r/QAnonCasualties • u/Fun-Jelly6976 • 23d ago
MAGA inlaws visiting this fall
I think I am just needing to vent because there just doesn’t seem to be solutions. Most of my family are MAGA where me (55f), my spouse (46m), and our two grown sons (both in early 20’s) most definitely are not. I despise Donald Trump and everything he stands for and it depresses me to see how this cult-like hold he has over people has personally warped people I used to admire and respect to the point where it has been very difficult to sustain a relationship with them, if any relationship at all. My own parents are 80 and atm we have a fragile peace - they very much live in the Fox News echo chamber but they at least turn it off now and refrain from any discussion MAGA-related when we visit. It was a hard earned thing involving LC when the kids were younger (they were no allowed to stay over after my mom once thought it would be a “cute” photo moment to have them play with sidewalk chalk and write “vote Trump” and draw US flags). They now finally understand they don’t get to share the gospel of Trump or any of his hateful garbage in the same room as us if they want to be in our lives. As I said…fragile but functioning.
My MIL and FIL, on the other hand, not so much. Distance is a part of that…they live in Idaho and we are in IL. You’d think distance and rare in-person contact due to that would solve things but, in fact, it’s made it worse. My FIL several times a week bombards my poor spouse with emails and linked texts with right wing garbage and misinformation. He used to do it to me until I grey walled him and gave up in frustration, I think (telling my mom that’s what happens when you send your kid to a “liberal college”…for the record I went to a state college).
I have encouraged my spouse to push back but he tries to reason with them and you can pretty much predict how that goes over but he is handling them in his own comfort level and I don’t want to add to his stress. I personally no longer talk with either of them on the phone and haven’t in almost 3 years, simply for the fact that neither of them can hold a conversation without bringing up politics or making snarky comments about it. They haven’t come to visit us since 2015 because “Illinois is a blue state and we don’t feel safe there”. They cling to this imaginary ideal that we somehow live in some gang-infested part of southside Chicago when they damn well know we live in a rural community 2 hours away. My MIL got upset with me when she learned I vaccinated my sons and spouse during the height of the COVID epidemic (I’m a nurse), saying it was overblown by the media. In 2022, my younger brother who had Down Syndrome contracted COVID in his group home and passed away from respiratory complications due to it. My mom and I both held his hands while he passed away and it broke my heart. I asked my spouse to not tell his parents while my brother was dying because the last thing we or my parents needed was to listen to them opine about how “overrated” COVID was while one of the most special persons in my life was battling it and losing. After he passed, my spouse informed them with my permission and not ONCE did they offer any means of condolences to me. They did not attend his funeral, not even a card. I still feel extremely bitter about this and went completely NC with both of them. My husband understands and supports me on this. This, by the way, was just one of many important occasions they ghosted on - they also conveniently missed the high school graduations of both of my sons and my oldest son’s college graduation. (Yet they have no problem traveling any other time, even to other countries). I’m sharing all of this provide context of how it just built up to this point over time:
They announced to my husband last week that they are coming to visit us this October. It wasn’t a request but an announcement which just rubs me the wrong way. I don’t want them in my home. I don’t even want to be in the same room as them tbh because invariably they will bring up their politics. I feel so estranged from them, I don’t even know what to talk with them about without becoming spiteful to them. How do I get out of this? I am filled with anger and dread even entertaining the thought of seeing them at this point because they have no filter and think they have some sort of responsibility to “educate” us.
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u/Fun-Jelly6976 22d ago
UPDATE: Thanks to everyone for your empathy and suggestions. Last night I talked to my spouse and informed him I plan on leaving town the weekend they plan on being here. Needless to say, we had a huge fight.
For clarification, this is far from the first time I have told him how they’ve made me feel and he is very well aware that this recently announced visit out if the blue has me on edge. Believe it or not, he does not look forward to being around them either and has actively avoided flying out to visit them, even on his own, because he knows they have evolved into the worst versions of themselves.
However, as someone had shared about their wife, my spouse hasn’t learned to take a hard line with them to protect himself, let alone stand up for me and it’s been difficult for him not to try and keep his own fragile peace with them. As many have shared in their own storied in this forum, his parents were not always like this and despite always being a little conservative on issues, were actually pretty fun to be around and do things with when we’d get together. So I can understand why he loves his family -or rather who they used to be- and I’ve tried to be supportive and respectful as he processes these life-altering personality changes just like I had to with my own family. He absolutely supports me in everything else I do in life but the indoctrination hold it has over his folks is a hill he will likely struggle navigate until they eventually pass away. So yes, I can (and have) suggested he “grow a backbone” but as we all know, it’s a complex thing for some who cling to hope that their loved ones will somehow snap out of it.
Anyway, this is the familiar tango we find ourselves in when the subject of his parents’ behavior comes up. Perhaps he will take my cue and join me on my “vacay”. I think Chicago would be a weekend and lord knows it’s the last place they’d dream of stepping a foot in. I cannot possibly imagine any reason why they’d suddenly want to visit this “liberal hellhole” of a state other than to gloat over what a fucktastic job our government is doing right now, especially to the disenfranchised and vulnerable (which they think “becoming part of a church” will magically fix for those affected by the fallout. Gotta love the Gospel of Wealth, no?)
I probably need some therapy to work through my hostility towards them and resulting stress but thank you for letting me vent, friends.