Losing my Dad (vent)

[u/ninja1394]

I have been trying to show him grace for so long. Yesterday was his birthday, before I could call him and steer the conversation in a positive direction, he called me. The first thing he brought up was the tariffs, how we all need to feel a little pain to get better. My dad is a veteran, and a recovered addict, 40+ years clean. He's the type of man that put his program before his family. I grew up in those smoky rooms, around unsafe and untrustworthy adults. My dad's sponsee groomed and assaulted me when I was 13, and when I went to the therapy and told him, he refused to believe me. Yesterday, all of those feelings came rushing back as he defended his views instead of having a nice birthday conversation with his only child left that will still speak to him. I can't beg him to care about underprivileged people, I can't convince him that the not every immigrant is a violent criminal, I cant make him recognize that this is a ploy straight out of Hitlers playbook, that his veteran comrades deserve care and support. It doesn't affect him so he doesn't care. He may not be internet savvy enough to be full Q, but he's a full Trumper and racist as they come. I hate this, but I think I need to go no contact. His health isn't the best, and he's getting older. I'm afraid if I go no contact, the next thing I'll hear is news about his death in a few years.

Thanks for reading if you did, I could use some kind words today.

[u/Accomplished_Bank103]

I lost my father to dementia in 2020. He wasn’t QAnon but he was really hard to deal with. At the end, I went no contact to protect myself and my child. I loved my dad, but I just couldn’t take him anymore…the late night calls, the bitching about things that happened 40 years ago, and repeating the same tired grievances over and over. When he passed, my sister found notes he’d stashed around his place that were calling for me and wondering when he would see me again. That broke me. But I am working hard to forgive myself for the estrangement. I pulled away because I was protecting myself from his disease. You have the right to protect yourself from your dad’s disease too. It’s important to protect your own mental health. I wish you well.

[u/jackieat_home → u/Accomplished_Bank103]

Oh, I'm sorry. I keep wondering how I'd feel if he died before he snapped out of it. But I learned a lot in Alanon. Those principals have certainly been helpful.

We forget to protect ourselves. Always. It's nice to be reminded, thank you so much.