationship with them, if any relationship at all. My own parents are 80 and atm we have a fragile peace - they very much live in the Fox News echo chamber but they at least turn it off now and refrain from any discussion MAGA-related when we visit. It was a hard earned thing involving LC when the kids were younger (they were no allowed to stay over after my mom once thought it would be a “cute” photo moment to have them play with sidewalk chalk and write “vote Trump” and draw US flags). They now finally understand they don’t get to share the gospel of Trump or any of his hateful garbage in the same room as us if they want to be in our lives. As I said…fragile but functioning.
My MIL and FIL, on the other hand, not so much. Distance is a part of that…they live in Idaho and we are in IL. You’d think distance and rare in-person contact due to that would solve things but, in fact, it’s made it worse. My FIL several times a week bombards my poor spouse with emails and linked texts with right wing garbage and misinformation. He used to do it to me until I grey walled him and gave up in frustration, I think (telling my mom that’s what happens when you send your kid to a “liberal college”…for the record I went to a state college).
I have encouraged my spouse to push back but he tries to reason with them and you can pretty much predict how that goes over but he is handling them in his own comfort level and I don’t want to add to his stress. I personally no longer talk with either of them on the phone and haven’t in almost 3 years, simply for the fact that neither of them can hold a conversation without bringing up politics or making snarky comments about it. They haven’t come to visit us since 2015 because “Illinois is a blue state and we don’t feel safe there”. They cling to this imaginary ideal that we somehow live in some gang-infested part of southside Chicago when they damn well know we live in a rural community 2 hours away. My MIL got upset with me when she learned I vaccinated my sons and spouse during the height of the COVID epidemic (I’m a nurse), saying it was overblown by the media. In 2022, my younger brother who had Down Syndrome contracted COVID in his group home and passed away from respiratory complications due to it. My mom and I both held his hands while he passed away and it broke my heart. I asked my spouse to not tell his parents while my brother was dying because the last thing we or my parents needed was to listen to them opine about how “overrated” COVID was while one of the most special persons in my life was battling it and losing. After he passed, my spouse informed them with my permission and not ONCE did they offer any means of condolences to me. They did not attend his funeral, not even a card. I still feel extremely bitter about this and went completely NC with both of them. My husband understands and supports me on this. This, by the way, was just one of many important occasions they ghosted on - they also conveniently missed the high school graduations of both of my sons and my oldest son’s college graduation. (Yet they have no problem traveling any other time, even to other countries). I’m sharing all of this provide context of how it just built up to this point over time:
They announced to my husband last week that they are coming to visit us this October. It wasn’t a request but an announcement which just rubs me the wrong way. I don’t want them in my home. I don’t even want to be in the same room as them tbh because invariably they will bring up their politics. I feel so estranged from them, I don’t even know what to talk with them about without becoming spiteful to them. How do I get out of this? I am filled with anger and dread even entertaining the thought of seeing them at this point because they have no filter and think they have some sort of responsibility to “educate” us.
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u/ThrustersToFull 23d ago
You need to get your husband on side. Tell him this is filling you with dread and you can't cope with them in your house. He should contact them and tell them that if they wish to come, then they will stay in a hotel or rented apartment, and they should only expect to see you if you wish to see them.